Waiting for Dawn
by Alice laughed
Summary: Post Eclipse, my version. Now complete. Second place at the Twilight Awards for best alternate Breaking Dawn. Y'all are the best.
1. Chapter 1:  Quiet

_AN: I own nothing but the story line._

_I have no beta, so constructive reviews are appreciated. Thank you._

The only sound in the car on the way to Charlie's house was the quiet music coming from the car speakers. I didn't know who it was this time, but it was soothing. Edward knew me so well. I tried to collect my thoughts, and plan how we could broach this subject to Charlie.

Marriage. It was a word I'd shied away from all of my life. And now here I was going to tell my father that I was planning on doing it. I glanced over at Edward. His face was composed as he drove with one hand, holding my hand with the other.

The ride was all too short, and we pulled up to the curb in front of the house. I heaved a sigh.

"Bella? Are you sure?"

I answered him with another small sigh, and reached over to open the door before I lost my nerve.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice came from the living room.

"Ya Dad. It's me and Edward."

I went into the kitchen. It was late enough to start dinner, and doing something would help me plan things out a bit. Pancakes. Charlie loved breakfast foods and we hadn't had pancakes in a long time. And I'd have to stand at the stove to cook them for a while, so it would give me some time to think some more.

Edward stood silently by my side, measuring out milk and handing me eggs. He looked relaxed but I could see the worry around his eyes. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking, what Charlie was thinking, but the only noises in the house were me stirring the batter and the muted sound of the TV coming from the living room. It was too much to break.

Too soon, everything was ready and I called Charlie in eat. "It's now or never," I muttered to myself. Edward squeezed my hand and kissed my hair before he sat down at the table with us.

"So Bells, what did you do all day?" Charlie asked.

My throat suddenly dry, I panicked and blurted it out. "Edward asked me to marry him." Oh God, why didn't I lead up to it?

Charlie's fork froze halfway through its journey, his mouth hung open as his face suddenly purpled. "He WHAT?"

Although I'd expected something like this, it was still enough to send me into my own rage. I couldn't help it. When he used that tone…

"Charlie! I am not a child!" I began, my hands balling up into fists on the table.

"Charlie," Edward's voice was quiet and unexpected. I froze and looked at him. He reached over and took my hand while Charlie moved his glare and focused on Edward.

"Charlie, please let me say something, and then I promise to leave and let you and Bella talk things over."

Charlie dropped his fork to the table and leaned back, folding his arms. At least his mouth was shut.

Edward paused, looking at my hand in his.

"I know that you are still angry with me over the way I treated Bella last September. It was inexcusable. I agree. Even if I live 100 years I will regret that time every day."

"You never even called her," Charlie began.

Edward looked up at him. "Yes I know. Please, let me attempt to explain myself.

"I know that we are young, and it felt like we were so involved so quickly. I knew that Bella was everything I'd ever wanted, but I worried for her sake.

"I worried that I was not the best for her. So when our family went to LA, I decided to end things with Bella. I hoped that she would forgive me, and forget me, and be happy with someone else. Had I known…" His face was anguished.

"I wasn't better off myself," he continued. "Jacob told me about Bella's depression. If you would like to ask Alice or my parents, you'll find that I was much the same. I didn't care to eat or move. I just took up space and waited for everything to be over. My only hope was that Bella would be happier without me in her life.

"When Alice came to visit, I heard of Bella's cliff diving incident, and feared the worst. I couldn't imagine a world without Bella. I became suicidal."

Charlie's eyes widened at this confession.

"Bella came with Alice to see me, to try to help me. Charlie," he leaned slightly forward, "when I saw her again after all that time I thought I was seeing an angel. My parents have said that we came back here because LA didn't agree with Esme, but really they came back for my sake. Even if she wouldn't have me, I needed to be near her.

"I was overjoyed that she would have me back. I still cannot believe my good fortune. I know you may not forgive me, but she has, and it's more than I ever hoped for.

"Charlie… Sir…" his voice was rough with emotion. "I need her. I need to see her every day and be with her every night. I need to make her happy in any way that I can. I _know_ that I don't deserve her. I know this. But I need her."

It was quiet again. All during this speech I sat holding his hand and drinking in every word from his lips. I couldn't trust myself to speak. He smiled gently at me and kissed my hand.

"I'll be back later," he said.

"Edward," my voice was thick.

"No Bella. You two need some time to consider things now."

I sat staring at my hands as he left the room. The only sound was the snick of the door as he closed it.

I looked over at Charlie. He picked up his fork, looking at it like he'd forgotten what it was. He opened his mouth, closed it, and got up from the table. He paused in the doorway with his back to me, his hands in his pockets, his head bowed.

"Bella, I have to think about all of this. I know when you first… fall in love with someone, that you see how perfect they are and everything seems all wonderful." He sighed. "I don't suppose Renee and I ever got much past that part. I think you're supposed to see a person's faults and love them even more than you did when you thought they were perfect. I can see that with you two, but I need to think about this some more. Just give me a little time."

I couldn't take anymore. It was all too much. I ran from the table, stumbling up the stairs into my room.


	2. Chapter 2: Declarations

_AN: I still own no characters and have no beta, but this story line is my invention. Thank you for the lovely reviews so far._ _It makes it a pleasure to write._

I don't know how I made it up the stairs without falling down. My feet seemed miles from my body as I kicked off my shoes and flung myself across my bed. I felt like crying all over again, but this time no tears would come. I was too dried out, too used up. I tried to recapture that feeling of serenity that I'd felt in the meadow, but I couldn't manage to grasp it.

I propped myself up on my elbows and studied the ring on my finger. My first thoughts when I heard of it were not exactly complimentary, but when I first _saw_ it… Well, I had it admit my first thoughts were of how pretty it was. And then when Edward put it on me, it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd feared. In fact, it wasn't bad at all. I smiled as I remembered the look on his face – absolute joy. I felt calm almost immediately. Happy Edward was so beautiful it almost hurt.

Lost in my memories of that night in Edward's room, I didn't even notice that I was falling asleep.

xxxx

A gentle tapping on my door woke me. I looked around, surprised that night was falling. When did I go to sleep? What woke me? Oh yes, the door.

"Charlie?"

Edward poked his head in the door. "Would you like me to get him?"

"Edward!" I flew across the room to yank the door open. His face broke into a delighted smile at my response.

"I thought it would be good if I arrived by a conventional means this time," he grinned at me. "Though I do think it best if we leave your door open. Charlie can only take so much."

"What did you say to him? Did you talk to him some more? I can't believe I fell asleep!" I questioned without waiting for him to respond.

"I told him that I didn't know where else to go but here. He said that you were up in your room, and so I came up. He's still adjusting to the idea, but he's not so shocked anymore and will want a word with me pretty soon." He smiled, cupping my face in his hands. "Bella, I feel like the luckiest man in the world." He brushed his lips against mine, but pulled back when my stomach gurgled.

"Bella, didn't you eat?"

"I never got around to it. I felt so confused and out of control I just came up here. And then I fell asleep and you know the rest."

"Why did you feel out of control?"

"I'm still working on that, but first I need to eat and then we have to call Renee."

He looked in my eyes, searching for answers. "Let's get you fed."

xxxx

A plate of microwaved pancakes later, I stood in front of the phone in the kitchen gathering my courage. Edward came to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I leaned back into him, accepting his help, and picked up the phone.

It only rang a couple of times before she picked up the phone.

"Hi Mom!" It was so good to hear her voice.

"Bella!" she crowed, delighted that I called. "How are things in the grown up graduate world?" she asked.

She didn't waste any time did she?

"Well Mom, that's kind of why I'm calling." I was hesitant, but she knew something was up now. There was nothing for it but to plow ahead. "Edward asked me to marry him."

"Of course he did," she answered.

That was completely unexpected. I would have fallen over if Edward hadn't been standing behind me holding me up. As it was his arms tightened around me.

"I… uhhh…" I started to stutter.

"Bella, I saw how he was with you when you were here. I've never seen anything like it before. I know you said that it's all those books I've been reading, but I know something when I see it and that boy never had any other intentions. I'm surprised it took him this long. I halfway expected him to do it while you were down here."

"She's very perceptive. I nearly did that," Edward whispered into my hair.

"But what about all that you ever told me about getting married?" I was confused even more than I was off balance. This was not what I expected at all.

"I know I told you a lot about it. Mainly not to," she sighed. "But Bella, you didn't see yourself when you were down here. All those times we went out while he stayed in to work on his paper, I could almost feel something in you tugging to get back to him. I'm not saying I agree with this, but I've been waiting for this phone call."

I slid slowly down to the floor to sit before I could fall. I'd expected to be ranting on for hours, arguing with her over age and reasons.

"Bella?" she was worried.

"Mom, I…" I was having problems forming a complete sentence. Edward was still behind me, stroking my hair and holding me close, giving me what support he could.

"Tell me Bella. Tell me why," she said gently.

It was like a key turned. The lock on my thoughts and my ability to express myself opened and I found myself unable to stop the flow of words that burst forth.

"Mom, I do love him. But it's more than that. It's like I never even lived until I knew him. Like I was just marking time in my life until it was time for us to meet. When he was gone, you saw me. I barely held myself together. In fact, I didn't at first. And he explained his side of all that to Charlie earlier tonight. He left because he didn't, he doesn't think he's good enough for me." I brought his hand to my lips.

"Mom, when he's not with me I just don't feel whole. I need him like I need to breathe. I want to be with him, and I want him more than I ever imagined wanting anyone before.

"I can't be without him. I don't even want to try." I leaned back into his arms, hugging him with my back as well as I could while on the phone. His forehead was on my shoulder, his breath soft against my neck. I felt released.

"Bella, do you really want to get married?" she asked quietly.

"Yes I do," I said. And I was right. I _did_ want to. When did that happen? When Edward made his speech to Charlie? When I made mine to Renee? When she wasn't surprised at what I was calling to tell her? Maybe when all of those things happened, bit by bit, like taking the bricks out of the wall that was my idea of _that girl_. I was that girl. I smiled brilliantly at the idea.

"I'm that girl Mom. I want to get married this summer and spend the rest of my life with Edward."

"Bella, I've always said that you were middle aged and getting older every year," Renee laughed. "I can hear it in your voice, and I can't argue with you after all the mistakes I made when you were little. If this is a mistake, I'll be here for you, but somehow I don't think it is. Call me when you have a date. I'm sure Edward is waiting for you to get off the phone."

"She has no idea," he murmured against my neck. I laughed, suddenly free of the weight of parental doom.

"Ok Mom, I'll call you," I began, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth the phone was back on the hook and I was in Edward's arms.

xxxx

I was a bit shaky walking up the stairs. Kissing Edward like that always made me weak in the knees. He kept his hand on the small of my back the whole way up. Once in my room he steered me towards the rocking chair and pulled me onto his lap. I willingly folded myself onto him, resting my head on his shoulder as we gently swayed back and forth.

After all of the declarations of this evening, it didn't feel like words were necessary any more, and we rocked in silent contentment.

"Bella?" he asked after the last light had faded from the room. "I still want to know why you felt confused and out of control earlier."

I turned my nose to his neck and kissed him before I replied. "You said that you know you don't deserve me."

"I don't."

"Well I don't deserve you, and I want to. I mean, I cried all last night over Jacob, and you just held me through it. And then all you told Charlie… It's hard for me to believe that you still love me like that after all I've done. I was confused and out of control because I don't think I could ever possibly deserve you and didn't know how to begin to try."

"Silly Bella," he sighed into my hair.

I lightly socked him and he caught my hand. "I'm happier right now than I've been in a long time," he whispered, his lips on mine.

"Mmhm. Me too."

Kissing Edward was like falling into him. I felt more peace and contentment than I'd felt in ages, wrapped in his arms, his lips slowly moving with mine.

Charlie clearing his throat in my doorway broke us apart. I sprang to my feet, and Edward let himself be dragged along with me.

"I just wanted to say that I want you to be happy," he said gruffly. "I'm not going to stand in your way. I'll worry about you, but I'm not going to fight with you. If this is what you want…" he shrugged. "You're going off to school anyway, so it's not like I can keep you here. Just… be careful, ok?"

"Thanks Dad," I went to hug him while he awkwardly patted my back.

"Thank you, Charlie," Edward stepped forward and shook his hand. He turned to me and took my hand. "Let's go give my parents the good news."


	3. Chapter 3: At home

_This one is short, but telling the Cullens doesn't take much. It's more about Alice's reaction than anything._

_I'm feeling a bit punchy tonight. If I owned it, I wouldn't be here._

* * *

I had barely stepped out of the car before a squealing spiky haired bullet nearly knocked me off my feet. 

"Alice!" I laughed, gasping for air.

She didn't stop her delighted squealing as she vaulted to the porch with me in her arms, Edward trailing behind us chuckling softly. She passed me off to Emmett and seized Edward next, dragging him in an exuberant dance around the living room. Carlisle and Esme were smiling at the display from the safety of the sofa. Emmett grinned down at me, his eyes twinkling.

"Hey sis!"

"Hi bro!" I laughed. I couldn't help but be caught up in the joy of the moment.

"I'm glad you're finally here," Jasper added. "I gave up trying to keep her calm a couple of hours ago. She's been bouncing up and down the porch for ages waiting for you." He looked fondly at his wife, who had succeeded in dragging Rosalie from her perch on the piano bench to join in the dance.

"Emmett, if I may?" Edward had managed to pry himself away from Alice, who took the opportunity to tackle Jasper in what must have been a bone crunching hug.

He took my hand and pulled me over to where Carlisle and Esme were still seated, laughing merrily at the ruckus. "I bring you a daughter," he said simply.

They both rose from the couch, and I realized that Esme would have tears in her eyes if she could. She held out her arms to Edward and pressed his head to her chest, whispering "my boy, my boy," and kissing his hair. She then turned to me, and held me close, kissing my cheek and murmuring "thank you Bella. Thank you for making him whole again."

Carlisle pulled us both in for a hug saying, "our family is complete now."

It was like finally coming home.

xxxx

We escaped up to Edward's room as soon as we could. I collapsed on his bed, laughing at how easy this was. How free.

"What is it, love?" He was smiling gently as he brushed his hand across my face.

"I just feel so wonderful and free. It's amazing. And I keep waiting for something to go wrong."

"What would go wrong?" his brow furrowed.

"I don't know, but you know me." I pointed to myself. "Trouble magnet, remember?"

He caught me up in his arms. "No trouble, no more. Except from Charlie if I don't get you home soon. He is accepting things now, but I think you overnighting here tonight would be a bit much for him to take, even if we blamed it on Alice."

I sighed. "You're probably right. At least you can stay with me there. What he doesn't know won't hurt him."

"You do have to rest for tomorrow though," he cautioned me.

"What's tomorrow?" I worried.

"Tomorrow... Tomorrow, Alice attacks."


	4. Chapter 4: Alice Attacks

_I'm not too sure of this one, so I don't know if it will change with further editing. I do appreciate the reviews. They're somewhat addictive. _

_As always, I own none of the characters and mean no harm._

* * *

The doorbell woke me. I looked at the clock on my bedside table. "6:30?" I grumbled. "Doesn't she know it's summer break?" 

"Alice," Edward hissed under his breath.

I moaned and moved to roll out of bed, but Edward's hands caught me and pulled me back down. "You stay here. At least you can be comfortable." He then turned his face towards the front door. "You know where the key is Alice. Quit bouncing and come on up."

"I'm hungry anyway. I'll get up," I muttered while I rubbed my eyes. "You know, Alice, some people still need sleep around here." She was already bobbing in my doorway, a slim black binder clutched to her chest.

"Bella, don't ruin the fun," she pouted. "I know you said that I could do everything, but that was before. Now you both have to play along or I swear I will go overboard on purpose."

"How overboard?"

"Very, very overboard," she grinned.

"Saucy little vampire," I grumped, but I couldn't help smiling back at her. Happy Edward was glorious, but excited Alice was nearly irresistible.

She bounded down the stairs after me, already talking at light speed about what needed to be done and ideas of how to accomplish everything.

"You've seen your dress of course, and I ordered mine that same day. Can I wear red? Yes, good. And you'll carry red roses and I'll have white – Edward she can't carry freesia all the time – oh ok we'll have some in there as well…"

Her voice became a blur behind me as I dug into the fridge for some milk.

"So you'll have your dress and I'll have mine. Do you want anyone else to stand with you?"

"I want this to remain small," I stated firmly.

"Then Edward needs to say who will stand with him." She looked over to where he was leaning against the counter, an amused expression on his face.

"Carlisle," he said. I raised my eyebrows at this. "It's quite common in some parts of the country for your father to be your best man," he answered my unasked question. "Besides, Emmett is going to be officiating and we'll want Jasper in the seats keeping us calm."

"You still want Emmett to perform the ceremony?" Alice was incredulous.

I thought of Emmett's mischievous smile and felt my own appear on my face. "Definitely," I said.

"He'll tell jokes," she warned.

"I'll speak with him about that," Edward soothed.

Alice growled something under her breath that caused Edward to smirk, and yanked some pages out of her binder. She stuck her tongue out at him as she crumpled them and lobbed them at the trash can. I just laughed. This was actually kind of fun.

"Ok then," Alice was back on task. "Emmett should wear a black tux to _differentiate_ him from the other two," she said acidly, "and Edward and Carlisle should wear strollers to go along with your gown."

"Wear what?" I asked, trying to picture Edward and Carlisle wrapped in some sort of baby paraphernalia.

"Strollers. It's a kind of tuxedo," Alice opened her binder and pushed a picture across the table at me. It showed a man wearing a dark long-tailed jacket over a vest with dark gray pants. I smiled, picturing it on Edward. It was perfect.

"And we also have to think about…" Alice continued on and on while I did my best to keep up, and eventually gave up as she went on down her list at warp speed. We eventually moved to the living room, Edward staring bemusedly at Alice as she paced in front of us talking and using her hands. She only stopped when my stomach growled loudly. I looked at the clock. It was already 1pm and I was still in my pajamas.

"Oh good!" she said. "That reminds me. We have to talk about food and place settings and centerpieces."

"Alice," I was exasperated. "You don't eat!"

"Other people will be there!"

"Not many. And not enough for place settings and centerpieces. Do a buffet table, and then you'll be able to pretend that you're actually consuming something more easily. And while I'm thinking of it, I am NOT shoving cake into Edward's face and he is NOT shoving cake into mine." I stalked into the kitchen, sure she would fight that.

"Bella!" she shouted. "It's tradition!"

"Did you do that with Jasper?"

"Well no, but neither one of us was human."

"Too bad. I'm not doing it. That's a recipe for disaster. I'll choke or something." Edward chuckled. He was enjoying this. I turned on him. "Do you want to hack up a piece of cake later?" I demanded.

"Not particularly. I'm just enjoying watching you take on Alice," he smiled crookedly.

And so it went. Alice planning, me whittling her down, and Edward snickering as we butted heads. Finally, she shut her binder with a snap and closed her eyes.

"I think about 3 weeks should do it," she mused. "Yes, 3 weeks is plenty of time."

"Three weeks?" my voice cracked. That soon? And what had I agreed on today? I couldn't even remember with all the different tracks Alice's mind had led me on. I was amazed that I remembered what it was we were supposed to be planning.

Edward wrapped his arms around me and kissed my temple.

"Three weeks would be… probably the most prudent. We wouldn't want any other guests to show up," she looked at me meaningfully.

A full day of planning had completely dulled my senses. "What?" I was confused.

"Italian guests."

"Oh." My stomach suddenly clinched as I swallowed nervously. Edward's lips brushed my forehead.

"No more trouble, remember?" he breathed.

"No more trouble." I agreed, but looked to Alice for confirmation.

"Three weeks should be just fine. I'll mail the invitations immediately. It's not like the guest list is very long," she shot me a glare, "and the handful of people who don't already know about it should be able to make it." Then she smiled. "Bella, it will be beautiful. Do you trust me?"

"Yes Alice. I don't know why, but I do." I laughed.

She hopped up and kissed my cheek, trailing laughter behind her as she danced out of the house.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Yes Love?"

"Do not let her do that again!" He laughed at that. "Seriously, can you tell me what I agreed to today? I can't remember up or down." I bit my lip.

His laugh rang out as he pulled me close. "Well let's see," he said steering me to a chair in the kitchen. "Charlie is bringing home pizza by the way. Alice called him and told him you were wiped out. So don't worry about dinner."

"Alice saves the day again," I said dryly.

"She does love you dearly, as do I," he pulled me onto his lap. "Now, what did you agree to on both our behalves…" he teased.

"In three weeks' time, in the clearing in front of our house; in front of my family plus Renee, Charlie, and a handful of friends from school; with understated decorations and no live animals; with simple finger foods for the guests who are still human…" His eyes were smoldering as he whispered, "You will become my wife, Mrs. Isabella Cullen."

I could barely breathe. "What time?"

His lips brushed mine, "Twilight."

I twisted my fingers through his hair as he pulled me close. I hoped Charlie took his time getting the pizza.


	5. Chapter 5:  Confession

_I know that you're anxious for the wedding, but some things have to be squared away first._

_It feels like I'm writing this too quickly, but it's just coming out. And hey, I have insomnia. What else am I going to do?_

_As ever, I own only the story line and mean no disrespect. I'm simply impatient to see what Mrs. Meyer has in store for us, and can't help but dream up my own ideas._

* * *

Time really doesn't behave. When you want it to speed up, it drags on forever. When you want to hang on to moments, it rockets along leaving you reeling in its wake. I didn't know if I wanted those 3 weeks to pass by quickly or slowly, but time didn't care about what I wanted anyway. Some minutes took hours to get through, and some were gone before I could blink. The wedding drew nearer, and it seemed like I always had somewhere I needed to be and something I needed to be doing. All I really wanted was to spend time with Edward. 

The wedding was only a couple of days away when he woke me gently in the very early morning. "Bella, we need to go."

"Go?" I was groggy. We'd stayed up late the night before, trying to squeeze in some time alone together.

"I'm stealing you today. I haven't had nearly enough time with you lately, and Renee will arrive tomorrow to monopolize what time you have left when Alice is done with you."

"That sounds wonderful. Just let me grab some breakfast and I'm there."

He held up a bag. "Milk, fruit, and granola bars," he said. "Go get dressed."

I snatched up some clothes and my toiletry bag and ran to the bathroom. It did feel a little like running away. I got dressed as quickly as I could and fought with my hair, finally giving it up as a lost cause and putting it in a ponytail. Edward met me at the door, hoisted me onto his back, and we were off.

I still had trouble believing that I was ever afraid of Edward's running. It was like flying, the wind in our faces, and his neck vulnerable to my attack.

"Bella," he growled mockingly.

"You have excellent reflexes," I reminded him as I pressed my lips against him. He chuckled, but didn't stop running. It didn't take long for us to reach our meadow, and he gently let me down and sprawled out on the ground beside me.

"Bella," he said quietly. "I really brought you out here because I have a confession to make to you," his eyes were fearful.

"Edward, whatever it is can't be as bad as you think it is."

"I'm not sure," he said. "It felt like the right idea at the time, but I know you'll be angry with me. I do have to tell you though.

"Bella, I sent an invitation to Jacob."

My heart fell to my shoes. "Edward?" I was shocked. Saying goodbye to Jacob was the hardest thing I'd done in my desire to be with Edward forever. Not only because it was saying goodbye to him, but because it was also in essence saying goodbye to everything a human life would offer me that life with Edward couldn't. A small part of me had wanted that life. A part that was infinitesimal compared to the part of me that wanted Edward, but a part nonetheless. I felt the air dragging through my lips as I gasped in surprise, the world wavering suddenly before me.

"Bella!" Edward's arms were around me pulling me close as he spoke low and quick. "Please Bella, I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to hurt him. I just knew that if I had been in his place," his voice was strangled. "If you had chosen him instead of me, I would have wanted to know. I would have wanted to have the choice of seeing you marry someone else. Of seeing you be happy. And I needed to thank him for everything that he'd done for you… for me." He lifted my chin so he could look at my eyes. "Please Bella. Please understand."

"I do. I'm sorry. I do," I answered. "I just… I hurt all of us so badly…" I trailed off.

"I'm sorry Bella," he said taking my hands. "I don't want to start our new life together with this sadness, but it's a part of who we are. I thought he deserved the choice."

"Did he send a reply?"

"No."

I turned my face away, trying to process the emotions running through me. Regret at all the pain I had caused, sadness for the things I would miss, hurt and anguish… but overriding all of that was the joy and the peace that had come to dwell in my heart since awful night I'd spent crying in Edward's arms.

I looked at him again. He was searching my face, looking for answers there since he couldn't pluck them from my mind like he could anyone else. His eyes were still worried, his brow furrowed. Did he still think that I would have any regrets in being with him?

"Edward," my voice was husky. "It does still hurt to think about, but please know that I choose you because you're who I want and who I need. I will _never_ regret that. The love and happiness I feel when I'm with you overshadows any hurt by a thousand times!" I said fiercely. I stroked his cheek with my hand. "Please know that."

He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand. "My Bella," he sighed.

xxxx

It seemed like forever since we'd had a day to spend just the two of us together. We lazed in the meadow, enjoying the breeze and the sunlight when it broke through the clouds. The meadow was our safe haven from the rest of the world. A place belonging only to us, where we could leave the world for a time and just be.

It was sometime in the late afternoon that Edward suddenly said, "We should probably call Sam and Billy."

"Why?" I wondered, thinking back to his confession from the morning.

"I'm sure they're aware of my intentions to change you, but we need to be sure that they know the dangers we face if that doesn't happen. The Volturi do not know of these werewolves, but if they come here to investigate you I'm sure they will learn of them. This puts them in danger as well, and necessitates a redrawing of the treaty. We will have to have a meeting, preferably before our wedding."

"I want to be there," I said.

"I thought you might," he was wry. "You do have a tendency to not want to miss potentially dangerous situations."

"You have been more friendly with them since Victoria," I stated. "And Carlisle has been over the boundary line a ton. Anyway, I need to be there to make sure they understand that this is my choice and I'm going into it with open eyes. I will not be a cause for war." I narrowed my eyes.

"Understood," he said. "Let's get back to the house to talk to Carlisle." He rose from the ground, pulling me with him.

xxxx

Carlisle closed his phone and turned back to us. "They are agreeable to a meeting to discuss the treaty tonight. Billy is asking for us to come to his house, since he is unable to come to the clearing where we met before. He will call Sam to be there as well. I believe we will be able to come to a peaceful agreement. I would be more fearful if we hadn't had to work together during the attack, but they allowed me to care for Jacob and have started to come to the hospital again for treatment, so they are beginning to know that our intentions are good. We can hope for the best," he said quietly.


	6. Chapter 6: Negotiations

I turned the key in the ignition and my truck abruptly ceased its rumbling in front of the Cullen house. After Carlisle had called Billy, I returned home to cook dinner for Charlie and pretend that everything was normal. Alice called in the middle of our meal with a bridal emergency and convinced Charlie to let me come to stay with her for the night. I don't know who was more embarrassed by her assurances to guard me from Edward's advances, but we both sat red faced staring in different directions as we finished that meal. Alice saves the day, indeed.

But I had to hand it to her, Charlie was no more equipped to understand whatever wedding calamity Alice had invented than he was able to face the fact that in a matter of days his only daughter would be up to the very things he didn't want to think about. He was completely at a loss to deny her, not that he would anyway. It was Alice, and no matter what Charlie would always think of her as an angel. I smiled to myself at the idea.

"What's so funny?" Edward said through the window of my truck.

I jumped in my seat, "Holy crow Edward! Don't _do_ that!"

"Bella, it's not my fault that you get so wrapped up in your thoughts that you forget to notice the outside world," he said, smiling his crooked smile.

"Edward, it's not my fault that you move exceptionally quickly and don't make a sound to announce your presence," I teased back. He was so unfair. He knew I couldn't resist him as he opened my door and held out his hand. He pulled me close as I stepped out of the truck.

"I'm just glad you forgive me so easily," he said kissing my forehead.

"It's not like you play fair," I rolled my eyes at him. His laugh rang out as we went to take my overnight bag inside.

xxxx

Carlisle drove to La Push. Jasper sat up front with him, and Edward and I were in the back. I was glad that Jasper was going. He'd earned a bit of Sam's trust when he taught the lessons on how to fight newborns, and his ability to keep us all calm would keep things from getting out of hand. I shuddered to think what could happen in Billy's small kitchen if things did get out of hand. Edward looked at me questioningly and I gave him a wavery smile.

Going to this meeting was going to be hard enough. Going to Billy's house, possibly seeing Jacob, would be even harder. I knew I'd made the right choice for me, but that came at his expense. I wasn't sure of the reception I would get or of how I would react. Edward rubbed soothing circles on my hand as I tried to steel myself for the meeting.

Billy opened the door as soon as he heard the car pull up. His face was more lined than it had been a few short weeks ago. He seemed to have aged considerably since the last time I'd seen him. Guilt welled up inside me again at what I had done.

"Hello Billy," I croaked.

"Bella," he grunted, and turned to wheel his way back to the kitchen. Sam was already there, sitting at the table. Quil and Embry leaned against the counter behind him. I looked around but didn't see Jacob anywhere as Carlisle ushered us through the door.

We sat on opposite sides of the table. The air felt thick and heavy with tension. Sam had that serene expression on his face that I hated so much. He shifted his eyes to me once, and then looked pointedly away. I remembered what Jacob said about how Sam being angry with me for going back to Edward. But of all the people in the world, Sam should know how I felt.

Carlisle placed his hands on the table. "I'm assuming that Jacob has informed you of Bella's plans to join our family," he began.

Sam snorted, but looked away when Carlisle looked at him.

"We are here to make sure our treaty is still in good standing. We mean no harm, but there are certain… extenuating circumstances that make this plan necessary.

It was quiet for a moment. The only noise was the ticking of Billy's old fridge in the corner.

Sam narrowed his eyes, "You say 'join your family' but you really intend to bite her."

"I do," replied Edward.

"How do you know you won't kill her?" Quil spat.

"I believe in Edward's capabilities," Carlisle replied.

"If I fail I hope you will put an end to my misery," Edward spoke quietly.

"Edward!" I hissed. "No!"

"I will not pretend that that wouldn't destroy me, and I would seek to end my existence in the quickest way possible. I'm sure Sam would be willing to oblige me," Edward's eyes flashed. Sam nodded grimly.

"Enough!" Billy growled. "What are these extenuating circumstances?"

Carlisle began to tell the story of my trip to Italy last spring. I could see on Sam's face that he was familiar with this story from Jacob. However, when Carlisle got to the part about the Volturi, Sam stiffened in his chair. I had left that part out when I told the story to Jacob. Carlisle finished with telling of how Jane and company had come to the clearing at the end of the battle with the newborns, and had been interested to see that I was still human.

"So you think these other vampires, these ones who feed on humans, will be coming back to check and make sure?" Billy asked.

"I'm quite sure of it," Carlisle replied. "Of course we've asked Alice to keep an eye on things to give us some sort of advance warning. But they've left me with the impression that they are highly interested in Bella and will be checking to see if we keep our word about her."

Billy grunted. "It seems you have little choice in the matter," he said to me.

"Billy," I said. "I made this choice for myself a long time ago. This just helped convince Edward to go along with my wishes."

"What about Charlie?" he asked.

"With all that has gone on these past few months, I think Charlie is in more danger with me around as a human than he'd ever be with me gone as a vampire," I said gently. "Billy, he doesn't know any of this stuff. A vampire was in my room when he was there sleeping. If the Volturi come looking at his house…" I trailed off. "If something happened to him because of me I couldn't forgive myself. I'd rather he miss me or hate me forever than be hunted down like that." I put my head in my hands. I couldn't say anything more to change their minds. The rest was up to Carlisle.

The negotiations flowed around me. I couldn't pay attention to them anymore. My thoughts clouded over. I hadn't been sleeping well, and didn't realize how exhausted I was. Edward rubbed circles on my back as I sat, waiting for the negotiations to be over.

Suddenly everyone was standing. I looked across the table at Billy.

"Good luck, Bella," he said. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Everyone was heading back out to the car, but I hung back. Edward stretched out his hand, and I squeezed it. "Give me a minute, please?" I asked. His eyes tightened, but he nodded and left the room. I turned back to Billy.

"Is Jacob OK?" I asked.

"I don't know, Bella. He left after he got the wedding invitation."

"Left? Where?" I was shocked.

"He's running. He needed to get away. He'll be back when he's ready," Sam growled. "I don't blame him!"

I rounded on Sam. "You of all people should hold your blame!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" his voice was cold.

"Leah Clearwater," I spoke quietly.

His eyes flashed fire, and then his face fell as he turned and left the room. I looked at Billy.

"Please Billy, after all of this is over, will you please look after Charlie?"

"Sure, sure." He leaned forward slightly. "Bella, are you really sure?"

I sighed. "Yes Billy. I know it won't be easy, for any of us. I hope that I'll be able to control my… my impulses quickly. I wish it didn't have to be so hard, but I can't change things now." He nodded.

"Thanks Billy. I'm sorry." I turned and left the kitchen.

xxxx

I felt much better after a hot shower. I curled up to Edward, inhaling his scent as he wrapped his stone arms around me. I couldn't help sighing in contentment.

"Yes love?" Edward still looked worried.

"Nothing. I know everything is going to change really soon, and Jacob is off running somewhere trying to escape everything, and in spite of it all I feel happy here with you."

He crushed me gently to his chest, his lips in my hair. "Sleep my Bella," he breathed, and started humming my lullaby.

I snuggled closer to his chest as I drifted off.


	7. Chapter 7: Time with Renee

_Insomnia strikes again, but all the better for you. This chapter was harder to write. This house has too many people hanging around it on the weekend. I'm impatient to get to the wedding, but Bella has to have her last bits of time with Renee. _

_Someone suggested that since I'm listening to music as I write, I should tell you. This time it's not one song on repeat (bless the iPod) but is just a mix of light tunes - heavy on the Simon and Garfunkel. Think Cloudy and 59th St. Bridge. Just feeling groovy with Renee._

* * *

I woke up late the next morning to find Edward gazing fondly at me, which of course immediately made me blush. "Edward! How long have you been staring at me like that?"

He smiled crookedly, "Only a little while. You are so determined to put an end to your sleeping, I wanted to enjoy you a bit while I could."

I searched his eyes, looking for regret in the deep pools of liquid gold, and sighed. "We are not having this conversation again," I said as firmly as I could as I wondered dimly if I would ever be able to hold his gaze and my thoughts as the same time.

He bent his head, skimming his nose along my collarbone as he breathed, "I'm far too selfish to try to talk you out of it at this point, and we need to get moving if we're going to pick up Renee."

xxxx

Edward was driving at his usual life-threatening speed, so we made it to Seattle in plenty of time to meet Renee's plane. Alice decided at the last minute to come along for the ride as well, saying that she needed to fill Renee in on the rest of the wedding plans before the big day tomorrow.

My stomach clenched as a wave of panic washed over me. Tomorrow! Was I ready? I was used to the idea, even wanted it, but probably I would never _really_ be ready. This was probably as ready as it was possible for me to get. I glanced over at Edward to find him once again staring at me. "Would it kill you to look at the road?" I asked for what felt like the hundredth time. Even if it wasn't exactly necessary, it did make speeding a little easier on me.

"It kills me that I still don't know what you're thinking," he replied calmly, looking back through the windshield. "When you're quiet for so long, I can't help but wonder what's going through your mind."

"Just daydreaming, but I was also thinking that you're going to have to pay attention and drive at a normal rate of speed once Renee's in the car." Edward grimaced at the thought while Alice snickered in the back seat.

The airport was crowded as we wound our way through tour groups and business travelers, looking for a glimpse of Renee. It wasn't like she hadn't flown alone before, but she did have a tendency to get lost in unfamiliar places. I spotted her near the baggage claim, wearing a ball cap from the high school team where Phil worked as a coach. His leg was healed well enough for him to get around without her help for a few days, but he'd been unable to make the cross country flight with her for the wedding.

"Bella!" her face broke into a smile when she saw me and she flung her arms out wide. "Oh Honey it's so good to see you!" There were times when Renee could match Alice in the excitement department.

Edward collected her luggage and we trooped back to the car, talking a mile a minute the whole way. Renee insisted that I remain in the front seat with Edward, and I twisted sideways so we could carry on our conversation for the drive home. Actually, I didn't do as much talking as I did listening as Renee filled us in on Phil's progress and Alice updated Renee on the latest plans for the wedding.

Even though he was driving at normal human speeds, the ride back to Forks went by in a flash. We had decided that Renee would spend that night with me at Charlie's house, and after the wedding she would stay in a hotel room. It made me kind of nervous to have both of them under the same roof for the night. Actually I worried about how Charlie would handle it when both of us were gone, but he insisted and I didn't want to fight him too hard. After all, I'd be leaving him too, and I wanted that last night in my room at his house instead of in a hotel room with Renee.

Edward took Renee's bags up to my room and I walked him back out to his car. "Are you ok?" I asked him. "You were really quiet the whole way home."

"Who could get a word in?" he teased.

"Really," I said. "And? I know you're worried about something. Did Alice see anything?"

"No it's nothing like that. I was just listening to you talking with your mother. Bella, you're going to have to give all of that up," his face was sad as he brushed his hand through my hair. "I still don't feel that I'm worth the cost."

I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck. "When are you going to believe me? None of it is worth anything without you."

He crushed me gently to his body. "I hope you feel that way after it's all said and done."

"I have no doubts."

"Go. Spend time with your Mom while you can, Bella." He leaned down and kissed me gently before getting in his car to take Alice home. He would be coming back later in the afternoon to have dinner with me and my parents. I'd argued with him over that, saying that he didn't need to subject himself to human food, but he insisted. I remembered Alice's advice of protecting the Cullen family by being meticulously responsible and just accepted it.

xxxx

I came back into the kitchen to find Renee staring bemusedly around. "He hasn't changed a thing in all this time, has he?" she asked.

"Well you know Charlie. Interior design is not his forte." We both laughed. Interior design definitely wasn't on Charlie's list of high priorities. I wondered if Renee knew that he couldn't bring himself to change anything that she'd done to the house, but I didn't want to bring that topic up for discussion.

I spent the afternoon with Renee doing basic mundane things, just being with her again. We went grocery shopping to get what we needed for dinner, and I wanted to make sure to leave Charlie with a supply of cold cuts and TV dinners since I would no longer be around to cook for him.

She wanted to hear all about Edward, and I tried to answer her questions without seeming too mysterious but without giving her too much information. Renee had come a little too close to the truth for my comfort when we were in Florida. God knows what she would think once she met the entire family tomorrow. Aside from Edward she had only met Alice and Carlisle. I was hoping that she'd see the inhuman beauty as a family trait and nothing more.

It was nearing time to start dinner when Renee asked me the question she'd obviously been dying to ask ever since we'd be alone together.

"So Bella, how much _experience_ do you have with Edward?" she asked, looking at me sideways.

I immediately went red, nearly choking on my drink. Did Renee just ask me if I'd had sex with Edward?

"Don't be embarrassed Bella! It's a perfectly natural thing."

It wasn't as embarrassing as talking to Charlie, but still. I didn't really want to discuss my sex life, or lack thereof, with my mother right before it was supposed to start.

"We're waiting to get married," I said. _Please let that be the end of it_.

She pursed her lips, "Oooh, I see." She then looked at me directly. "I'm proud of you Bella."

"Thanks Mom," I muttered at the floor.

"Are you afraid?" Oh God, she wasn't done.

"Afraid?" I asked. _Afraid I might not live through it_. "Not too bad."

"Have you been to see the doctor? I'm not saying I regret having you. Not at all. But I was your age when I married your father, and then… being a young mother isn't easy Bella. I"

I interrupted her waving my hands. "Please Mom. Taken care of. Don't worry."

She hugged me close. "I just worry about you a little. Silly old Mom thing, ok?"

xxxx

We started on dinner, the conversation light once again. I'd considered making steak so I could serve it to Edward really rare, but then realized that he'd have to chew it, which wouldn't be much fun for him. Pasta was easy, and with a spicy sauce might be a little bit enjoyable. Maybe.

Charlie arrived home in good humor just as we were taking the bread out of the oven. He sniffed appreciatively and grinned, "I sure am going to miss your cooking Bells."

I nudged his stomach with my elbow, "Kinda got used to having me around, huh?"

It was fun, joking with him like that. I wanted our last evening together to be light and fun, easy to remember. I couldn't bear the thought that they might remember me wobbly and tearful. As far as they knew, I was just getting married instead of saying goodbye forever, and I was determined to make it good for them. After all, I'd have forever. All they had was tonight.

xxxx

"You certainly enjoyed yourself," I teased Edward as I walked him back out to his car. He grimaced and rubbed his stomach, where I'm sure everything he'd forced down felt very heavy.

Renee had held everyone captive all through dinner, telling embarrassing stories about my childhood. Charlie had laughed until his eyes watered, and Edward burst into a fresh round every time my face turned a deeper shade of red.

He smiled down at me, "I really wish I'd been able to see you as a child. I'm sure you were simply adorable."

I laced my fingers through his, "I'm sure you saw the pictures in her head as hard as you were laughing." He smiled wickedly in response and I poked his chest with my nose.

"Speaking of, any thoughts that I should know about coming from in there?"

"Well, I'm still not Charlie's favorite person, but Renee approves of me," he said chuckling. "In fact, she's peeping from a window right now." I turned to glare at the house as he chuckled some more. "Bella, you're her only daughter. She just wants to see you happy."

I rolled my eyes turning back to him, "So make her happy," I said, tipping my face up for a kiss. His hands slid down my back as he pulled me closer, enthusiastically giving Renee a picture to remember.

I was gasping when he pulled away, his hands still cupping my face. "You won't be here tonight?" I managed get it out.

"I'm going to hunt. After I get rid of your cooking anyway." I poked him again. "I'll be gone until tomorrow afternoon. I want to make sure I'm as strong as possible," he was suddenly serious.

"I trust you," I said. "I'll miss you."

"You know that Alice would find a way to keep me gone anyway," he was resigned. "She's insisting on the tradition of not seeing the bride before she walks down the aisle."

"But that's not until tomorrow evening!" I cried.

"All the more reason for me to be gone. It removes the temptation."

I pressed my cheek to his chest. "How will I sleep?" It had gotten so I had a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep without him.

He broke my hold and casually started unbuttoning his shirt. My breath caught in my throat. Handing it to me, he pulled me close again. "Pajamas," he murmured. He bent and whispered in my ear, "Renee thinks I'm very romantic now," he was smiling like a cheshire cat.

"She's right," I sighed as he gave me one last kiss and got in his car. I watched him drive away.

The next time I saw him, we would be getting married.


	8. Chapter 8: Ready

_La la la! Fluffy fluffity fluff. Getting ready for the wedding, but as I said before Renee needs to have her time with Bella. She hasn't had much with her for the past few years. I hope you like my take on her._

_I tried a few songs out, but really couldn't hit on the right mood writing until I landed on Fiona Apple's rendition of Across the Universe. Then it just came spilling out. _

_Thanks so much for the reviews. You flatter me. I only dream of writing as well as Stephenie Meyer. _

* * *

As I figured, Renee was waiting just inside the door to pounce on me. "Oh Bella!" she was practically gushing and starry eyed. "That was so romantic!" 

"Mom!" I feigned outrage that I didn't really feel, "that was supposed to be private!"

"I'm sorry honey. It's just… the two of you don't really touch in front of me and I wanted to see…" she was flustered. I decided to let her off the hook.

"Ok Mom, Ok. It's all right," I edged past her on my way to my room. She obviously wanted to talk about it and I was _not _going to do that with Charlie just down the hall in the living room. She followed right on my heels.

I placed Edward's shirt on my bed and turned, "I'll make some popcorn, ok?" All of our girly chats in the past had been over a bowl of popcorn.

"Ok!" she said brightly, beaming in anticipation.

I clumped back down the stairs. I should have asked Edward for more of what Renee was thinking. It would help if I had some idea of what direction she wanted to take with our conversation this time. He'd probably known that she was dying to ask about our sex life earlier today and didn't warn me. "Cheating mind-reading vampire," I muttered under my breath. I tossed a bag of popcorn in the microwave and walked into the living room to see Charlie.

"Hey Dad, I'm making some popcorn. Do you want any?"

He looked up from the TV. I could hear the sound of some sort of sport going on as he smiled at me. "Thanks Bella. Do you and your Mom want to watch a movie or something?" he looked mildly worried at the idea.

"No, don't worry about it. We're just doing the girl talk thing," I assured him as the microwave beeped.

I dropped off a bowl for him on my way up the stairs. "Thanks Bells," he said absently as he stared intently at his game.

Charlie taken care of for the evening, I turned my attention to Renee. She started guiltily as I opened the door, and I tried not to smile as I caught her smelling Edward's shirt.

"Oh! Sorry Bella," she muttered sheepishly as I lost my battle and burst out laughing. "He wears really nice cologne!" It was nice seeing someone else be embarrassed for a change.

"Yes he does," I agreed. _Why not?_ I thought to myself, and shrugged out of my shirt to put his on. Renee was really the only person I could ever fully confide in - the only fully human person anyway. I turned around to find her grinning at me like a hyena. I blushed as she squeezed me in a hug again.

"He's wonderful for you, Bella," she said seriously. "The two of you together… I know I've said it before but it's simply unreal. And when he kissed you just now…" she rhapsodized, her hands clasped at her chest. I blushed harder.

I gave Renee what she wanted as we sat on the bed, the bowl of popcorn between us. She'd heard some of the stories, like Edward pulling me out of the path of Tyler's van. She reveled in all of them. Dramatic stories like Edward carrying me to the nurse's office when I fainted in Biology class. Small little events like the times when we were just out in the meadow reading and I'd look up from my book to see him watching the wind blow my hair instead of reading his own book. I wanted to make sure, absolutely sure, that Renee knew how happy Edward made me so that when I disappeared with him she wouldn't wonder if I was alright. She'd know that wherever I was, I was insanely and perfectly happy.

xxxx

We stayed up late talking, and so slept late the next day. I found a note from Charlie on the kitchen table saying that he didn't want to just hang around waiting all day, so he went in to work. I didn't feel like eating, but Renee coaxed me into a bowl of cereal. "You have all day Bella. I need to eat even if you don't want to."

We just finished breakfast but it was nearly noon. Sleeping in was one way to pass the time and make the day go faster. I alternated calm serenity and panic as I fiddled in the kitchen, trying to find something to do.

Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, Alice arrived. I'd thought she couldn't get any more excited than she'd been already, but obviously I was wrong. She was practically vibrating as I answered the door.

"Give you a couple of pompoms and you'd be all set," I grumbled at her as she burst out laughing.

"I'm your best friend, your maid of honor, and when the night is over I'll be your sister too. Of course I'm excited! Let's go!" She dragged us from the house to begin the beautify Bella routine.

Our first stop was a salon for manicures and pedicures, where once again Alice insisted on a deep red color for all of us. Then it was on to the Cullen house.

Renee looked around in wide eyed wonderment as we arrived. Esme met us at the door, immediately connecting with Renee and putting her at ease. They led us around a large screen that had been set up, shielding the view of the clearing from the front porch.

I looked at the scene critically, searching for obvious signs of fireworks or whatever it was that Alice might have up her sleeve. A small handful of chairs were grouped on either side of an aisle. Someone, probably Jasper and Emmett, had planted some flowering trees at the end of the aisle; their branches extending overhead to form a natural kind of arch. Alice looked at me anxiously, "Did I do ok?" she asked.

I beamed at her. "Perfect," I assured her. "No ice sculptures, no horses, no gold plates, no fireworks, and I don't see anything laying in wait to trip me up," I grinned.

Renee burst out laughing. Little did she know… "It looks like a fairy bower," she said approvingly.

"It still needs a few touches, but nothing that we can't get in place before twilight," Alice agreed. "Bella, tub!" she ordered.

It was like getting ready for the prom all over again, only this time Alice and Rosalie had Renee in their clutches as well. In fact, when Rosalie asked Renee if she wanted to have her hair and makeup done too she practically vaulted into the chair. I smiled inwardly to myself. But then, Rosalie's problem wasn't with the _wedding_. She loved weddings and everything that went in to them. Renee gradually relaxed in the presence of the insanely beautiful people as they worked their magic on us. Esme hovered in the background trying to get me to eat, supplying conversation and laughing as once again Renee trotted out some embarrassing Bella stories.

They helped me into my dress, and then it was back to the stool as Alice and Rosalie unwound my hair from the mess of curlers all over my head. Rosalie started pinning it up as Alice draped a towel around me and brushed a light powder over my face and neck, "to make you sparkle a little," she whispered in my ear and smiled as I blushed.

They both stepped back and Renee breathed, "oh Bella," as Alice steered me toward her full length mirror.

Panic flew over me, quickly replaced with delight as I stared at myself in the mirror. I smiled at my reflection in the mirror. Most of my hair was down, cascading in tumbling curls down my back. My face was slightly flushed, a natural blush that made my eyes look darker than usual. The dress fell perfectly over my body just brushing the floor, accentuating my curves and making my skin look creamy. I wore soft slippers on my feet, as we'd all agreed that me plus high heels plus Charlie was a disaster waiting to happen.

"Thank you Alice, Rosalie," I said turning to them. They just smiled and left to quickly put their own dresses on.

"Well," my voice was suddenly wavery as I turned to Renee.

"You're beautiful Bella. I love Edward's family too. I'm so happy for you," she said seriously. "It feels like a goodbye here, even though that's probably what all mothers feel like when their daughters get married. I know that you're going to be so happy with him." I grabbed a tissue and dabbed at the tears that threatened to spill over.

"Waterproof mascara," I tried to smile. She knew, but she didn't know, and I couldn't confirm or deny her fears. She just squeezed my hands and smiled.

Alice came back into the room, "Bella, it's time to go downstairs. Jasper is waiting in the hall to help you down the stairs, and Charlie is out on the porch."

I walked down the stairs between Jasper and Renee. Jasper was sending waves of calm washing over me, and by the time we reached the bottom I felt much better. I could see Charlie pacing on the porch, tugging at his collar. Alice had managed to force him in to the stroller tuxedo as well, something he'd only do for her. I couldn't see anything beyond the screen.

"Thanks Jasper," I said to him as he offered is arm to Renee to guide her to her seat. He nodded in my direction, winked at Alice, the walked down the steps.

"Wow Bella. You look…" Charlie stuttered, swallowing heavily.

"Thanks Dad."

"Are you ready for this?"

I looked at him, Alice, and then at the screen behind which I knew Edward was waiting for me. Jasper's calm was still working on me, and I felt suddenly eager to see what was hidden from my view. "Yes Dad. I'm ready."

Alice hugged us, beaming. "It's time."


	9. Chapter 9:  The Wedding

_Hello! I am so so sorry for the cliffhanger ending before this. I just can't write when anyone else is in the room and my little guy picked that moment to wake up._

_Anyway, here it is, the long awaited wedding. Please forgive me for the lack of extreme detail with the setting. All things considered, Bella wasn't really paying attention to that part._

_Mood music - a string quartet arrangement of the REM song "Nightswimming," as well as a live accoustic performance of "Crash" by Dave Matthews accompanied by Tim Reynolds._

_Also, the words "I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever." are taken directly from Stephenie Meyer's fabulous book **Eclipse**. My thanks to her for these wonderful characters. They belong to her. I'm just playing with them for a while.  
_

* * *

We slowly walked down the porch steps and over to the screen. I could see around just a little bit to one side of the aisle. I realized that the entire area was lit by candlelight. Iron candleholders of different heights were ranged around, holding ivory colored candles of varying heights. My breath caught in my throat. The soft light lent a kind of magic to the moment, and I reached out to touch Alice before she stepped from behind the screen. "Thank you," I mouthed at her, not trusting my voice to speak. She simply smiled in response and leaned over to kiss my cheek. 

I heard piano music playing. Edward had recorded a simplified version of my lullaby for me to walk down the aisle since I did not want the traditional wedding march, and must have recorded other songs to play for everyone while they were waiting for us to appear.

I couldn't believe it was really happening. I couldn't help thinking, _this is not my life. Something is going to go wrong_. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Charlie looked at me, worried, and I did my best to smile but I wasn't sure how it came out.

I peeked around the screen as much as I could again, and caught the candlelight glinting off of Billy's wheelchair. Quickly I looked for Jacob's tall frame in the seats next to him, but he wasn't there. I felt a wave of relief, quickly followed by guilt at my reaction. I tried to tell myself that I was only thinking of his feelings, but I knew that I wasn't ready to see him again. Not like this, not now. This was a new beginning, and I needed, no, _both_ Edward and I needed to focus on going forward and leaving the past mistakes behind us.

With a last squeeze of my hand and a gentle smile, Alice stepped out. The candle light revealed her dress to be a deep red, the same color as the roses I carried. I felt a sudden lurch as the butterflies in my stomach took up tap dancing. Jasper must have felt it too, because I felt everything go calm around me. I would have to make sure to thank him properly for his help.

Charlie was counting under his breath. He'd been instructed to wait a certain amount of time before stepping out, and was following Alice's instructions to the letter. He looked at me and whispered, "Ok Bells," and we stepped out.

Nothing could have prepared me for the sight before me. There must have been hundreds of candles everywhere, but as soon as I saw him I forgot everything else. I forgot tripping, my nerves, my friends, the Cullens, Renee… even Charlie beside me. In all of the world and for all of time there was only Edward, waiting for me at the end of the aisle.

It's impossible to describe the sight of him, standing next to Carlisle in his dark suit, his pale hands clasped before him as he smiled his crooked smile, his topaz eyes shining with a light that was both softer and brighter than any of the candles ranged around us. He couldn't possibly be real. I felt my heart stop, and then start again with a boom of thunder that caused me to tremble. I followed Charlie's guiding arm as he brought me safely down the aisle to my only destiny.

It took forever to reach him, but at the same time I was there before I could blink. He took my hands in his, mouthing _I love you_ as Charlie went to sit with Renee. His touch brought relief to that pain that I didn't even know I had when we were apart. A pain that I only realized was there once it was gone. We turned to face Emmett.

He smiled fondly down at us and began, "Little did we know when Bella first tripped and fell into Edward's life…" I blushed at this and looked at Edward. His mouth was twitching as he tried to keep from smiling. _Of course Emmett would tell a joke_ I thought as I heard the soft sigh of gentle laughter behind me.

I barely heard him talking as I stood there with Edward, basking in the love I could feel coming from his every pore. And then it was time for our vows.

Alice had insisted that we write our own, saying that it would be more meaningful. We were also forbidden from telling them to each other before the wedding. I hadn't been too happy about that at first. I had a hard time with putting my feelings into my own words, and having to say such things in front of a whole audience of people, even if the audience was small, was intimidating to say the least. But as I turned to him, none of it mattered anymore and I was finally able to say the words I had labored over for the past three weeks.

"Edward," my voice was soft, but I knew he would be able to hear me and as these words were meant for him I didn't worry about trying to be louder. "I never knew life until I knew you. All that I am and all that I feel are because of you. You bring peace to my heart and joy to my days. You make me whole. I never want to leave your side. I give everything to you. I promise to love you forever – every single day of forever." It sounded pitiful, trying to put into words the emotions that were coursing through my body. No words could do them justice. And then it was his turn to speak.

"Isabella… my Bella," his eyes were smoldering with a barely contained passion. "You are my light, my life, my reason for being. You are my shooting star on a moonless night, and my sanctuary from the world. You have eased my spirit, brought me hope, and restored my soul. I owe my existence to you. All that I am, and all I possess is yours. I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever."

I struggled to remember to breathe as his words poured over me, our hearts laid bare in front of our guests. The emotions were too big to contain, and if his hands had not been holding on to mine I would have been knocked over by the sheer force of them. As it was, a few tears escaped to slip down my cheeks.

Finally, after an eternity and a day, Emmett pronounced us husband and wife. My heart stuttered as Edward leaned down, my mind filled with nothing but his lips, his taste, his eyes. His hands cupped my cheeks as he leaned his forehead against mine, saying softly, "Forever Bella," before he kissed me.

Up to that moment, every kiss we'd ever shared had a moment of restraint. Even considering the restrictions that Edward placed out of concern for my humanity, there was the smallest hint – barely discernible – of caution. All of this fell away the moment his lips touched mine. His kiss was gentle, but filled with more passionate desire than I could have imagined possible as he poured himself into me and I gave all I could in return. I forgot everything as I lost myself in him.

xxxx

Since there were so few guests, the brief reception was on the porch and in the living room of the house. Edward and I walked down the aisle to stand at the steps to the porch so we could greet our friends who came to wish us well. As we were standing there waiting for our guests, Edward gently squeezed my hand. I looked up at him to find him staring off into the trees around the house. I followed his gaze, and found a tall dark shape in the trees. Jacob. The shape was still, and then it raised its hand briefly before melting back into the trees. My breath caught in my throat as I realized that he had come to see me get married in the only way that would be bearable for either of us. I looked up at Edward.

"Are you all right?" he was worried.

"I'm ok. I'm glad you told me."

We turned to greet our guests.

xxxx

The hour or so that we spent at our reception went by quickly. We mingled together, Edward's arm around my waist as we visited with our family and friends. Angela hugged me tight, telling me how much she enjoyed being a part of our day and promising to write me often and tell all about her life at college. I caught Billy's eye and he nodded at me in reassurance as he planned his next fishing trip with Charlie. No one quite seemed to know what to say or do. There weren't enough people there to create that general feel of conversation, and we'd skipped the usual dancing routines that went along with a wedding, so there was a slight lift of relief when Carlisle announced that we should be leaving soon if we wanted to make our reservations.

Renee came with Alice up the stairs to help me out of my gown and into a 'traveling dress.' It really wasn't necessary because we weren't actually going anywhere, but it was another part of the meticulous detail that Alice had thought out ahead of time to make things run as smoothly as possible.

My last minutes with Renee were uncharacteristically quiet as I hurried to change. It felt like we'd said all that there was possible to say during our last 30 hours together, and I didn't know how to really say goodbye. I didn't want to make a bunch of empty promises of sending pictures and visiting. Our only contact after this would be through letters, emails, and possibly phone calls, which would gradually have to stop as I pretended to drift away as a busy new wife and college student.

Renee didn't seem to have any words left either and just held me tight for a few minutes. I clung to her, trying to will my body to remember the feeling of her arms around me and the smell of her hair. I did not want to forget her, even if I could never see her again. I felt an ache in the back of my throat and couldn't stop the tears from spilling over.

She pulled away, tears on her cheeks as well. "Be happy Bella," she whispered, and turned to leave.

It was just as hard to say goodbye to Charlie. Even though we'd been more roommates than father and daughter, I knew he loved me even if he didn't know what to do with me most of the time. His chin quivered a little as I pretended not to notice and lightly socked his arm before throwing myself on him for a hug. "Bye Bells," his voice was thick and gruff. "Thanks for coming to live with your old man for a while."

"Ya," I said. My voice was quivering. "It was a real hardship." I tried to crack a smile. "Thanks for putting up with me Dad."

I turned to Edward, who was watching me carefully. _I'm ok_, I mouthed at him, and he relaxed slightly.

"Take care of her," Charlie stuck out his hand to Edward.

"Always, sir," he replied.

The ache was back in my throat and I was fighting to keep my composure when I felt another wave of calm go over me. I looked at Jasper and gave him a small smile. He nodded and winked before turning back to Alice.

Hand in hand, Edward and I made our way to the front door, saying our goodbyes and thanks to our guests. Suddenly, Edward scooped me up in his arms and kissed me before running out of the house to Emmett's cheers and whoops. I laughed as he gently set me in the seat of his special occasion car.

"What was that all about?" I was still breathless from the kiss and from laughing as he slid into the driver's seat.

"That was entirely too hard on you," he touched my face. "I needed you to leave smiling. I hope that's ok."

I kissed his hand, "Thank you."

"My pleasure," he smiled as he leaned over to kiss me again before starting the car. Alice had instructed us to take a drive for a while to give her time to send everyone home with the leftover food. Then the Cullens would take off for a hunting trip, leaving the house to us. My stomach suddenly flipped at the thought. Away from Jasper's calming influence, I started to get nervous and shy. I peeked through my lashes at Edward to find him gazing at me softly. He smiled and took my hand, brushing his lips against each finger as he drove.


	10. Chapter 10: Trying

_This chapter was incredibly hard to write. Not because it was difficult, but because I needed to do it properly to give you a sense of the passion between Edward and Bella. I couldn't bear to cheapen their relationship with a tawdry scene worthy of a bodice ripper. I hope I have done them justice.  
_

_Sincere and special thanks to Stupid Shiny Volvo Driver for being my beta on this chapter. Her suggestions and input helped me get a sense of Edward. I may have to do this chapter again as a oneshot from his perspective._

_Your mood music: Moby. Particularly the songs "Rushing" and "Everlovin." Bless the iPod for its endless repeat.  
_

* * *

I thought we were driving aimlessly at first. I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings, wrapped as I was in the emotional whirlwind that the day had been, and I alternated between staring unseeing out the window and marveling at the man beside me. 

Edward. _My husband_, I thought wryly. That was going to take some getting used to. I'd never thought of him as my boyfriend; he'd always seemed to be so much more than that. Husband was just another conventional word that didn't come close to fitting what we shared. I looked over at him again to find him watching me. His eyes were worried, his brow slightly creased as he gently caressed my hand with the one he wasn't using to drive.

"Tell me what you're thinking?" he prodded me. "I can try to guess from your expressions, but you have me baffled."

"I am baffled," I admitted. "I was thinking about all that just happened, and how, now, you're my _husband_, and how that doesn't fit at all."

"Doesn't fit?"

"Not even close. It's like calling you my boyfriend before. It doesn't come anywhere near the magnitude of what this really is." His eyes crinkled at my words as a crooked smile grew on his face. "You've been worried about me today haven't you?" I asked.

"I have," he replied. "It's extremely difficult for me to watch you go through so much turmoil for my sake."

"For _our_ sakes," I interrupted. "I need this just as much as you do, Edward."

"For our sakes then," he continued. "But it is still unfair that you are saying goodbye to your family while I will remain with mine."

"But, I get your family too. They're my family now. So you could say that all you are getting is me, and I'm getting you plus a whole new family. And anyway, it doesn't matter if we both feel like the other got a raw deal. Being with you, joining your family, is everything I've ever wanted. Or didn't you hear me back there?" I teased.

"I heard you," he murmured. "If my heart was still beating I think it might have exploded." He stopped the car, and I looked up to realize that we were in Port Angeles.

"What are we doing?" I asked as he exited the car. He didn't answer but came around and opened my door.

"Esme wanted me to make sure to feed you," he explained as I saw that we were parked near the Italian restaurant where we'd had… _our first date?,_ if that's what you would call it. "She said that you didn't eat much all day, and she was worried about you. I had the bright idea to bring you back here," he smiled crookedly again.

"I don't really feel hungry," I started to protest, but he held out his hand.

"Please?" How could I resist him anything he wanted?

xxxx

We were seated once again in one of the more private booths. The hostess had been wide eyed at how formally we were dressed. Edward still wore his stroller tuxedo and I was in the evening gown that Alice had insisted on getting for me. Like that first time we came to the restaurant, I didn't feel hungry at all and ordered the mushroom ravioli. And, like the first time, as soon as the Coke hit my tongue, I sucked it down greedily even though it sent a shiver down my spine.

"We're due for a night of repeats it seems," Edward grinned at me as he removed his jacket to place around my suddenly chilled shoulders. He leaned down, "except this time I get to keep you," he whispered in my ear, causing a new wave of gooseflesh to break out over my body.

I took in a shuddering breath, "If we're due for a night of repeats then you have to talk while I eat," I smiled as the waitress brought my pasta and another round of Cokes. "Tell me what everyone was thinking tonight."

"Well," he said leaning his cheek on his hand. "Jasper was hoping that he wouldn't have to tackle me."

"Tackle you?"

"As soon as I saw you," he was looking at me through his lashes, "it was all I could do to stay in my place there by Carlisle instead of running to you and taking you away to keep all for myself." His eyes held a golden fire. "Bella, you were so exquisite… so extraordinarily beautiful, that I didn't want to have to share you with anyone else."

I felt the blood rushing through my face as I struggled to keep chewing and breathing. "Definitely a repeat," I said mostly to myself. "You're dazzling me again."

He laughed quietly as I speared another ravioli and popped it in my mouth. There was a long pause while he played with my fingers.

"I didn't know that Jacob was there until the end," he mused. "I really wasn't focusing on anyone but you, so all their thoughts were just humming in the background. I didn't pick him out of the crowd until he thought directly at me once the ceremony was done."

I'd stopped chewing to listen to him, and quickly took another sip of Coke to help choke the pasta down.

"He wanted me to let you know that he's ok. That he's managing. He prefers his wolf form right now and won't really be around, but he wanted you to know, to not worry."

I nodded, unable to speak for a minute.

"You care so much, Bella," he murmured. "It's one of the things that drew me to you even though I tried to fight it at first. You were more worried about taking care of everyone else than you were about looking after yourself. Even before I knew anything about you I felt the urge to protect you, did you know that?"

I shook my head slowly.

"A part of me knew, from the first moment that I saw you, that you were important to me - that you were vital to my existence. In a way, it's almost like the imprinting the werewolves go through. I didn't know it at the time, but I started falling in love with you the first moment I saw you."

His eyes were closed and he opened them slowly to gaze at me with an intensity that made my heart stutter. My body was alternately overcome with heat and chills as I stared into his burning eyes. I suddenly couldn't eat another bite and I pushed my plate away. "Let's get out of here."

Edward placed some bills on the table and we left without waiting for the waitress to come back.

xxxx

On the drive back to Forks, Edward told me about the rest of the family's plans. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett had headed east to find some larger animals to hunt. Carlisle and Esme were staying in the area, close enough to home to be there within minutes if Edward called. No matter how much I reassured him that I didn't think he would allow himself to hurt me in any way, he insisted on having Carlisle close by. "Besides," he assured me, "Carlisle will still be going in to work at the hospital. He's not the one who's supposed to be on his honeymoon."

Even though I knew his reasons, I couldn't help being embarrassed about it. Intellectually, I could understand that everyone would know what we would be doing on our wedding night. However, it was another thing to have my new father-in-law on call just incase Edward lost control and broke me or hurt me in some way. Or… bit me... But having him nearby at the park was much more preferable to having him actually in the house, and I knew that Edward would not need to call him, so I kept my arguments to myself. I had fulfilled his request to bind myself to him with this human ritual, and now it was his turn to fulfill mine… or at least to, try.

xxxx

We pulled to a stop in front of the Cullen house. The lights were on in the living room, but everyone had already gone. I looked at Edward and couldn't help laughing nervously in the silence.

Suddenly he was gone and at my door, opening it and sweeping me from the car into his arms, his lips cold and urgent on mine. He broke the kiss, his lips moving to my jaw to give me a chance to breathe as he lifted me in his arms and went up the steps and into the house. Then his lips were on mine again as we moved ever upward to the third floor and his room, _our_ room.

I was dizzy as he put me down in the hallway, and it took me a second to realize that we were at the door to the bathroom. "Have your minute," he whispered, his eyes scorching, and turned to walk into his room.

I went into the bathroom and tried to gather my senses. At least this time I didn't have to try to seduce him. I'd bungled that one thoroughly the only time I tried. I decided against a shower, since I'd spent so much time in the tub that afternoon. The afternoon spent on the stool while Alice and Rosalie fussed over me seemed like a million years ago already. I looked in the mirror and decided to just brush my teeth. Might as well leave their magic touches in place while they lasted.

As I looked in the mirror, I spotted something hanging on the back of the bathroom door. I went over to find a silky, midnight blue negligee with a tag hanging on it that said: _Put this on. Trust me. –Alice_

Immediately, I went red again at the thought that Alice had had a vision of us tonight. I turned the card over and found more. _I didn't peek! I promise._ I nearly burst out laughing. But knowing Alice, she would tell me that she hadn't peeked even if she had.

Sighing with laughter, I turned back to the sink and finished up. _At least she didn't try to make me wear garter belts or something_ I thought as I slipped the new nightgown over my head. I studied myself in the mirror and had to admit that she'd done it again. It was Edward's favorite shade of blue and contrasted remarkably with my pale skin. Thin spaghetti straps held it up, and it was conservatively cut enough to make me confident, but revealed enough to make me feel slightly scandalous. It was loose and flowing, but hung perfectly around my curves almost to my knees. I smiled at my refection one last time, and turned to go to Edward.

xxxx

Music was coming out of the room, something that swelled and rolled over me as I came to stand in the doorway. It looked like someone, probably Alice again, had brought a number of the candles from the clearing up to the room. My breath caught in my throat as I found Edward stretched out on the bed. He'd removed his vest and tie, and his shirt was unbuttoned revealing his perfect marble chest as he lay with his hands clasped behind his head, eyes closed.

When he either heard my heart or caught my scent, his eyes flew open and he looked to find me hesitating at the door. His eyes were smoldering, and his breath flew out of his body in a rush. He didn't move a muscle, but sat there staring at me as I felt my entire body blush from head to toe.

He rose from the bed, moving slowly as if he were afraid I would disappear if he moved too quickly. He murmured, "Bella, you are simply too desirable to be allowed." His eyes were aflame as he closed the distance between us and reached out to touch my face, cupping my cheek in his hand. He leaned slowly toward me and I inhaled his sweet breath, tasting him as he brought his lips to mine so gently I was hardly aware he was there. Then my arms were around his neck as he lifted me and carried me to his bed where we knelt facing each other.

"You hardly seem real," he murmured in my hair.

"I could say the same thing," I said as I traced my trembling hands along his chest.

"Are you cold?" he made to push me away.

"On the contrary," I pressed myself against him.

"Slowly Bella," he whispered. "Move slowly." I froze.

I held as still as I could as he brushed my hair from my neck and skimmed his nose from my ear to my collarbone, his icy breath leaving a tingling trail on my suddenly overheated skin.

He began kissing me again, lingering in the hollow behind my ear and gently moving down my neck. He pushed the strap of my nightgown down my shoulder, and I gasped at his touch.

My hands were no longer trembling as I reached to trace the cold perfection of his chest, my breath coming harder as I pushed his shirt down his arms and off his body. I caught his face in my hands and brought his lips to mine. His hands slid down my back as he slowly tipped me backward onto the pillows. I could feel the muscles of his back move under his skin as he moved to brush my hair out of the way so he could attack the other side of my neck with his lips.

I kissed his neck as I traced my hands down his back, slipping my fingers along inside the waistband of his pants before I started back up. His skin was as smooth as highly polished marble, and I couldn't help murmuring, "You're impossible," in his ear before crushing my lips to his once more.

His every movement was gentle and deliberate, and I forgot all of my anxieties as our clothing gradually melted away and I was finally able to fully revel in his beauty. I wanted to taste and touch every inch of him. I stroked my hands over his perfectly sculpted body, following with my lips and tongue as he trembled beneath me.

He repaid me in kind, his frigid breath sending heat through my core as he sighed over my body, whispering, " My Bella, my Bella, you are so beautiful," his lips never leaving my skin.

It was like a dream. I never wanted to wake up.

Candlelight and music washed over us as our legs tangled together. I couldn't touch him enough. I desperately wanted to kiss him deeply, but that was the one thing he yet denied me. His venom and teeth were simply too dangerous for my still fragile skin.

We tumbled together on the bed, our breathing matched as we drank each other in like survivors on a desert island. What my body demanded of him, he willingly gave. My deepest desires were fulfilled as he paused to look into my eyes. I gasped into his mouth as he pressed forward and entered me causing a small shock of pain as my innocence fell away. "Slowly Bella," he murmured into my mouth, more to himself than to me, as he traced my lips with his tongue.

We were both still for a moment, and I watched his eyes as, shuddering with the effort, he fought for control. He plunged his face into my hair, moaning, "My God Bella," as I reached to twine my own hands in his. As he drew his head back, I saw the black fire in his eyes and came to the realization that he was fighting a different urge than the one to bite. Overcome with passion, my head fell back as I arched under him, willing him to continue. He growled low in his throat as he slowly and deliberately rolled so I was on top of him. His hands were guiding my hips as we moved in unison, finally connected in the deepest, most primal way.

My hair fell over us like a curtain, shielding us from the rest of the world as I leaned over him. His hands ran a circuit from my shoulders to my hips as we rocked together, the pain gradually fading to pleasure as we moved. I murmured his name with every breath. My heart thundered in my chest as he pressed his palm to my breast to feel it beating under his fingers. His lips found mine again as he slowly sat up beneath me, wrapping my legs around his waist as he moved. His hands grasped my shoulders gently as he pulled me back so his lips could reach my breasts once again. I began to moan as the pressure built, abandoning myself to him as we moved. His icy breath felt hot on my neck as he moved to the hollow of my throat, gasping my name in total surrender as he held on to me like a drowning man. I brought his lips to mine once more and, needing to taste him once again, I drew his smooth bottom lip into my mouth and instinctively bit it. His tongue met mine briefly, and he moaned as I felt him begin to pulse inside me. I cried out at the swift and sudden ecstasy that broke in waves over my soul.

xxxx

I lay trembling in Edward's arms as my breathing returned to normal, his hands still caressing my body as he breathed my name. He studied my face carefully, his eyes wide and wondering at how much we had been able to share.

"Even now, you are such a mystery to me," he said softly as he traced my face.

"Let me help you understand," I smiled as I reached for him again.

* * *

_Edited after posting: I do realize that there are quite a few stories out there about Edward needing protection to keep his venom from Bella. I didn't want them fumbling with condoms, and since Edward has the capacity to cry without making any tears, I figure he can manage other things without involving bodily fluids too. In my world anyway._


	11. Chapter 11: Change

_I've been thinking about Bella's change since I read the first book, so this is another chapter that pretty much wrote itself. I hope I got it down properly. I know my chapters are short, but I've never been able to be long winded. Think of it as word economy? _

_Your mood music: Muse. "Hysteria"_

_Thank you again for your reviews and private messages. Having so many so quickly is making me giddy._

* * *

Bliss. Being with Edward was completely pure, total and utter bliss. 

I swam to consciousness slowly, stretching in the sunlight that filtered through the clouds as I turned over in Edward's arms to face him. A smile played across his face as he gazed at me. His butterscotch eyes held a shine that hadn't been there before, one that I'm sure was reflected in my own eyes as I smiled back at him.

The past few days had been ours and ours alone. I'd never really considered how all the minutes that I'd spent away from Edward (when I lived with Charlie) added up until I spent nearly every minute with him, savoring each and every one. His touch was nearly constant, his kisses not far behind. We were apart only for my necessary human minutes, and he even followed me into the shower for some of those.

If this was my eternity, I could definitely get used to it.

Edward was gently trailing his fingers along my cheek. "What are you thinking, love?"

"I was imagining spending forever like this," I snuggled closer to him.

His cell phone chirped from the table by the bed. Grimacing, he turned to answer it. His brow suddenly furrowed as he muttered into the phone too quickly for me to understand, and I thought I heard a very low growl as he snapped the phone closed.

I sat up quickly, clutching the comforter to my chest. "What is it? What's going on?" I asked as fear and dread shot through my body.

"That was Alice. Everyone is coming home today," he was evasive.

Everyone coming home sooner than expected would put an end to our alone time, but that wasn't the problem. "Edward," I was exasperated. "I'm not blind. Tell me what's going on." I froze as fear gripped me once again. "Alice saw something, didn't she?"

Edward's arms pulled me close as he stroked my hair trying to calm me. I pushed against his chest and he relaxed his hold so I could look up into his face. "Tell me," I said as forcefully as I could.

His stern mask fell and he pulled me close again. "Volturi," he whispered into my hair.

"They're going to come to check on me, aren't they?" I felt him nod. "Soon?" Another nod. "How soon?" I could barely get the words out.

"She wasn't sure," his voice was a rough, low growl. "But she said that we can't really put it off any longer."

I leaned back and pulled his face down so I could put my forehead against his. I stared into his eyes and whispered, "You have to change me?"

"I have to change you."

xxxx

Carlisle was at the hospital, but Esme was already in the kitchen by the time I went down to get some breakfast. I tried to feign nonchalance as I poked around in the fridge for some eggs.

"What would you like to eat, Bella?" I could hear the worry in her gentle voice.

I squared my shoulders as I turned. "I think I'll make some French toast," I said. "If this is going to be my last breakfast, I should make it be a good one."

"Bella," Edward began, but I held up my hand to him.

"No. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not a little scared by all of this, but I trust you. This is something that we knew was coming, and something that I've been anxious for. I've been trying to get you to do this since I found out it could be done. So I'm not going to spend the day acting like nothing is going to happen. It is what it is. I'm ready for the rest of my life with you to start. So what's a little pain to get in the way?" I tried to sound brave but I don't know if I pulled it off. Edward crossed the kitchen to pull me into his arms again.

"We can try the morphine," he said. His voice was strained. "I don't know if it will work, but we can try it."

I sighed into his chest as I returned his hug. "Go hunt," I tried to sound stern. "Try to meet Emmett and Jasper on their way back here and hunt with them. You have to be strong." I tried to ignore the tightness and worry in his eyes as I said, "Esme is here with me. Go. The sooner you go the sooner you can get back."

He studied my face, and must have found what he needed there because he crushed his lips to mine desperately, and then took off out the door. I didn't realize that I still held the carton of eggs until Esme took it out of my hand.

xxxx

After I had eaten and cleaned up, I pulled myself out of my thoughts. Esme had been waiting patiently for me to finish, and this was a good chance to talk with her before everyone else returned home. I decided to just be blunt and get it out of the way.

"He's going to blame himself isn't he?" I asked her.

"I believe he will, but he will work through it. I think the advantages of having everything done will help him come to terms with it," her eyes were far away as she thought.

"I wish there was a way to keep him away while it's happening." I was frustrated. "I'm more afraid of how he's going to be hurt by it than I'm afraid of the pain," I admitted.

Esme reached to take my hand, "You are so good for him," she murmured. "I don't believe any of us could keep him away from you. He would be frantic, and I think it would be worse in the long run."

"He wants this and at the same time he doesn't want this."

"He would put it off for longer if he could. He feels guilty for wanting it," she agreed.

I sighed and looked up from the handle of the mug I'd been playing with as we talked. "Thanks Esme."

She smiled, "You're welcome Bella. But for what?"

"For talking with me. For wanting me in your family. Just… Thanks."

She patted my hand. "It will work out."

xxxx

Alice and Rosalie were home not long after that. They assured me that Edward had found them on their way and that Emmett and Jasper had gone with him while he hunted. Hearing their news made me feel a little bit better. I didn't want him to be alone out there with this thoughts, and maybe Emmett and Jasper would be able to distract him somewhat.

I was chewing my lip and staring out the window at nothing, so I didn't realize that Alice and Esme had disappeared from the living room, leaving me with Rosalie. I jumped a little when I turned from the window to find her waiting for me. She gave me a tentative smile, and sat down on the couch. Fearing what she would have to say, I crossed the room and sat down with her. Our relationship had gotten easier, especially since planning the wedding, but I was still nervous about what she wanted to talk with me about. I knew she thought I was choosing wrong.

"Bella," her musical voice was quiet as she stared down at her hands. "I'm not going to try to talk you out of this."

I looked up at her in surprise. She was now looking directly at me, her beautiful eyes wide as she continued, "I told you my story, and how I felt, but my story is not your story and now… well now you don't have much of a choice anyway, so"

I reached over and grasped her hand while I interrupted her. "Rosalie, it's ok. It's still my choice. And you're right, my story is not your story. I know you wanted the babies and the growing old together, but that's not what I want. I've had my fill of responsibility and mothering, I promise you. I'll be ok. This life, it's what I'm supposed to do. I'm lucky enough to be able to pick it for myself."

She heaved a sigh and nodded, but didn't say anything more.

xxxx

The rest of the morning was agonizing. I knew these last meals would be the last time I ate human food. I knew that the next time I stood in the sunlight I would sparkle. I hoped that I would be done with tripping over my own two feet. But none of it seemed real. I felt like I was dreaming, or like I was walking through water as I tried to think of ways to occupy my time until Carlisle came home.

Edward came home shortly after lunch, and we spent the rest of the day sitting on his couch listening to music. I stared into his face, trying to smooth his worry away with my hands. "I won't change who I am, will I?" I asked late in the afternoon.

"You will still be my Bella."

"Will I forget everything right away?" I was getting more worried as the time drew closer.

"Not right away. You will remember things, but it will be more like how you remember your dreams. It won't be full stories, but bits and pieces. Flashes here and there, and people who are important to you," he explained. "You will probably remember the few days leading up to now the best."

I smiled at that, comforted. "Those are the days I want to remember."

xxxx

It felt like I was standing still and time was rushing at me. I could almost hear it whistling as it sped by while Edward led me down the stairs to the living room and his family. Alice had dressed me in a simple dark T-shirt and shorts. Edward wore something almost the same.

I looked around at my new family, and drew in a shaky breath, but couldn't manage to say anything. Alice danced over and kissed my cheek before taking Jasper's hand and leaving. I was relieved. There was no point in having Jasper around to be tempted by my blood, not to mention feeling my agony for the next three days.

Edward's hand tightened on mine as Carlisle stepped forward and put his hands on my shoulders briefly before turning to lead us to the basement. I'd never been down there before and looked around curiously as Edward lowered me through the door to Carlisle. There didn't seem to be any way to get down without the help of vampire abilities. It was a large, mostly open room. One end was filled with very high tech equipment, filing cabinets, and what looked like a bank vault. Edward led me towards the mostly empty other end and through a door. The floor felt spongy under my feet, and I noticed the walls were padded as well. I cringed a bit to think of why that might be necessary.

Edward stopped and we stood there looking into each others' eyes for an immeasurable moment. "Carlisle," he said while brushing my cheek with his hand, "may we have a minute please?"

"Certainly," he replied and left the room.

Edward cupped my cheeks in his hands, and I reached up and wrapped my hands around his wrists. I felt like I was falling into his eyes. "Your heart is beating so fast," he murmured. "Bella, I…" he paused, lost for words. His eyes were anguished.

"Shhh," I soothed.

My favorite crooked smile appeared and disappeared on his face as he crushed me to him. "And she soothes me," he mumbled to himself into my neck. "I do NOT deserve you." We were slowly sinking to the floor and I folded myself onto his lap. We sat there stroking each other's faces. Carlisle stepped back into the room.

"Edward," he said quietly. Edward's jaw clenched as he bit back whatever he had been about to say. He was breathing hard through his nose, and his breath washed over me as his arms tightened around me.

"Edward you must," Carlisle said.

"I know," he hissed. "I know," he moaned as he ran his fingers over my face. His shoulders slumped.

I kept caressing his face as I watched him struggle to gain composure. "Edward," I whispered. I could barely get it out over the beating of my heart. He pressed his lips to mine in desperation and I knotted my fingers in his hair.

I felt like I wasn't in my own body anymore as I felt him tear his lips from mine and press them to my throat. There was no pain at first, and I wasn't sure he'd done anything until I heard him swallow, once… twice… three times, before he pulled away roaring, his body shaking with dry sobs. Heedless of Carlisle in the room, he kissed me again, all the rules broken as I opened my mouth to him. His tongue was cold against mine and I tasted his venom mixed with my blood as I heard Carlisle bark, "Edward, quickly!"

I watched him quickly lift my wrists and ankles to his mouth. I felt disconnected from my body, looking down upon myself as I watched him cradle me to his chest, his body racked as he howled to heaven.

I bit my already mangled lip as the burning started, growing more intense with each heartbeat. _I must not scream_, I thought to myself. Edward's pain was too much to bear. I couldn't add to it with my own torment.

The fire ripped through my veins, and I felt slammed back into my body as I started to convulse, my back arching against the pain. I drew great choking gasps in and struggled against it. Edward's face blurred and I closed my eyes. I felt a stab as Carlisle gave me some morphine, but it did not do anything for the searing pain. _He must not know. He has to think it's working._

I cast about desperately, searching for anything that would help me keep from adding to his burden. My eyes were closed, but I could still see something. Each heartbeat made the pain more intense as it pushed the venom through my body, but each heartbeat also brought forth a random image… Renee's hairbrush, rain on a leaf, Charlie's car keys, a pair of socks… like snapshots of things I had seen in my life.

I followed the pictures to see where they were coming from. Dimly I heard Edward's voice saying, "Carlisle, I think it's working." I turned back towards his voice, but the pain was stronger in that direction, so I continued to follow the pictures. I came upon a window, and when I stopped to peer through it I saw Edward. I was looking through my own eye.

I remembered Alice's theory, that my mind was the reason that Edward's power didn't work on me. That all the vampires whose abilities depended on affecting the brain were stymied by me, and I realized that somehow I'd managed to leave my body behind and hide in my thoughts and memories. In some way, my mind was protecting me from the pain my body was going through.

Fearing I would be stuck in my mind forever, I turned back to my body and was hit by a tidal wave of agony as I felt myself crumbling from the inside out. I retreated as quickly and as far as possible to the back of my mind, wrapping my mental arms around my chest and rocking on the floor.

I peeked through the window and saw my body trembling and bathed in sweat, but it was making no noise and its breathing was easy. I retreated back to my corner and began to wait, watching the pictures that passed in front of me.

xxxx

I heard Edward's voice murmuring to Carlisle, but I could not bring myself to go back out into my body to respond.

"She's not making any noise. She's barely breathing. Do you think the morphine is causing it?"

"It should have worn off hours ago. Whatever is happening, it's highly unusual. I've never heard of anything like this."

"Will she be alright?"

"I'm seeing the differences that I would normally see by this point. I believe everything is changing as it did for all of you. She's just not reacting to it in a way we would expect."

"She never does what we expect her to do."

xxxx

I hid, wrapped in my mind, creeping towards my body at intervals to see if the pain was still there to greet me. With every foray I found a new level of indescribable agony waiting for me. I felt my muscles tearing as every cell withered in the intense heat; my bones cracked as ice shot through them; a horrible draining feeling as if my insides were liquefied and sucked away… I ran from all of these sensations back to the safety of my corner, each time fearing I wouldn't be able to find it again and I would be forced to cry out with my pain.

I made my corner into a small version of the meadow. I could not bring Edward there with me, so it was lonely. But it was safe.

Beat… days went by.

Beat… decades

Beat… eons passed as civilizations bloomed, withered, and died… but the pain went on.

Low voices passed over me."She's getting colder."

"Her heartbeat is slowing."

"Is she still breathing?"

I watched from my window as Edward pressed his head to my breast, listening to the final arrhythmia.

I crept from my meadow, cautiously, fearing the all encompassing misery that waited for me in my body. I found the ghost of pain waiting for me. No longer fierce and ferocious, it was relinquishing its hold. I reached back out into myself as I felt it melting from my fingertips, relishing the feeling of stretching as I fell back into my frame.


	12. Chapter 12:  Awakening

_You all are insatiable_. _I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate the reviews and suggestions. I believe I mentioned it somewhere, but maybe it was in the original summary that has since been changed - this is my first fanfic, and to have such a response is overwhelming. Thank you, thank you, many times over!_

_I'm hoping I'm doing Bella well. To answer a couple of questions quickly here - I believe Bella was stronger by the end of Eclipse. She's now a girl who is going after what she wants, and is better at telling it like it is. I'm probably way off base here, as only Stephenie Meyer really knows Bella, but that's why she has the contract and I don't._

_Your mood music: Innocence Mission - "Keeping Awake," and also other acoustical type things. Just going for a general air of peace with her change._

* * *

I reached out carefully, feeling my way back into my body, tense for the pain that might even then envelope me. I felt no pain, no soreness, as if I hadn't been through any kind of ordeal over the past however many days. To say that I felt strange would be the understatement of the year. I'd never been conscious of my own heartbeat before, unless it was going wild because of Edward, so its being missing couldn't account for the strange stillness I felt. My eyes were still closed as I sifted through my anatomy, trying to figure out what it was that felt so foreign to me.

Edward's arms, no longer cold, were still around me, and I could hear him whispering with someone as he tended and watched over my prone form. I nearly smiled as I realized what it was that was missing – like he'd reminded me so many times before. _Breathe Bella_, I thought to myself, and took my first taste of air as a newborn vampire.

It was like flipping a switch. All of my senses were immediately assaulted by my environment as I squirmed and sat up in Edward's arms. The cotton of my T-shirt felt coarse on my skin, and I could swear I was feeling individual air molecules bouncing off my exposed skin. Edward's already mouth-wateringly delicious scent was nearly overwhelming and I pressed my face to his neck trying to inhale more of him into my sinuses. My eyes flew open and I felt myself stop breathing again with the shock of what I saw.

If I had viewed the world in 3 dimensions before, surely I was now seeing it in 4 or 5. We were in our room once again, and everything stood out in crystal clear relief, the hues of colors melding to make even the most mundane objects look extraordinary. Even though I was across the room, I was able to read the minute writing on each of the CDs that lined the wall. I turned my face to Edward's and my breathing started again as I gasped in surprise. _How could it be possible for him to get even more beautiful?_ His stark white face was in contrast with the black of the couch, his already elegant features rendered beyond perfection in my new eyesight, his ruby eyes worried as he froze waiting for my reaction.

I heard someone else breathing somewhere near me and twisted to find Emmett sitting near the door, watching me with caution. I began to understand that they didn't quite know what to expect of me now that my transformation was complete. They simply sat, waiting for me to respond to my new situation. I could only assume that Emmett's presence was in case I went wild and Edward needed help to restrain me.

I turned back to Edward and studied his face, feeling my own break into a smile at the sight of him. He answered me with his own slightly worried grin as I reached to touch his face, and I felt his arms relax around me. "Is it done?" my voice, unused for a time, sounded hoarse and unfamiliar in my ears.

He reached his own fingers out to trace my face. The feeling was exquisite, marble on marble, and it jolted right down to my toes. "Yes I think so." His voice was even more velvety than it had been, nearly tangible as it washed over me. His brow furrowed, "Bella it wasn't like the others. Carlisle said that he hadn't seen anything like it. You were so still… What do you remember?"

"I hid," I shrugged. "I saw you bite me, and at first I couldn't feel anything. But then it hurt so much that I ran away from it and hid." I wrinkled my nose, "It took a really long time."

"Nearly 3 days," Edward agreed. "Bella, what do you mean you hid? Where did you hide? You were right here in my arms."

"I followed the pictures into my mind. They were memories," I tried to explain but it wasn't coming out right. I didn't know how to tell him where I'd been. "I found a corner and turned it into a little meadow and I just waited. It didn't hurt there," I assured him.

He shook his head in disbelief, struggling to understand. I turned as I heard Emmett chuckling behind me.

"Bella, you are too weird sometimes, but you sure aren't boring," he smiled at me.

I smiled back, shrugging my shoulders again. "I can't explain it right. My brain is freaky, so I hid there," I laughed and collapsed back against Edward as his arms tightened around me once again. I looked around the room again, wondering what was expected of me. "So… now what?"

"Well," Edward's voice was guarded. "Are you thirsty? Normally you would be extremely so, but you seem to be writing your own rule book here, Bella."

I realized that I had been swallowing over and over as we spoke. My throat felt abnormally dry, almost sunburned, and my tongue felt thick and scaly. "I am," I said, suddenly afraid of what that meant. We were too near Forks, too near so many people that I knew and loved.

"We're going to help you," Emmett said from behind me. "I was the last one changed in this family, so my experience is more recent than the others'." His eyes suddenly crinkled as his mouth twisted into a wide smile, "Though I have to admit that even before my change I was used to going to hunt for some meat instead of getting it wrapped in plastic from a store," he teased.

I took a shaky breath. "Ha ha," I tried to laugh but it came out as more of a sigh. "We're going to have to do it sooner or later, and my throat is hurting worse, so we might as well get it over with."

Edward was looking anxious again, "You are taking this entirely too well," he began.

"I knew what I was getting in to. I have to eat. You're going to keep me from savaging people. It's pretty simple," I replied.

I jumped as Emmett clapped his hands together, "All right then, school's in session," he declared. "Hunting 101. Let's get going."

xxxx

I thought I was thirsty before, but as soon as we'd changed our clothes and hit the night air my throat burst into flames and I grabbed Edward's hand hard enough to make him wince. "Sorry," I muttered.

"That's going to take some getting used to," he allowed himself a small smile as we started forward into the trees, Emmett snickering on my other side. I remembered my promise to arm wrestle Emmett, and vowed to do it as many times as possible while I'd still be strong enough.

The forest ambushed my senses and I struggled to put names to all the new scents so I could focus. I could hear the individual scurryings of different little animals over the sound of the wind in the trees. The dim light did not hinder my vision in the slightest, and I would be willing to bet that I saw better now at night than I had before during the day. Edward insisted we stand still for a moment so I could acclimate myself, and it was all I could do to stay there. Then suddenly, with the first real smile I'd seen, he said, "Are you ready to try running?"

"As long as I didn't bring a new super power level of clumsiness with me," I grinned back at him. I hadn't even thought about running yet.

His smile grew wider as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Let's go!"

Riding on Edward's back as he ran had at first been a petrifying, and then an exhilarating experience. It was nothing next to running with him, my hand in his. I flew along beside him feeling the wind in my hair and delighting at the ease of my movements. My feet were actually behaving, making almost no noise as we loped along through the trees, our path lit only by starlight. I laughed aloud with joy, and heard him laughing on one side of me as Emmett muttered something about scaring the wildlife on the other. I wasn't even out of breath.

Quickly I quieted down as my thirst hit me again and I remembered our reason for being out in the woods. It was nearly sunrise when Edward and Emmett suddenly pulled me to a stop and we climbed some trees. I could hear something moving up ahead. It smelled warm and wild, and - as strange as it is to say - delicious. I raised my eyebrows at Edward, questioning.

"Deer," his voice was low, his lips on my ear. "There are no people anywhere near here, so there is no danger. Close your eyes and open your other senses. Let yourself go. You already know how to do this; we really don't have to teach you anything. We're just here to make sure your instinct hits the right target."

I nodded, closing my eyes. The forest suddenly grew in volume as I ran my fingers over the rough bark of the tree. My nostrils flared as I took in the messages that were wafting toward me on the breeze. My tongue poked out to taste the air, and I felt myself tensing as the movement of the herd came closer. I opened my eyes and a red cloud came over my vision as I felt the power in my legs unlock, and I sprang.

I came back to myself to find my jaws locked onto the throat of a deer. I was drinking blood, but I couldn't be bothered by that fact as I drained it dry. I tossed it aside to leap on another, my teeth slicing through its flesh with ease as I released a new torrent of blood onto my parched throat. The fire was starting to dim as I tossed that one aside and chased down another. As I finished with my third I felt more in control, and I began to understand that I while could dampen the thirst enough so that it was tolerable, I would never be able to put it out completely.

I turned to see the carnage laid out behind me, a straggling line of bodies stretched out like broken toys leading to where I was standing. I clapped my hands to my face in horror at what I had wrought, and Edward's arms appeared out of nowhere to pull me tight to him. I turned and buried my face in his chest as he rubbed my back.

"It gets easier," he whispered.

I nodded against him as I sniffed, "I just need to get used to no plastic wrap," I tried to joke.

He cupped my chin in his hands and tilted my face up so he could study it.

"I'm fine," I insisted. "It's just a lot to take in all at once. OK?" His eyes were tight as he nodded.

xxxx

We took our time going back to the house. I could tell that Edward was brooding again, probably wondering if he'd done the right thing by changing me. I felt like he was watching my every reaction for some sign that he was right, never mind that nothing could be done about it now even if he was.

When we were almost home, I put my hand on his arm and slowed to a stop. Emmett looked back over his shoulder, but kept walking, leaving us alone.

"Edward," I looked into his eyes, which were now a light topaz with streaks of red in them, "You have to stop."

He put his hand to my face, brushing away my hair, "Stop what my love?"

"Waiting for the running and the screaming," I elaborated. "You're stuck with me now, so you need to get used to the idea. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not going to go into shock on you. When it came to changing, the worst part for me was the pain, and I managed to get out of that part of it. Now my main worry is becoming a menace to society, and I have you and all of your family to help me out with that part, so it would be really nice if you'd stop beating yourself over the head with this and just be happy. It might make things a little easier."

He studied my face carefully. "You are completely abnormal, do you know that?" he was teasing again, so maybe I was getting through.

"You knew about that from the time you saved me in Port Angeles. You kept waiting for me to go into shock then too," I reminded him. "Besides," I continued, trailing a finger down his torso, "You seem to have forgotten about the benefits of my renovations."

He arched an eyebrow, "Benefits?"

"Yes benefits," I was extremely glad that I couldn't blush anymore. "Because you see, we _are_ pretty much still newlyweds," I chanced a glance at his face and saw his mouth twitching as he tried not to smile. "And now I'm far more… how did you put it?"

"Durable?" he supplied, his voice once again that smooth velvet that I could nearly feel running over my body.

"Yes, durable. I'm far more durable than I used to be." I slid my fingers along his waistband and looked at him again. I reached up and pulled his face down so I could kiss him slowly and passionately, finally without restraint.

When I pulled away I saw that his crooked smile was back, and this time it reached his eyes.


	13. Chapter 13: untitled

_Once again I am floored at the amount of love coming through in reviews and private messages. It's great encouragement to keep writing. I won't be one of those who threatens no more chapters until you review though. My brain won't hold still, so I'm sure I'll keep going until it or this story fizzles out._

_Playing with Bella the vampire is fun. She's still figuring out who she is, and her emotions are all over the place. Plus now that the rest of the family is going to be around I can start playing with them too. I don't know them as well, so they'll probably be OOC, but I'll do my best with the glimpses that Ms. Meyer has given us so far in her books. The real books, which I don't own etc etc._

_Your mood music: U2 - "Stay (Faraway, So Close)" There's just something about Bono crooning at me to stay that really makes me think of Edward sweeping Bella into his arms. Sap? Me? How did you guess?_

* * *

Our fingers were laced together as we climbed the porch steps to the house in the early morning light. I felt Edward pause slightly just before a voice came out of the shadows, causing me to jump and give a small squeak of surprise.

"Boy Bella, you look a little gruesome," Alice said with a smirk.

"Alice!" I ran to hug her as she laughed delightedly. "What do you mean gruesome?" I wondered. It would be just my luck that the outrageous vampire beauty passed me over and left me looking like a hag compared to the rest of them. I stiffened a little as I realized that I had yet to look in a mirror. I had no idea what I looked like now.

"Well, you're a bit messy," she waved her hand at my general direction. "But I suppose that table manners come with practice."

"Alice," Edward hissed as I glanced down and saw the streaks and dribbles of blood on my shirt. I dropped his hand and tugged out my shirt so I could see it better, blanching a bit. I reached up to wipe at my face with my sleeve.

"I think I need a shower," I mumbled, turning to go into the house.

"Good idea," Alice was winking at me, practically leering as Jasper grinned at me over her shoulder. He'd obviously said something to her about our mood as we approached the porch. I rolled my eyes, glad for the hundredth time since my transformation that I could no longer blush as they both broke out laughing. Edward had told me about the amount of teasing he'd been subjected to leading up to our wedding. It looked like it was going to continue, especially since both of us were now at their mercy. I heard Edward growl a little as he urged me through the door with his hand in the small of my back.

"Exasperating," he was muttering under his breath as he stomped up the stairs behind me. "Like I haven't had to live with all of them _thinking _things at each other all this time." I had to giggle a little at that. His behavior was surely a large part of impetus to tease him. I tried to wipe the smirk off my face as he caught up to me at the top of the stairs, but I was unsuccessful and when I saw the look on his, I burst out laughing.

He caught me by my waist and spun me to the wall, pressing his hands on either side of my head and leaning in. "What's so funny Bella Cullen?" his eyes were laughing even as he growled at me.

"You, having a tantrum like a little boy," I touched his nose. "And you call me adorable."

"Oh really," he arched one eyebrow and smiled crookedly at me. "I am at your service, here for your amusement," he brought his lips to mine.

"Get a room!" Emmett's voice came up the stairs, and I snorted as Edward growled again.

Living with everyone else was going to take some getting used to.

xxxx

Edward insisted on undressing me in our room, and leading me blindfolded to the shower. "You only get to see yourself for the first time once," he explained. "You'll want to get cleaned up, so your first view is a good one." It did make sense. I really didn't want to have a mental picture of me looking all gory, so I didn't argue with him as he led me towards the hot water.

"Everything is a first experience now, you know," I said to him as the water hit my skin. He'd turned it up as high as it would go. The flow of the water was like the smoothest silk and the heat was blissful on my now cold flesh. "I didn't even feel like I was cold before I got in here, but this feels sinfully warm." I turned to rinse my hair in the steaming spray. Even the rough feel of the washcloth was delicious as he rubbed it over my body. I could almost feel my skin warming to near human temperatures under his ministrations, and I was struck with something that I simply had to ask.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?" he had discarded the cloth and his hands were running up and down my back with the water, making it hard for me to concentrate on getting my question out. I turned my face and pressed my cheek to his chest.

"I'm not warm anymore," I whispered. "Do you miss it?" I wanted to hear the answer but I didn't, and I was afraid of how he would respond.

His eyes were sad and soft as he brought one hand to my chin to tip my head so he could search mine. "Oh Bella," he sighed. "I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss the little bits of you that you left with your humanity. Your beautiful blush, your heartbeat, and the heat of your body…" I closed my eyes and he kissed them back open. "But those things are insignificant, completely unimportant, when I compare them to all of the things about you that I find to be so beautiful… so necessary to my existence that I cannot imagine living without them."

I sniffed and looked into his eyes, willing myself to believe what he was telling me. "I don't want to you be mad at me and regret everything."

"As if I could be mad at you," he pulled me back to his chest and stroked my hair, his voice rumbling against my ear. "You gave up everything for me. Any regrets I have… I'm just anxious that you will realize all you gave up and hate me for taking it all from you."

I shook my head, putting my hands on his chest and pushing him to arm's length so I could look at him properly. "You listen to me and hear me Edward Cullen," my voice was fierce as I scolded him. He had to understand. "This is _everything_. This is all I've ever wanted. You didn't take a thing from me, and I will _never_ hate you for keeping me with you forever." I stood there with my hands on him, my chest heaving with the force of what I was trying to pound into his head.

"Bella," his voice was low and rough, and I suddenly remembered that we were both standing there in the shower without a stitch on. He pulled me into his arms, lifting me so I could wrap my legs around his waist as he took my lips hungrily with his own. Heat bloomed within me as he pressed my back against the tile walls, my heightened senses making every sensation radiate to the end of my being.

He began to explore me as if he'd never seen me before. His touch was still gentle, but not as careful as he ran his hands over my body. My every cell reacted as if jolted by lightening, and if it felt the same for him I could only imagine the control he must have had to touch me in this manner when I was a human. It made me love him even more, if that was possible.

I barely noticed as he abruptly shut off the water that had gone cold and shouldered open the door, his hands never still as he carried me back to our bed. My entire focus was on Edward and his body, his hands, his lips. His scent was even stronger now than it had been when I first woke from my transformation, and his breath now felt hot on my neck as he whispered into my ear.

I caught his face and brought his lips back to mine. "Now that I can kiss you properly you can't get away so easily," I murmured into his mouth, feeling his lips curve into a smile under mine.

"I'm not running anywhere without you," he caught my hands in his and laced his fingers in mine. "I could stay here forever."

xxxx

I wrapped my frame in a sheet from the bed, and steeled my nerves, trying to prepare myself to stand in front of the mirror for the first time. I couldn't explain why I was apprehensive, but I was. Maybe it was because that this was it, this was going to be what I looked like for all time, and if I didn't like it I was stuck with it anyway. I had seen some of the alterations in my body already, and my clothing had definitely fit differently when I'd dressed to hunt, but I had yet to see my face. Edward kissed my forehead. "Wrapped up like that, you look like a piece of art ready to be unveiled," he smiled as he pulled on a pair of jeans.

"I'm hardly a piece of art," I said dryly.

"I beg to differ."

I rolled my eyes at him and opened the door. I crossed quickly to the mirror and dropped the sheet before I could lose my nerve. Edward came to stand behind me as I perused my new body. My breasts had not been large to start with, but they were a bit larger now, giving me a more voluptuous figure. My curves were certainly more pronounced than they had been, and though I'd never been athletic I could see that my muscles looked toned and firm. My alabaster skin lay smoothly over them, and as I turned I could find no flaws.

I leaned in to examine my face carefully. If someone just glanced at me quickly, they might think that I looked the same as always. However, as I studied my reflection, I saw that all the little imperfections that had bothered my through my life had been erased. All of my scars had disappeared. My lips were pouty, a little fuller than they'd been before. My eyes were a little bigger, with thick lashes that never need to fear Alice and her mascara brush again. They were also no longer the deep chocolate brown that they had been, but were instead a bright scarlet. Even though I knew that they would be red, and would stay so for about a year after my change, my face still crumpled upon the sight. Edward's arms snaked around my waist as he pulled me to him.

"What's the matter, love?" he was apprehensive as he watched me through the mirror, his eyes wide as he tried to comprehend what I'd seen to upset me.

I turned to him, hiding my face in his arm as I sniffed uselessly at nothing. My emotions were out of control. I felt whipped around as I bounced from happy to embarrassed to devastated to fearful in the space of seconds. My voice quivered as I said, "My eyes are red… like _them._" Not just like them though, they also reminded me of the girl from the clearing after the battle. Bree. Of how she struggled and wailed trying to get to me, to feed on me, a human. Of what _I_ might do if I were around any humans now, even someone I loved. Even Charlie.

"Oh Bella," he sighed into my hair, soothing me.

"I know," I muttered. "It's dumb. It's absurd to be upset about something as trivial as what color my eyes are, but I am. It just makes me think of them and how cruel they are. I don't want to look like that." I couldn't suppress a shudder at the memory of our trip to Italy. "And it makes me think of how I might mess up and kill a human… like Charlie." His arms pulled me closer.

I stooped and pulled the sheet back around me as I heard footsteps in the hall and then a tapping at the door.

"Come in Alice," Edward had forgotten his earlier pique in the face of trying to sooth me through my outburst.

Alice moved fluidly through the door, and pressed something into my hand while kissing my cheek. "The fact that you're so upset over the color of your eyes shows how much our way of life means to you," she said seriously. "I wouldn't call it trivial at all."

"Thanks Alice," I looked down at my hand to find a small contact lens case. "Oh!" I hadn't even thought about disguising my eyes, thinking I would have to live with them for the year before they'd turn the beautiful golden topaz color of the rest of my family. It wasn't like I was going to be around humans who would see them. If I was that close to a human, my eye color would be the least of their concerns. I smiled, rocketing through emotions again as I realized that Alice had gotten them simply for me, for _my_ comfort. "But how do I get these in?" I'd managed to make my way through the day without any serious bouts of klutziness, but leave it to me to be the first vampire to poke her own eye out trying to put in contact lenses.

"I'll show you how," she said brightly. "Come on," she cocked her head at my sheet. "It looks like you could use a little help with your wardrobe too." Alice tugged me out of the room while Edward's laugh rang out behind me.

xxxx

I sat on the stool in front of Alice's vanity practicing putting the contacts in and taking them out again. I didn't know if I would need to know how to take them out, and Alice couldn't really tell me either. She had worn them before for fun, but not for any long term amount of time. Contacts hadn't been an option when any of my family had been newborn vampires.

Once they were in place, I felt much better. My eyes were once again the dark brown that I was accustomed to, and I knew that Edward would appreciate the little reminder of my humanity.

Alice had hauled out half her closet, attempting to force me into several different outfits while Rosalie offered her critique from the safety of the bed. She also had gone to Charlie's to pick up the bags of clothes I'd packed before the wedding, since Charlie believed that she would be bringing them to me as I started school in Alaska.

I sighed as the pile of clothing that used to fit well and no longer did grew larger, knowing that Alice was hatching some grand shopping scheme to replace everything and add to my wardrobe as well. Alice was muttering something about on the way to Alaska.

"What was that?" I hadn't been paying attention.

"We'll have to pick up some more suitable clothing for you on the way to Alaska," she replied calmly, ticking things off on her fingers. "You won't be able to go of course, so Rosalie and I will do it for you."

"We're still going to Alaska?"

"Yes. It's time for us to leave here," she explained. "Carlisle is already pushing the limits of believability at the hospital, and we can't risk you running into anyone you know. Well at this point running into anyone really. We need to get you somewhere remote for a while, and since Charlie already believes that you're going to Alaska it's easy to go with. And there's the fact that all of us have finished with high school here, so if we stay in the area we're all pretty much stuck in the house all of the time," she made a face at the idea.

I hadn't even considered leaving yet, but it made sense. Already I was starting to feel the need to hunt again, and it hadn't even been 24 hours since I'd gone. If we stayed here where there was a chance of running into humans if I went in the wrong direction, the consequences could be disastrous. Not to mention I would probably single handedly decimate the deer population in the park at the rate I as going, and I wanted to be too far from Charlie to cause him any harm. Relief washed over me as I brightened at the idea. I would miss Forks, miss this house I'd come to think of as home, but staying here was much too dangerous for everyone.

"When are we leaving?" I asked as Edward showed up in the doorway.

"Carlisle wants to see all of us to talk about that very thing," he said.


	14. Chapter 14: Homecoming

_Can you even begin to understand my elation? I have over 200 reviews, and this is my first ever story. If you have left reviews for me, thank you so so much! If you've read and not left a review, I thank you all the same! but really, I'm interested in hearing your thoughts, so please share them if you have a minute._

_Sometimes a chapter is easy to write. Sometimes, not so much. It needs to percolate a bit, and I have to carve out minutes here and there while I can. I've gotten better about writing when Hubs is in the room - which is good because he was getting mighty tired of me holing up in a dark room after the kids were in bed. Still can't bring myself to be prolific. Word economy - say it with me. Short and sweet and to the point._

_Some of you might protest that Edward's question in the car is OOC, but I just had to do it. He is inexperienced in such matters, and he really wants to know. Having Bella alone in the car with no one else around to hear, he just has to ask. Allow me my little delight in his embarrassment and Bella's wicked little reply. _

_Your mood music: 2 songs this time - Appliance - "Pacifica" and The Wailin' Jennys - "Heaven When We're Home"_

* * *

I leaned my forehead against the cold glass of the window, staring at Charlie's small house one last time. It was nearly 2 o'clock in the morning, and his cruiser was in its usual spot in the brick driveway. The clouds were thick over Forks, but not so thick that the moonlight didn't break through now and again. I hoped he was sleeping well.

My memories of the house were fragmented, blending together into a general idea of what life with Charlie had been like. I cooked food in the little kitchen with the sunny yellow cabinets, watched TV on the shabby couch in the small living room, slept in the blue walled room with the old lace curtains at the open window – always wide open for Edward to come to me. If I focused I could pick individual threads from the blur, but that would fade with time. It was shocking to consider that I'd only lived there for a couple of years when my clearest human memories were of my life there.

I looked away from my window to Edward, sitting in the driver's seat rubbing circles on my hand with his thumb as I tried to say goodbye to a place and a life that I had known. I could not say goodbye to Charlie with a kiss and a hug. This was as good as I could get for now. Any closer would be dangerous for both of us.

His eyes were filled with sorrow as he looked at me. "Take all the time you need," he murmured. No one was awake to see us, and the new 4 wheel drive land rover was unfamiliar to Charlie if he happened to wake up and glance out of his window. I turned back to look, tracing the lines of the house with my eyes, knowing that now I would always remember this house even if I couldn't remember my life inside it. I leaned against the window again, and my breath made no fog to obscure my vision. Little changes like that were still surprising to me.

The past few days had been too busy for me to really think about the implications of leaving Forks. The family's cars had been either been sold or put into storage. Furniture had been donated or disassembled and loaded into the large truck that Emmett would be driving north. Paperwork had been placed in order, IDs forged, plans checked and double checked. The amount of detail in the move was astonishing, but everyone in the family took it as a matter of course. They'd done it many times before, picking up and settling in a new life, a new identity, as easily as I'd once changed my shoes.

We were headed for Alaska. Carlisle and Esme had located and purchased a house near a town called Circle Hot Springs that had been built by a group wanting to sponsor eco-tours of the Yukon River. Fortunately for us, their venture never took off, so the house met our criteria of being available and suitably remote. I was confused at first, thinking that we would be going to stay with the other vampires in the Denali area, but that wasn't to be. Carlisle explained that too many of us in the same area would attract too much attention, and because his family had been in that village immediately before coming to Forks, they did not want to return to the same location. The residents in and around Circle City and Circle Hot Springs were happy to have a new doctor fresh out of school come to their area to work a rotation through their clinics, and everything fell into place with ease.

I turned away from the house again. No amount of gazing at it would change a thing. I didn't feel as much loss as I'd imagined I would, as all of my fondest memories of Forks were wrapped up in the man sitting next to me. It was time to go. I drew a shuddering breath, let it out, and smiled. All that mattered in the world was right here with me, and I would go to the ends of the earth and beyond if that's what it took to be with him. I raised his hand to my lips and gently kissed it before saying, "Let's go."

xxxx

The miles between Washington and Alaska unrolled beneath our tires, spinning away like so many memories I left behind. I reveled in the peaceful time, alone with Edward once again. The last few days had been so chaotic with our preparations, we hadn't had much time together, newlyweds or no. Edward had made it a point to visit the meadow one last time together, and a smile flitted across my face as I thought of it.

I looked over at him to find him grinning back at me, and he laughed gently before saying, "Tell me Bella, why am I smiling?"

"For a minute there I thought you'd managed to finally read my mind," I teased.

"Would that I could," he sighed. "I'm unable to keep from responding to your smile. Simply knowing that something is making you happy is enough to have me grinning like a fool," his eyes were warm as he mused.

I took his free hand and began tracing the lines of his palm as I had that first visit, a lifetime ago it seemed, to the meadow. "I was thinking of our meadow, and our last visit there," I glanced at him sideways to see his crooked grin.

"That was a particularly good visit," he agreed. He was silent for a moment. "I was wondering if you would answer a question for me?"

"What do you want to know?" I was a little fearful he would start on the track of me leaving everything behind, so I was surprised when he didn't immediately answer me. I looked over to find him completely focused on his driving, looking out the windshield as if we were on a winding mountain road instead of on the straight, flat Canadian highway.

"Edward?" I prodded, mystified.

He glanced quickly at me out of the side of his eyes and cleared his throat. "Well," he paused.

"That's a very deep subject," I teased, trying to draw out whatever it was that had him so reticent.

"Remember that you introduced the subject," he began, and paused again. I simply sat waiting, wondering what subject I'd brought up. "Because I've only… _known_ you… as a vampire… while you've…" I realized as he struggled for words that he'd be beet red if he had the ability. "Well, you were human and then a vampire so you've had both experiences."

I couldn't help a wicked smile as I turned to him and asked, "Edward my love, are you asking me if you're good in bed?" I couldn't help myself. Smooth, unflappable Edward; embarrassed and squirming was too delicious to pass up.

He didn't answer, but was even more focused on his driving, the fingers on the hand I'd captured twitching slightly as I ran my fingers over them. I watched as a slow smile broke over his face as he considered the situation, "I suppose it's amusing, and cliché to ask," he allowed as I laughed.

I gently kissed his fingertips before I leaned over to whisper in his ear, "My dear Edward, _every_ sense is heightened as a vampire." I swear the car swerved slightly, and I leaned back to my chair laughing.

That was easily the most entertaining conversation of the trip.

xxxx

We were driving in a caravan with Alice and Jasper in the car behind us. Alice had planned our route meticulously, to avoid placing me near humans as much as possible. They even timed their gas stops alternately, pulling over to the side of the road for me to change into Alice's car if Edward needed to stop for fuel. She would then drive at normal human speeds through the town and down the highway while he made his stop and then caught up to us. It worked very well, and I was glad for their concern. I'd hunted every day before we left Forks, and the trip north was the longest I'd gone since my change. I hurried to get in the car when we were pulled over, fearing some good Samaritan would stop to see if we needed help. Fast driving and not needing to stop to eat or use the rest areas made the drive go by quickly, and we reached Circle by evening of the next day.

Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie had left Forks before we did, so they were already there when we pulled up to the house near twilight. It didn't look as large as the white house on the river that we'd left behind, but it was long and low, curling around the side of a hill like it was seeking shelter from the wind, which on second thought it probably was. It was one story, with what looked like a large garage carved into the hillside below it. I imagined there were stairs on the inside leading up to the house, so a person could get inside without having to brave the arctic cold.

The siding was a dark wood with green trim and heavy shutters for the windows. Several chimneys stuck up from the roof, and it blended in to the surrounding woodland very well. It had a deep front porch that overlooked the river winding through the valley far below. I stopped to look at the view before entering the house, leaning on the railing and staring in wonder at the beauty stretched before me. I didn't snap out of my reverie until Edward's arms snaked around my waist and he kissed the hollow behind my ear. "Do you like it?"

"It's breathtaking. How did Esme find it?"

"It's her hobby, finding places like this and fixing them up, making them feel like home."

"Fun hobby to have," I said, and went to help unload the last of the truck.

"I have it," Emmett said passing me. "You need to get out and hunt quickly so you can explore the new place. Jasper and Alice are waiting down the hill for you."

"Thank you Emmett," I said. I'd once again been swallowing continuously, reflexively trying to quell the burning in my throat. I hadn't even noticed until he said something. I must be making progress. "I might as well face my realities," I sighed. I had hoped to be able to go longer by now, but they all assured me that I was doing well. I supposed I needed to let go of the irrational hope that my distaste of blood when I was a human would make it easier to go without it now.

"It's been two days. You're doing very well," Esme said from the porch. "Go on and take care of yourself. We can handle things here." Her smile was like a hug as Edward took my hand and we walked down the slope to find Alice and Jasper.

Alice danced over to me, "How are you holding up?"

"I'm good," I assured her. "I thought that leaving Forks behind would be harder, but aside from Charlie and everyone at La Push, I brought everyone I cared about with me," I smiled. "It's actually much easier than I thought it would be."

xxxx

It didn't take us long to find game to hunt. The area was teeming with wildlife, and we were very near two parks that provided ample opportunities. I imagined Emmett's delight when he saw how many bears were around.

There were plenty of wolves in the area, but I couldn't bring myself to hunt them. I knew that they had no relationship to Jacob or any of the others in the pack, but it felt like betrayal to even consider them, so I shied away. Edward remarked on this with raised eyebrows, and I answered with a shrug. He caught my hand and pulled me closer to whisper, "I'm not upset. This is your first sign of restraint. I'm impressed."

Impressed? I looked into his eyes, searching for some indication of anger or hurt there, but couldn't find anything to make me doubt him. "You're not mad?" I asked him anyway.

"Never Bella," he murmured. "It's who you are."

xxxx

We returned to the house to find most of the heavy work done. We'd left most of the furnishings behind, and Esme was looking forward to the fun of finding things to compliment the mostly wooden, honey colored interior. The front door opened to a central area that was much larger than it looked from the outside. It was graced by a large fireplace, and had several windows that were not large, but were well placed to allow maximum light. Esme had already found and arranged some thick, creamy woolen rugs on the floor, and Emmett was in the process of starting a fire. I turned around, surveying the scene of my new home. I completed my circle to find Edward staring down at me, a curious light in his eyes as he grinned down at me.

"What are you smiling at?" I wondered.

"Not one thing in particular," he said, wrapping his arms around me. "I've never had the experience of starting over with someone before," he continued. "In the past, every time we've moved I've been a brother, a son…" he leaned down to touch is forehead to mine. "It's uncharted territory for me to have you, to be a husband, to spend my first night in our new home with someone else rather than alone with my thoughts," he smiled gently. "It's a feeling that I could become accustomed to very easily."

I was falling into his eyes again as I reached up to wrap my hands around his neck, but the fire popped, reminding me that we were in the main room of the house instead of on our own. I looked around quickly, but the rest of the family had disappeared, clearly giving us some privacy as we settled into our new space and into our new roles.

He lifted me into his arms, "I did miss bringing you over the threshold of the house, but I will bring you to our room properly," he murmured, his eyes alight.

He turned to the right and entered that wing of the house, passing one door that he identified as Alice and Jasper's room and another that he said was Jasper's study. Emmett passed us in the hall, clapping Edward briefly on the back as he passed when Edward thanked him.

"What was that about?" I asked. Usually Emmett wouldn't pass up such an opportunity to tease.

Edward smiled crookedly down at me, "They're all feeling generous," he explained. "They're nearly as happy as I am to have you here with me." We reached the end of the hall and he turned to the right and into our room. I gaped as I realized that it was nearly completely set up, the couch already placed along one wall, the bed standing fully assembled and made on the thick cream carpeting. The CDs had been unpacked onto built in shelving, and the stereo was fully set up in a nook that seemed expressly designed for that purpose. Our suitcases of clothing were the only things that had been left untouched.

I shook my head slowly in disbelief and mild embarrassment. "We weren't gone that long. How did they get all of this done?"

"Emmett and Rosalie made this room a priority," he smiled crookedly down at me. "I suppose they're trying to atone for all the thoughts I've had to hear over the past seventy or so years," he chuckled to himself.

"We should thank them."

"Indeed, we should," he agreed as he ran his lips from my ear to my collarbone. He crossed the room and set me gently on the bed, pushing me back onto the pillows. "We'll make it a priority, first thing tomorrow."


	15. Chapter 15: Close Call

_My friends, I am a review junky! You've all said such wonderful things, it's really a boost to the old self esteem. Thank you!_

_I've gotten a few questions on the lemony aspect. I'll say it now, I don't think I'm that great at writing them. I can't bring myself to be explicit, and focus more on the emotional aspect than anything else. Sorry, but if you want the really thrusty stuff there are plenty of fanfics out there to fill the need. I do my best, but I can't write all of it out for you. Edward and Bella simply can't keep their hands off each other, and I'm sure you all have lively imaginations. You hardly need me to point you in that direction. I've stuck a bit in here, but again it's more emotional than anything. If you've ever had a big scare and just needed to cling to someone, you'll understand.  
_

_Your mood music: For most of this I just listened to a whole CD. Muse - Origin of Symmetry, but for the last section I listened to a specific song. I heard a snippet on a commerical, tracked it down and bought Ingrid Michaelson - "The Way I Am." Go listen to it, and think of our favorite couple, but I am in no way responsible for the urge to storm Old Navy and buy a sweater.  
_

* * *

"Hey Bella," Alice was bright as she bounded down the hallway into our room. I was kneeling on the floor in front of my suitcases, wearing one of Edward's shirts with the sleeves rolled up while I scowled and dug through what I had thought was my clothing. 

"Alice, when did you get this stuff? And where are the clothes that I packed?" I quizzed her. She just laughed.

"Bella, none of those clothes fit you very well at all, your body changed."

"Some of it fit," I muttered, going back to poking through the suitcase. It was filled with her usual assortment of designer labels. She had probably invested more in the contents of that suitcase than I'd sent to the university for my tuition.

"Bella, you're a Cullen now. You have to dress the part."

"Did you get anything normal at all?"

Her eyes narrowed, "Define normal."

"I like what you have on now," Edward smoothly interrupted from his spot over on the couch. I turned my glare on him. He enjoyed it way too much when Alice and I butted heads over something. Leave it to him to call attention to the fact that I wasn't wearing anything but his shirt. His eyes crinkled as he grinned at me and Alice tittered.

"Fine," I huffed, snatching up a pair of jeans and dragging them on. "I'll just wear this today." I flashed a smile at Edward as his grin grew wider and Alice pouted. "I'm going to go see if I can find some hangers for this stuff," I said waving my hand at the pile of clothes spilling out of the suitcases, and set off in search of Esme.

I wandered down the slightly curving hallway, my footsteps noiseless on the thick carpeting that was warm beneath my feet. There were no doors or windows on one side of the hallway, and I realized that it must be cut into the hill a little bit to provide more shelter from the weather. The other side had our doorway at the end, a long space of blank wall, and then the doors to Jasper's study and Alice's room. I glanced into the door of his study as I walked past, and saw Jasper surrounded by boxes spilling computer parts out onto the floor. He looked up and grinned around the tool he had clamped in his teeth as he fit two unidentifiable pieces together. "Better you than me!" I laughed.

The next door was the room he shared with Alice, and I was impressed to see that nearly everything had been put into place. She even had things hung on the walls already. Alice must have been manic as a human to get everything done as quickly as she did now, there was no other explanation.

I was still shaking my head to myself as I left the carpeted hallway for the wooden floors of the main living area. I turned slowly around to get a good look at it once again. The area was dominated by the massive stone fireplace, a larger version of the ones in our room and Alice's room. From the number of chimneys I'd seen yesterday, there must have been one in every bedroom of the house. I wandered across the room and found another wing on the left side that was a mirror image of the wing that our bedroom was on. I walked down the hallway to find Carlisle in the study on this side, arranging his books on the shelves.

"Hello Bella," he said warmly. "Can I help you find something?"

"I was looking for Esme to ask about some hangars."

"Our room is the one at the end of the hall, and Rosalie and Emmett are in the other room. If she's not in one of those rooms, you might try the kitchen."

"Thanks," I smiled and padded on down the hallway. Esme wasn't in the room she shared with Carlisle, but I did find Rosalie in the other bedroom that corresponded to the one Alice shared with Jasper.

"Rosalie," I said at the same time that she said my name. Her musical laugh washed over me.

"I just wanted to say thanks," I stammered, "for fixing our room last night." I didn't know how to relate to Rosalie yet. We hadn't spent much time together at all since my change, and I wasn't sure where I stood with her.

She smiled gently. "You're welcome Bella." She rose from where she was kneeling next to a box and crossed the room to me. "I've been avoiding you since your change because I didn't know what to do. You see," she paused, her beautiful mouth moving into a half smile. "All our differences in opinions are beside the point now, and the most important thing to me is our family. You're a part of that now, so…" she trailed off. "And Edward has been so much more tolerable lately," she laughed and I couldn't help but smile back at her.

"So, are we friends now?" I asked boldly.

She put out her hand. "Friends," she said, and I smiled.

"Thanks Rosalie. Can I help you unpack? You did so much of mine."

"That's alright. I'm nearly done and Emmett should be back in a minute, and then we're going to go hunt."

I nodded and continued on in my exploration of the house and search for Esme. I walked back out into the main room and faced the fireplace. The front door was at my back, the hallway to our room was on the right, the other hallway on the left. Beyond our hallway I could see Edward's piano, and behind it a thick door that led to a large screened porch. I could not see Esme, so I turned in the other direction, passing the hallway that I'd just explored. I found myself in a dining area with a large window at one end that opened into a kitchen. Esme was in the kitchen running a cloth over the stainless steel countertops.

"Are we going to even use that room?" I asked her.

"Now that you've joined the family, we probably won't," she admitted with a smile. "But it's part of the moving in, checking everything out and putting it all in order. It wouldn't feel right to leave this room out just because we won't use it much.

"Have you found your way around?" she asked.

"I'm pretty sure. It's not as large as the last place, and it seems pretty symmetrical."

"Yes it's smaller but perfect for the climate. The people who planned it wanted small groups, so there are the 4 bedrooms that are complete units. And then the other two rooms worked out perfectly for Carlisle's office and Jasper's study," she was very pleased with how it all came together.

"And the other side that corresponds to this is where Edward's piano is and the porch?"

"Yes, there are shutters to put over the screens for the winter, but I think we may wait and see how much damage the snow and wind do before we put those up. The view is too wonderful to cover up unless we have to, and Emmett keeps saying something about putting a hot tub out there. Are you exploring or can I help you find something?"

"Both, but I do need some hangers, please," I said, and she quickly found some so I could get back to putting my own things away.

I came back to our room to find Edward reorganizing his CDs on the shelves. He'd placed my few books that I'd brought from Forks on the shelves too, leaving that area empty for me to fill. The couch was settled near the stereo system and fireplace, creating a small sitting area, and our bed was against one wall under the window. To the right were the doors to our closet and bathroom. I snagged one of the suitcases on my way by and dragged it behind me into the closet.

"Why in the world did they need to have walk in closets when this was supposed to be a tour outfit?" I wondered.

"Luxury tour outfit," Edward came to lean in the doorway. "So they have to supply a big closet even if it won't be used."

"Is that a rule or something?"

He laughed, "Possibly. I haven't checked recently."

I shrugged to myself as I began to hang up the clothing that Alice had snuck by me.

"You're going to have to get used to the finer things now that you're my wife," he warned me, his lips suddenly in my hair as his hands sneaked around my waist. "I can't possibly give you anything less," he paused and looked meaningfully at me, "so it would be really nice if you'd stop beating yourself over the head with this and just be happy." He smiled wickedly.

"Touché," I murmured against his lips.

xxxx

Months passed, and the ever present darkness of the Alaskan winter descended. Carlisle, tending to his patients in the area clinics, was the only one who left the house on a regular basis. Everyone else had decided to take a year off from playing roles in the outside world, I suspected it was mainly to keep an eye on me as well as keep me company. I barely noticed the darkness outside. Life had been so traumatic, so filled with different dangers for such a long time, that I nearly had trouble adjusting to the peace I found within the walls of our new home. I couldn't help this feeling that something was hanging over my head, something big and bad that was coming to destroy the tranquility I'd finally found.

"Really Bella," Emmett said as we walked through the forest in the dusky light. "This is how it was most of the time before you came along. Don't you remember me telling you all the time how you made everything interesting?"

"And now I'm just another boring vampire," I snorted as Edward rolled his eyes and Emmett howled with laughter.

"You got that right. Just another boring vampire with weird eating habits," he agreed, slapping me on the back hard enough to nearly knock me over.

"Which reminds me," I said glaring at him. "Arm wrestling when we get home."

We had decided to try to build my resistance to human blood slowly, starting with the wolves since I was already trying to avoid them. Since I'd want to feed on a human even less than I'd want a wolf, I hoped that if I could abstain from a wolf when I was thirsty that I'd be able to resist a human when I was well fed. I had gotten much better at telling the difference between the scents of the animals in the forest. At first they'd all smelled the same, warm and tasty, but now I at least had an idea of what I would find when I picked up a scent on the wind.

I was proud of myself, now able to go a little over four days before I was overwhelmed with the desire to hunt. I was hoping to stretch it out for a week by the end of my first year. Of course, trying to go around humans again would make me need to hunt more often, but as Carlisle often reminded me, a step at a time and I'd eventually get there.

We were walking along casually through the trees, not hunting in particular but not trying to avoid animals either, when disaster nearly struck. I caught a scent on the wind that was unlike anything I'd smelled before, and I instinctively turned towards it. I barely heard Emmett swearing behind me, yelling Edward's name as I ran. I had to see it, to find out what it was. The red tunnel was descending over my vision in a way that it hadn't since those first couple of times I'd hunted in Forks. I hurtled along in a cloud of need and desire, closing in on the source of something I'd never experienced before. I was aware of Edward screaming my name behind me, but it didn't matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was what was up ahead.

I had no warning when something hit me with a crash from the side and I found myself abruptly on the ground. I began to struggle against my unseen attacker, growling and snarling as I never had before. I was filled with the longing to find out what caused that incredible scent, to feel it and taste it. I screamed in anguish, striking out at what was holding me and keeping me from the thing that I wanted so badly.

I felt calm tiredness go through me and struggled against it, but it was stronger than I was. The red faded from my view and as I came back to myself I realized that I as being held down by Jasper across my back and arms, and Edward on my legs. Emmett was crouched nearby ready to spring if I managed to escape. I looked at them in confusion, wondering why my husband and brothers had turned on me. Jasper's voice was urgent, his lips near my ear, "Human Bella, it was a human. You have to stay here." He had been repeating it over and over, trying to calm me, but I had only just begun to hear it.

Horror washed through me as I realized what had nearly happened.

Edward was fuming, "What was he doing out here this time of year? Didn't Alice see that?"

"He only left an hour ago, and I came looking for you as soon as she saw it," Jasper replied. "I don't know what he's doing out here, but there's a truck parked nearby so that's how he got over this way."

I heard a high pitched keening noise, and didn't realize that it was coming from me until they released me from their hold and Edward pulled me into his arms. "Bella, Bella," he crooned into my hair, trying to sooth me. "Nothing happened. He never saw us. Everyone is safe."

I clung to him in terror, filled with revulsion at myself and what I had nearly done to an innocent life.

"Please Bella, you're ok. No one was hurt," he reassured me. I could only shake my head mutely. I couldn't deny what would have happened if they hadn't been with me, if Alice hadn't been keeping watch, if Jasper didn't know exactly how to take down a newborn.

Emmett's face was grim as he stared down at me. "She's not coming out of it."

"Shhh," Edward trapped my head between his head and his shoulder.

"Bella," Jasper's voice was low and urgent. "Bella, you had no defenses against this. You've had no direct exposure before this, and had no way to combat it. You didn't even know what it was at first."

I clung to him with my eyes from the safety of Edward's arms.

"Bella, it happens," he continued. "Now you know more about what you're up against." He smiled gravely, "They smell a little bit better than wolves, don't they?"

I hiccupped, "Yes. They do."

"Now you know."

I leaned back from Edward so I could look at all three of them. "If you hadn't been here…" I whispered, unable to continue.

"But we were here," Edward reassured me.

"Like we'd let you out alone," Emmett added with a small smile.

"Bella, stop blaming yourself," Jasper reached out and touched my hair. "I _knew_ you and still tried to get you once. You were practically family and I still had a hard time controlling myself. This was unexpected, when you've not been around humans for _months_. Of course you tried to get to it. It's instinct. So now you learn from it. Take it as a lesson and let go of the rest," his voice was gentle as he ended, pleading with me to understand what he was trying to teach me.

"Thank you, Jasper," my voice quavered, but was getting stronger again. "Can we find something safe to eat and then go home? I just want to go home."

"We can," Edward murmured, searching my eyes.

"And then we need to talk," I said. "I need to start being exposed to humans gradually, under known conditions. Keeping me safe up here is all well and good, but I don't want to be here forever and I need to start learning."

Edward's eyes were tight with worry, but he nodded briefly. "Let's get you fed and home."

xxxx

Alice was waiting for us on the porch when we returned home. She ran to me, sweeping me up in a hug. "I'm so sorry, Bella! I didn't see!" she wailed.

"It's ok Alice. Jasper got there in time. Nothing bad happened, and I learned that I need to start getting more experience with human smells," I did my best to be calm and collected, even though what I mostly felt was numbness. "Please don't blame yourself. We're all fine." I must have sounded close enough to fine for her to let me go. I saw Edward nod at her out of the corner of my eye as he pulled me close again.

"Let's go get cleaned up," he murmured, pulling me up the stairs and into the house. I followed willingly, anything to get away from everyone, to feel safe again. My confidence had been badly shaken.

I stared at my face in mirror in our bathroom, trying to find something different that hadn't been there this morning. I finally understood what Edward had meant so long ago when he called himself a monster. I couldn't find any gleam in my eye, but I feared it was hiding in there all the same. I had come so close…

"Bella," Edward's voice was soft as he interrupted my reverie holding out his hand to lead me into the shower. I stood under the pounding water with him, wishing it could wash away the memory of the morning's encounter. Edward held me close, stroking my hair and speaking quietly, but I couldn't focus on what he was saying.

"It's ok love," he whispered. I looked up to see his face, and the naked concern and love there was so much that I felt like I was falling. I buried my face in his chest as sobs ripped through my body. He only held me closer, caressing my back as I shuddered with my grief. I don't know how much time passed before I felt him lifting me as he shut off the water, and he carried me out to the couch. There was a fire in our small fireplace, and the waves of warmth washed over me, bringing a small measure of peace as I sat cradled in his arms.

"Bella, please talk to me. Please. I can't hear what you're thinking," his voice rumbled through his chest against my ear.

"I couldn't control myself," I mumbled against him. "I thought I was doing so well with the wolves, but that was just a joke compared…" I shuddered. "I don't know if I'm doing so well anymore. Before today I hadn't even considered it, but what if I can't do it? What if I get away from you and hurt a person?"

I lifted my head from his chest so I could look at him again. I reached out and took his face in my hands, "Edward, how did you do it? It was so powerful, I didn't even think about resisting it. And that was just anyone. How did you not kill me?" My eyes were wide as I questioned him.

"My Bella," his thumb was stroking along my cheekbone. "It was everything I could do to keep from killing you that first day, and I had decades of practice." His breath whooshed across my neck as he sighed. "I will be eternally grateful that I managed to resist." His nose traced along my jaw line.

"I thought I almost understood before, but now I realize that I wasn't even close," I whispered. "And you kept coming near me, kissing me and holding me… and all the time…" I couldn't even begin to imagine the torment he had gone through.

"It would have destroyed me if I'd hurt you. I love you, and to take you like that… it would have taken all my reason for being." His lips sought mine, "I would have lost this." He kissed my closed eyes, "and this," he lingered over my cheekbone, "and this," his lips found the hollow behind my ear, "and this," he whispered.

"But…" I didn't even know what I was trying to say to him as I pulled back to look mutely into his eyes. "I feel like a monster," I dropped my head to his chest again.

He sighed as he pulled me closer. "I would give anything to restore your innocence, Bella. But this moment was inevitable if you are going to live among humans," his voice was low as he spoke into my hair. "You refused to see me as a monster before, and I cannot see you that way. You are much too caring to be considered such a thing." He cupped my chin and lifted my face again so he could look in my eyes. "A monster would not be upset over this," he kissed me gently.

"You have been trying to convince me that I'm not a monster since the beginning," he said trailing kisses along my jaw to my ear. "I never believed you until this moment. Now, seeing you here, and feeling all of this with you," his lips were brushing my earlobe as he whispered, "I've learned from you today. It's intent that makes the monster, not anything else."

I caught his face in my hands and brought his lips back to crush against mine, trying to pour all of myself into him. His hands ran smoothly down my back and he gripped my hips to slowly turn me on his lap. "This cannot be a monster," he breathed into my neck. "This is much too pure, too beautiful," he murmured as he trailed his fingers up my sides to my breasts. My breath hitched in my throat as I struggled to believe him.

"I want to believe," I mumbled, more to myself than to him, tracing his chest. I tried to remember my arguments to him, but it was easy to see that he was good when I considered everything about him. It was harder to be so forgiving with myself.

He shifted so that I was lying on the couch with his body pressing down upon mine. "Bella," his eyes were blazing, "Am I a monster?"

"Never," I growled softly.

"Then neither are you," his voice was nearly as scorching as his eyes as he kissed me deeply, stealing the rest of my fears away. My head fell back as his lips released mine and he pressed forward to enter me. I clung to him, my fingers digging into his back as I brought my hips to meet his, seeking and finding comfort in the ancient act of joining together.

I struggled to keep my thoughts, twisting my head back and forth even as I was losing myself in him. "I'm afraid of falling," I gasped into his mouth.

His arms drew me closer as he pulled me upright, pressing my chest to his as we moved together. "I will catch you," his breath was hot on my breast. His lips moved up to my neck, "I will catch you," he murmured. "I will catch you," his kiss was a promise that surged through my core as I climaxed, sweeping all of my fears away.


	16. Chapter 16: A subtle gift

_Once again, thank you all for the many lovely reviews and private messages. You keep me going when I wonder if anyone out there even cares what I get up to inside my little head._

_I assure you, I'm not taunting. I don't have a stash of chapters waiting for a certain time limit or number of reivews before I post them. I write a chapter, edit it quickly, and post it immediately before I can muck it up too much. Then I wait for the next bit to come tell me what it wants to be. Sometimes I find out in hours, and other times it takes a few days. I had a rough outline at the beginning of this, but the characters left that one behind a long time ago. They're running the show now, and I'm following blindly along watching what they do and writing it down to share with you. Am I crazy? Probably, but who isn't these days?_

_Your mood music: Cocteau Twins - "Cherry-Coloured Funk" It's a dreamy song. I like it._

_This chapter is for the 104 people who have added my story to their favorite stories list. I nearly fell over when I saw that on my stats page. What an honor. Thank you._

* * *

"Bella, please be reasonable," Edward ran a hand through his already tousled hair as he paced back in forth in front of the couch. "You've only been a vampire for a little over six months. It's too early." 

"_You_ be reasonable," I responded. "It's beautiful here, and I love it, but what happened," I shook my head in frustration. "I can't just sit around here hoping that no one crosses my path."

He stopped his pacing and knelt down in front of me, taking my hands in his, "That's why we're here. You've shown remarkable progress, far better than I'd ever imagined. But to expose yourself to that kind of temptation," his jaw clenched as he swallowed heavily, "Bella, you don't have to put yourself through that."

I yanked my hands out of his and folded my arms across my chest. "What do you propose then? Have all three of you follow me and tackle me every time I try and run off?" I said icily.

"It's worked so far," he muttered.

"But it almost _didn't_."

"But it did," he gently prised my hands free. "Bella, please understand. We all felt this frustrated when we were at the same point." He brought my hands to his lips and kissed them gently. "Let me watch over you."

I stared into his golden eyes as he kissed my fingertips. "Edward, you can't protect me all of the time," I sighed. "You can't protect me from myself."

"I can try."

"I still want to talk to Carlisle about it," my resolve was melting under his gaze.

"I'm sure that can be arranged." He stood and pulled me to my feet.

I looked over at him as we walked down the hallway. His face was relaxed, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "You only want to talk to Carlisle because you think he'll agree with you," I accused him.

"I do have a good idea of what he might think," Edward said smoothly. "However if you will listen to him when you won't listen to me," he stopped and turned to me, cocking one eyebrow and shooting me my favorite crooked smile. I was not going to let him charm me out of this one. I yanked my hand from his and stalked down the hallway, trying to ignore his chuckle behind me.

Alice's head popped out of her door. "Why the temper?" she asked as I stormed past.

"Edward is being infuriating," I said at the same time that he said, "Bella's throwing a tantrum." I shot him a glare over my shoulder, which only made him smile wider. He was so confident that Carlisle would agree with him, but I needed to ask him about it all the same.

Carlisle and Esme were seated together on a loveseat in front of a fire in the main room, her head was on his shoulder as he absently played with her hair and stared into the fire. I hesitated, suddenly unsure of interrupting them, but as I was about to turn back Esme looked around and smiled in welcome. "Good evening Bella," her beautiful voice beckoned.

"Are you sure I'm not interrupting?" It seemed foolish to bother them now when Edward was sure of what Carlisle would say anyway.

"Of course not dear," she smiled. "What can we do for you?"

I crossed the room to stand in front of the fireplace. When I turned around I saw that Edward, Alice, and Jasper had followed me into the room and had also taken seats around the fire. Edward looked as smug as ever, but Alice was excited for some reason.

"Well," I started. "After what happened yesterday I just thought that maybe it was time for me to start getting some sort of exposure to humans." It all came out in a rush, but I had no doubt that everyone understood what I'd said.

Carlisle looked thoughtful. "Why is that Bella?" he asked.

I looked at the floor, following the patterns in the wood with my eyes as I muttered, "I almost got him." Edward appeared behind me to gently squeeze my shoulders. I chanced another look at him and his satisfied smile had been replaced by a look of concern. I leaned my head back onto his chest, grateful for the support.

"I understand your distress," Carlisle's eyes were far away as he steepled his fingers under his chin. "However, I'm unsure of a way to bring you around humans without exposing everyone to unnecessary risk. You are still very young, and while you've shown a remarkable level of control thus far, it seems unwise to take such a large step at this time."

I looked at the floor, defeated. Edward had been right all along.

"I believe a main part of the problem is that she was not aware that smelling a human was even a possibility," Esme's voice floated over me. "I wonder if she would have had a different response otherwise."

"That's just it," I was relieved. Esme understood what I was trying to say. "I don't want to put anyone in danger, but I didn't even have a chance to think yesterday. I don't know… I just wonder if maybe I'd had some sort of warning," I stopped as Alice grimaced and Edward's arms tightened around me.

"That is something to consider. And perhaps you have a bit of cabin fever as well?" Carlisle smiled. "I know it can get tedious being trapped in one location."

"Especially with Edward," Alice laughed, winking at me. She was bouncing lightly in her seat, excited again. I felt him laughing behind me and looked up at him, mystified.

"I have been thinking of taking a short vacation. Maybe now would be the perfect time," Carlisle said, smiling at Esme now.

I looked at Jasper, "Do you know what's going on?" I asked him. "Because it seems like everyone else does."

He grinned widely at me. "No idea," he said.

"Spill it," I said to Alice as she started clapping her hands.

"Tanya will be very happy to have us," she hopped up from the couch. "We only have a couple of days to pack."

"Tanya?" I turned to face Edward. "What is she talking about?"

He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "How would you like to go meet our friends in Denali?" he asked.

xxxx

I sighed and stretched, turning over in the circle of Edward's arms. "Are you sure that I'll be welcome?"

"Whatever do you mean? Of course you'll be welcome," his eyes were untroubled as he gazed at me. "We've been to visit Tanya's family a number of times over the years. They're always very hospitable, and Denali is breathtaking. You'll enjoy it," his lips moved along my collarbone and up my neck, searching for my own. I reached up to wrap my fingers in his hair as he rolled, pulling me on top of him.

"But what about Tanya? Don't forget that I know about that. I remember Rosalie telling me about all those females," I bit my lip as I considered my unknown rivals. "And the one, Irina, was interested in Laurent, and the pack got him, and I was friends with them," I couldn't help worrying.

"You fret too much," his tongue teased my earlobe. "I have no interest in any of the females there, and as for Laurent," he pulled away and I paused in undoing the buttons of his shirt. "I can't fault the werewolves in their actions concerning him."

A sudden knock on the door startled both of us, and I pulled back as Edward growled low in his throat. I hadn't heard any footsteps, but that wasn't unusual with the thick carpeting in the hallway. But Edward should have heard someone's thoughts as they approached. His brow was furrowed, his face confused as he looked at the door before he called out, "Alice?"

"I just wanted to ask Bella to come to my room later," her voice came through the door. "Sorry!"

I looked at Edward, questioning, "Why does that keep happening?"

"I don't know," his eyes were troubled as he looked at the door again. "Maybe because I'm focused completely on you?" he seemed to be asking for the answer.

"No, seriously Edward," I pushed myself off of him, tucking my knees to my chest as I studied his face. "How many times would you guess that we've been interrupted just in the past couple of weeks? And it never happens when we're just talking. You always hear someone's thoughts when they're coming this way. It only happens…"

"When we're being intimate," he interrupted, rubbing his hand across his forehead. He rose from the bed and began pacing back and forth. "You're right. There must be some connection."

I rested my chin on my knees, watching him walking back and forth, his shirt flying out behind him with the speed of his movement. "Bella," he paused and turned toward me. "What are you thinking?"

"When we're enjoying each other's company?" I asked.

His lips twitched, "Yes, then. Are you thinking of anything during those times?"

"Well not consciously," I laughed. "Isn't that kind of the point? Being in the moment?"

"Yes, I imagine that's true," he resumed pacing. "What about unconscious desires?"

"If they're not conscious, how do I know that I have them?" I asked, biting my lip again.

"Maybe we should ask the others for their help with this," he muttered.

"Edward!" I was mortified. "Don't you think that this is a little bit private?"

He stopped pacing abruptly, his eyes wide. "Privacy," he spoke slowly as if feeling the shape of the word with his tongue.

"What?" I lifted my head from my knees.

He turned toward me again, walking slowly over to me as if he were in a dream. "My sanctuary from the world," he murmured.

"You've lost me completely. Do you know that?" I crooked my eyebrow at him.

His eyes lit up. "Could it be?" he was talking to himself now. Was I even in the room? I sighed as he continued, "Quite possibly. There's one way to check."

"Whenever you're ready to let me know," I said acidly.

His face was glowing now. "Bella, this could be wonderful."

"Edward, _what_ could be wonderful?" I went from irritated to breathless in the space of a second. It was impossible to be mad at him when he looked like that.

"What is it you called it? Your freaky brain," he was practically laughing now. "It may be your ability." He drew me to his chest.

"Hold on Edward," I pushed him away so I could look at his face. "I did not follow you there. What do you mean my freaky brain? What ability?"

"The privacy of your mind," he seized my hands, excited now, and dragged me off the bed. "We have to see," he said as he tugged me across the room. "Alice?!" he roared as we moved down the hall.

Alice burst out of her doorway as we passed, "Sorry Bella," she muttered sheepishly.

"It's ok Alice," I assured her. "Edward is having some sort of epiphany."

"What about?"

"I have no idea yet. He hasn't been coherent enough to let me know. He keeps rambling about my freaky brain, privacy, and abilities," I explained.

A smile flashed across her face. "Oh this could mean so much!" she was excited now.

We were in the main room now, and I stopped walking, planting my feet on the floor. "Will someone please tell me why we're so excited?" I had a vague idea of what they were talking about, but wanted to hear someone say it out loud.

"What's going on?" Emmett entered the room from the other hallway, Rosalie in tow.

I rolled my eyes, "That's what I'm trying to find out!"

"Bella," Edward's eyes were bright as he beamed down at me. "I think we've found your ability – your enhanced trait. I believe you have the capacity to share the privacy of your mind."

My mouth fell open and I looked at him blankly. "I what?"

"You share the privacy of your mind," he repeated himself. "It didn't occur to me before, simply because I _am_ so completely focused on you," he paused and smiled. "And when I am, the constant buzz of everyone's thoughts; they simply aren't there."

"At all?" Alice was incredulous.

"At all," Edward glowed. "We need to investigate this further; test this hypothesis; see if I'm correct."

"But Edward," I said. "If this is something that I'm not doing consciously, how do I make it happen on purpose? I don't even know what I'm doing!" I said as Carlisle and Esme entered the room.

Edward turned toward everyone else in the room. "Jasper, Alice, when you first became aware of your abilities, was it a conscious thing or was it something that just kept happening?"

"It just happened," they answered in unison.

"Exactly," he agreed. "I experienced the same situation. Of course, I can't really completely control things now," Alice and Jasper were nodding in agreement. "But I do have the ability to try to block thoughts, and focus on a certain person when necessary."

"Yes, that sounds right," Jasper agreed.

"OK, so how do I make it work when I want it to, if it even works?" I asked them.

"Come," he pulled me to sit on a loveseat with him. "All of you," he turned to our family gathered around us. "I want you to think at me. Bombard me. Use my name, because it's nearly impossible to block thoughts when you use my name.

"And you," he said turning to face me. "Try to keep me to yourself," a secret smile played across his lips. I looked around at our family, watching as they bored holes into Edward with their minds. He caught my chin in his hand, bringing me back to him so he could lean his forehead against mine. "Focus," he breathed. My head swam as I stared into the molten pools of his eyes.

I stared into his eyes, concentrating on trying to feel something, anything, that would do what he was asking me to do.

"You're trying too hard," he whispered, his sweet breath wafting across my face. I felt my eyes start to close involuntarily. "Relax." His hands came up to cup my face and the muscles holding my head up suddenly turned to mush. _How can he still do this to me?_ I wondered dimly as I leaned into him.

If I hadn't been told about it, I probably wouldn't have noticed. There was a sensation somewhere in the middle of my brain. Like a _flex_ of some sort. My eyes flew open in shock, and I saw Edward looking triumphant as he turned to his family.

"Did it work?" Alice whispered.

"Yes," he sighed. "It worked!" he pulled me into his arms as he leapt from the loveseat, spinning me in a circle while his laugh rang out. He set me on my feet, kissing me gently.

I snapped back to reality when Emmett cleared his throat, "So does it work on anyone or just on Edward?"

"Edward is the only one here who wasn't able to affect me," I answered.

"Yes, but what I mean is, can you keep him out of other people's heads, or is it just that you can keep everyone out of _his_ head?"

"That's a good question," Carlisle murmured.

I looked around at my family. "I don't know." They were all watching me carefully, and I felt mildly uncomfortable being at the center of attention.

"Can I try?" Emmett was persistent.

I looked up at Edward again. He was still beaming at me, perfectly happy with the results of his experiment. "OK," I said, letting go of Edward's hands and turning to Emmett.

"I don't have to kiss you do I?" he was teasing as he grinned at me. I snorted when Rosalie smacked his arm.

I rolled my eyes. "Not quite, but I think it helps if I'm touching you." I took his hands and closed my eyes, trying to relax but at the same time trying to hold something of Emmett in my mind. _Emmett is mine_, I thought as I took a deep breath. A few minutes passed, but then I felt it again, that tiny flex deep inside my head, and I began to smile.

I looked over at Edward again to check, and he was nodding, positively radiant. "All right!" Emmett whooped, crushing me in a bear hug. "Excellent!"

We kept at it for hours, each member of the family taking turns while the rest of them stood around us in a circle like we were performing a strange rite of some kind. I finally had to call a halt to the whole thing. I wasn't tired exactly, and it was getting easier to find that point in my mind, but I did need a break.

I collapsed into one of the chairs near the fire that Jasper had started, pondering my newfound ability. "Will this work on anyone but Edward?" I asked Carlisle.

"Yet another reason to go to Denali now," he mused. "Kate and Eleazar are also blessed with special abilities, so we will be able to check with them."

I returned to staring into the fire, lost in my thoughts. What could this mean? And how could it benefit me or my family? They all certainly seemed happy about it, but that could just be the joy of discovery. It certainly didn't seem as impressive as the abilities shown by some of the group in Volterra. I winced inwardly at the thought of Jane and her malignant power. If I could shield Edward from her, it would be a gift indeed.

I gradually came back to myself to realize that everyone had left the room but Edward. He was sitting opposite me, holding his chin with his thumb on his lips as he watched me by the light of the fire. The light played across one side of his face, catching glints in his bronze hair. My breath caught in my throat as he stood and sauntered slowly to me, taking my hand and pulling me up to kiss me deeply. He didn't say a word, but led me quietly back down the hallway to our room, and our privacy.

* * *

Author's note:

I have received a number of requests from people asking me to explain Bella's ability farther, so I'm editing this in long after the original chapter was posted.

Bella's special ability --

In the books, Alice could see Bella's future and Jasper could affect her emotions, but anything relying on mental capabilites didn't work.  
Edward couldn't read her mind  
Aro couldn't sift through her past  
Jane couldn't cause her pain.

Her ability takes this one step farther, and allows her to act as a shield for powers that work in a mental capacity.  
For instance, she can shield Edward from his own power, essentially blocking him from the rest of the world.  
or  
She can shield someone else from Edward's power, blocking him out of their mind.

Her power is further explored later in the story.

I hope this clears things up a bit.

Alice laughed


	17. Chapter 17: Denali Bound

_This chapter took forever to get out. Edward did not want to tell me this story. And I don't know the people in Denali at all. Introductions were slow, and I'm sure Hubs got tired of me jumping out at him and demanding to know what Eleazar's gift was. But they finally cracked and told me, so I could get this part of the story down. _

_Why yes, I am crazy. Nice to meet you._

_Another reason this one was particularly bothersome: I couldn't settle on a song. I need to rip some more CDs to my iPod. So I have no mood music for you this time. _

* * *

_Chapter 17_

"How are you feeling?" Rosalie asked as she futilely tried to brush her windblown hair out of her face.

"Bloated," I replied, trying not to grimace. Jasper, Edward, and Alice had taken me hunting earlier. Even when I thought I was done, Edward dragged me around shooing me towards other animals. "I didn't know it was even possible to consume that much at once." I backed up and scooted myself to sit on the railing of the porch. It was nearly midnight, and we were waiting for everyone else to come out so we could begin our trip to Denali.

She laughed as she leaned against the rail, "Well you know how Edward is – precautious precautious."

"Yes," I said, wishing I could burp. "Rosalie? Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Well," I paused, unsure of how to continue. "You told me your story before, and I know that you… umm… Well with the men who hurt you…"

"Took a bit of revenge?" she asked smiling sweetly.

"Yes," I supposed that was one way to put it. "But you never took a human life out of thirst."

"That's right," she agreed.

"How did you manage? How did you do that?" Despite Edward's reassurances I couldn't shake the fear that I would get away from my protectors; that I would slip through, and take a human life.

She chewed her lip thoughtfully for a moment before answering, "A lot like you're doing, Bella. Carlisle, Esme, and Edward took me off away from civilization. Of course it was much easier to do that then than it is nowadays. We didn't come so far as Alaska then. But otherwise, it was the same. We stayed away from humans for that first year, until I could hunt without just losing control."

"But don't you always lose control during the hunt? I thought it was all instinctual."

"Oh it is," she nodded. "But there comes a point when you consciously let your control go, with a specific target in mind, instead of it just taking over."

"That makes sense," I looked at her, but she was gazing out over the view, seeming to be lost in thought.

"You see Bella, right now we're watching over you very carefully when you hunt, even if you feel like you're on your own a little bit," she turned to look at me again.

"It used to feel like you were herding me, but not so much anymore," I said.

"That's one way to think of it," she smiled. "Now we are letting you step out some, but not so much that we can't move in and direct you if you need us to. You're doing very well with not needing to hunt as often, but you are still very much a newborn when it comes to the actual hunt," her voice was gentle.

"That's why I took off and ran," I murmured.

"Which was a perfectly normal response, Bella," she reached over and took my hand. "You need to give yourself time."

"Always time," I muttered.

"You have plenty of it," she teased. "And once your first year is up your instincts won't be quite so powerful. You'll have more room for reason." She let go to push her hair out of her face again. "They'd better come out soon or we're going to blow away," she looked towards the door.

"I wonder what's keeping them," I said, hopping down from the railing and moving to go inside. I pushed through the door to find Edward and Alice facing each other across the room.

"It's not necessary," Edward hissed.

"It's a valuable lesson, and she should have the opportunity to decide for herself," she bit back at him.

"What are you fighting about?" I looked back and forth between them.

Edward immediately composed his face, saying "Nothing, love. Alice just had a strange idea." His eyes were still tight, and I could tell that Alice was continuing the argument in her head where I couldn't hear it.

"I want to stop to get gas while you're in the car," Alice said quickly as Edward growled.

My eyes widened in horror at the idea. "But… but what if…" I couldn't continue the idea. Ten minutes before I would have been all for the idea, but talking with Rosalie made me see the wisdom of waiting. I had been so focused on being able to go longer between having to hunt, that I had neglected to see how I behaved on an actual hunt.

"Nothing will happen," Alice said. "You'll want to go, but Jasper will restrain you, and you will be fine."

"Listen Alice, I know you're trying to help, especially after my conversation with Carlisle the other night. But I've been talking with Rosalie," I looked over my shoulder to smile at her, "and I don't think I'm ready yet. Even if nothing will happen, things change, and I'm not sure about taking the risk."

"Oh," the anger suddenly evaporated from her face. "In that case, I take it all back," she smiled at Edward.

"Apology accepted," he said stiffly.

I turned to Edward, "I'll talk with you in the car," I threatened. He didn't look nearly fearful enough.

xxxx

We were in two vehicles for the trip to Denali. Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett were in one; and the rest of us were in the other. Of course, Edward was driving, and I felt my spirits lift as we made our way down the hill and to the highway leading west. I forgot my anger at Edward temporarily as I delighted in my first trip away from the house since we'd moved in.

I turned as I heard Alice giggle behind me. They were all looking at me with laughter in their eyes. "What?" I asked innocently.

"Bella, you're bouncing in your seat like an overeager puppy," Alice grinned at me.

I tried to pout at her, but I was much too excited. "Well you've all been taking trips to Fairbanks when you get bored. I've been here all this time without getting out." I turned back to the window so I could watch the moonlit scenery as it went by. I hadn't realized how cooped up I'd been feeling until I was actually on my way to somewhere new. I sat quietly for a while, enjoying the speed at which we were moving and the feeling of adventure in going somewhere new.

"So," I said turning back to Edward. "Tell me about Denali."

He grinned at me. "It's one of the most beautiful places you'll see. It's very mountainous, with lakes and wildlife everywhere. In fact, we won't be able to drive all the way to the house. They have a structure hidden where we'll park the cars, and we'll have to go the rest of the way on foot."

"What's the house like?" I decided to focus on that first. I'd worry about the occupants of the house later.

"It's hidden among the trees high up the side of a mountain, and faces south. The south wall is mostly glass, like our place back in Forks, and is two stories high, but the ceiling is that high on that side of the house. It's a large open area so all of the light and heat from the sun falls over the room. It's nearly like being outside."

I leaned back in my seat, closing my eyes so I could picture what he was describing in my mind. "That sounds nice, if impractical to heat."

"Well, they're not exactly concerned too much with that. They don't need to keep it very warm to feel comfortable," I could hear the smile in his voice. "They also didn't waste space on nonessential rooms like a kitchen. It's mainly the large living area, with bedrooms up and downstairs on the north end of the house. It's actually quite simple."

"I'm sure," I said dryly. I knew what his idea of simple was, and it was likely the place was very elegant, with all the best of everything. "How long will it take to get there?"

"Road conditions are good, so a little less than 2 more hours," he replied.

Two hours wouldn't give me much time to pump for information then. I needed to get started. "What about our friends there?" I asked.

"Tanya, Irina, and Kate have been around for centuries," Alice said from the back seat. "Tanya has reddish hair, and Irina and Kate are blonde. Did Edward tell you that they're where the myth of the succubus came from?" she giggled.

"No," I narrowed my eyes at him, but he was studiously looking out the windshield. "He forgot to mention that to me." Tanya was a succubus. I hadn't been expecting that.

"There are also Carmen and Eleazar," he said as if I weren't looking daggers at him. "They are about the same age as Carlisle, and I believe they came originally from Spain. They are both dark – well, as dark as it's possible to be as a vampire."

"I see," I said evenly. He wasn't going to get off the hook that easily. I heard Jasper snicker from the back, probably in response the emotions coming at him from the front of the car. I turned to look at him and he winked at me, his eyes laughing.

I decided to try a different approach. "And two of the people are gifted with extra abilities?" I queried.

"Yes," Edward's face was impassive. "Kate and Eleazar."

"What can they do?"

"Eleazar's gift sounds innocent, but is actually quite profound. He has a way with suggestion."

"What do you mean by that?" I wondered.

"He can change the way you see things, give you ideas and make you think they were yours: he has a way of planting ideas or sights in your head."

"Such as?" I needed some sort of example.

"Well, one way it's handy is if a ranger comes across the house. It's rare, because it's very remote, but it has happened. All Eleazar has to do is suggest to the ranger that there really is no house there, and that he simply imagined how nice it would be to have a place there. The ranger goes off believing that's what happened."

My eyes widened, "That would be handy."

"He's careful to not use it on us though. Like I do my best to try to block everyone's thoughts. It would be unfair of him to use his ability to get his way all the time."

"But would you even notice if he was doing that?"

"Perhaps. Perhaps not, but it's all part of trust," he smiled at me.

_Yes, speaking of trust_, I thought. "And Kate? What's her power?"

Edward looked distinctly uncomfortable again. "She was a succubus," he said quietly. I didn't reply, but waited for him to elaborate. I knew if he didn't tell me then Alice or Jasper would. He seemed to come to that same realization because he sighed and said, "She has certain abilities concerning seduction."

"Seduction," I said slowly. "How does that work, exactly?"

I was surprised to hear Jasper's voice answering, "It works a lot like alcohol seems to work on college students these days. Lowering inhibitions, making you feel invincible, that kind of thing."

I turned back to look at him, "Has she tried it on you?" I asked. I couldn't imagine that she would have, or that it would have had any success if she had. Jasper was deeply devoted to Alice.

He looked at Alice softly, "No, she never tried it on me," he smiled as he caressed her hand, but his eyes flickered quickly to the back of Edward's head.

I moved in my seat so that I was completely facing Edward, my back to the car door. His eyes were tight, and he seemed to be gripping the steering wheel more firmly than necessary as he avoided looking at me. I didn't say a word, determined to wait him out. It was too bad he couldn't sweat.

"It's my turn to drive," Alice said. Edward growled low in his throat but she simply replied, "You've been avoiding this. It's time to talk about it."

My stomach fell as he pulled to the side of the road. He had seemed evasive before, but I hadn't _really_ believed that he was hiding something from me. Maybe I didn't want to hear about this part of his past. It was too late though, he had already stopped the car and everyone was getting out.

I climbed into the back seat reluctantly, already regretting pursuing this line of conversation. Edward was studiously looking at his hands, avoiding my gaze again, so I reached over and took his hand in mine. "Is it really that bad?" I worried.

He looked at me for a fraction of a second, "I never thought so, but that was before I experienced jealousy first hand, and now I'm not so sure."

"Just tell me Edward. Whatever it is can't be nearly as bad as the scenarios I'll imagine if you tell me nothing."

He sighed again and looked at Alice and Jasper, who were talking quietly, doing their best to give us what privacy we could have in an enclosed vehicle where everyone had extra sensitive hearing. "Rosalie told you that Tanya had taken an interest in me before," he began. I nodded and waited for him to continue. I was afraid that if I spoke he would stop talking. "And I told you that I had no interest in her. The sisters thought that perhaps I was just shy, and needed an extra bit of persuasion. So Kate attempted to help Tanya secure my affections for a time."

_Ok_, I thought. _Maybe it would be worse than something I could imagine._

"Nothing happened," he looked directly at me now, pleading with me to understand and believe him. "I want to assure you of that up front.

"I had been out hunting, and came back to the house feeling remarkably satiated. I went into my room and lay on my bed, intending to listen to some music for a while. I started feeling incredibly light, nearly drowsy, and I remember wondering if perhaps the caribou I'd fed on had eaten some sort of strange plant that was causing the effects. I was excited at the prospect, because sleep was something I missed dreadfully, and imagined being able to tell Carlisle of my discovery.

"Everything had the quality of a dream, and I didn't think to react at first because I was so caught up in the idea that I'd found a way to simulate sleep. But then I noticed that Tanya was climbing into my bed with me, and I remembered Kate's special skill. I think my own ability allowed me to regain my senses before she was able to do much more than that." He hung his head, "But if not for that I probably would have a different end to this story."

"What did you do?" Now that he had told most of the story, I felt sorrier for his being in that situation than I felt jealousy.

He looked at me carefully, watching for signs of anger. "I don't know exactly how I got up and left the room. In my thoughts, I knew what was going on and was trying to resist, but..." He looked back down at our hands, "My body was responding to her even if my mind wasn't." He swallowed.

"Did she kiss you?" my voice was serious. He had told me that the first time he'd kissed me was the first time he'd kissed anyone.

"No," he looked at me again. "I left before that happened. I think if it had gotten that far…" He left the rest unsaid, dropping his head. He felt ashamed over something that hadn't been his fault. Typical Edward, trying to shoulder the blame.

I took his face in my hands and kissed him. "You silly man," I said leaning my forehead on his. "Why would I be angry that you resisted a succubus and saved yourself for me?"

His troubled eyes brightened as he gazed into my own, his crooked smile growing on his face.

"See, Edward?" Alice's voice tinkled from the front seat.

"Shut up, Alice," he growled, and then kissed me deeply.

xxxx

We were nearly to the place where we would leave the cars when I thought to ask, "Edward, what happened after that? Were you upset with Tanya? Was she upset with you?" _Would she be upset with me, because he wanted me instead of her?_

"No. Logically I could see her reasoning. I was a single male and she was a single female. I saw emotions a lot differently then," he smiled at me again. "That was before I really experienced them on my own behalf. She didn't seem to be bothered by it and nothing more was said on the matter."

"It was a bit strained for a while," Jasper said. "But things calmed down and went back to normal after a couple of days."

"But she asked Kate to use her powers on you," I couldn't help pointing that out. "Didn't that make you angry?"

"Not particularly," he said. "Everyone saw me as the repressed male for so long. It was just another of many ploys to try to bring me out of my shell." He reached up and smacked Jasper on the head. Jasper just grinned back at him and shrugged.

"And now?" I pressed. I had to know what I might be getting myself in to.

"And now, it's just visiting some old friends," Edward assured me. "We've been back to visit many times since then. They will adore you."

Alice was slowing the land rover, and I saw Carlisle pull off the road ahead of us onto what looked like a park service road. We left the highway with a bump, and drove along the winding road for at least five miles before turning off onto an overgrown trail that looked barely wide enough for the vehicles to pass through. We followed it for another few miles and then Alice and Carlisle parked in low metal structure that blended in with the surroundings.

I got out, savoring the crisp air after being in the car for so long. Edward seemed particularly light and cheerful as he pulled our backpacks from the rear of the car, his mood considerably better since his confession.

"How much farther is it?" I asked. We were already far from civilization as it was.

"Another 8 miles," he said. "Just a quick run." He smiled as he took my hand in his. Rosalie came to stand on my other side, with Emmett taking his place behind me. I grimaced, feeling like a guarded felon.

"To keep you safe, remember," Rosalie murmured as Carlisle pulled down the metal doors of the garage with a screech.

"I know," I muttered. "Thank you."

"Our way is clear," smiled Alice. "This time of year especially, there aren't any humans camping."

"They're waiting for us," Carlisle said. "Let's go."

We set off through the forest, Carlisle leading the way with Esme by his side. We climbed in elevation as we ran, and the trees began to thin as we neared our destination, finally coming to a stop about 100 yards from where the house peeked from the trees. I could see the reflection of the moon in the large window, and turned to see a mountain ringed valley with a frozen lake spread out before us. Edward was right, it was breathtaking.

I turned back towards the house in time to see three figures coming to us. I never thought I would see another woman who came close to Rosalie's beauty, but all three made even the magnificent scenery around them pale in comparison. Tanya was in the middle, her curling strawberry blonde hair streaming out behind her in the wind. She was flanked on either side by women whose hair was so blonde it was nearly white. I immediately felt gangly and ungraceful as they approached, and I could definitely see how these three could be the ones behind the idea of a succubus.

"Carlisle," Tanya's voice drifted over us like a symphony. "How good to see you again," she greeted him by taking his hands and kissing his cheeks. She hugged Esme closely, kissing her cheeks as well and laughing. The other two, Irina and Kate – I reminded myself, followed suit.

I hung back, feeling like an intruder in this gathering of old friends. I watched as they kissed Rosalie and tousled Emmett's hair, pinching his cheeks like he was a favorite nephew. Edward's arm was firmly around my waist and he whispered, "Don't be nervous," as he kissed my hair.

"Easy for you to say," I mumbled back.

Tanya, having greeted the others, turned to us. "And Edward," she said warmly holding out her hands. He stepped forward, dragging me with him to take her hands in his free hand. "Still as handsome as ever." I felt a flare of jealousy as she kissed his cheeks and smiled at him fondly.

"Tanya," he said and smiled down at me. "I would like you to meet my wife, Bella."

She turned to me and gave me an appraising look. "_È molto Bella_, it is a very apt name. So you are the one who finally managed to capture Edward's heart?"

"Hello Tanya, it's very nice to meet you," I tried to keep my voice steady as I answered her. Edward might say that she was only an old friend, but I was still wary.

She suddenly smiled, taking me by the shoulders and kissing my cheeks. "Welcome to our family," she said warmly.

I felt a relieved smile break over my own face, "Thank you."

She turned back to the group. "Let's get you all inside and settled. Carmen and Eleazar should return from hunting soon, and then we can have a visit. Though if any of you are in need of a hunt, I would advise you to do it soon. A storm is forecast to hit sometime in the next day or so." She led us into her home.


	18. Chapter 18:  Trial by fire

_Sorry to keep you waiting. Writer's block is not a pleasant experience and neither Edward nor Bella was doing much talking to me. I finally got through when I broke out the old pencil and composition notebook. You know, the black and white speckled ones that aren't much good for anything but scratching out ideas in? In any case, I hope you enjoy this, especially since it was so hard to wrest from the ether. Maybe because it's a turning point of sorts? _

_If you can, please leave a review. It might help me figure out where they're going with this. _

_Oh, and the fireplace really does exist. It's from a very very old house that I lived in when I was in France. I want to have one of my own some day. Sitting inside the fire when you're cold is very cozy. _

_Your mood music: Beck - "Lonesome Tears" _

* * *

_The actual chapter 18_

We settled in quickly. Tanya's house was exactly as I expected. Understated, yet elegant furnishings that didn't belong to any one era were scattered around the large living space, which was dominated on one side by the large wall of window and on the other side by a massive fireplace.

The fireplace looked ancient, and was large enough for three or four people to stand comfortably inside it. A long stone bench ran along one side of the interior so a few people could actually sit inside the firebox alongside the fire. Stairs curved around on either side of the it, ending on the second floor in a large loft. Four bedrooms were located behind the fireplaceon the first floor, with four more behind the chimney on the second.

We had moved into a bedroom on the second floor, with Alice and Jasper on one side of us and Rosalie and Emmett on the other. "Kids upstairs, grownups downstairs," Emmett joked as we unpacked our things.

We had barely finished unpacking when Tanya's voice rang out from below to let us know that Carmen and Eleazar had returned from their hunting trip. We made our way downstairs, and I already felt at home as the laughter from the group of "grownups" washed over me.

Carmen stepped forward to greet us first. "Carlisle you simply did not do her justice with your description," she scolded him with a smile. "Bella, it is lovely to meet you." She was petite, only a little taller than me, with dark curling hair that reached nearly to her waist. Her large eyes were ringed with impossibly long dark lashes, and her face was wide and yet delicate at the same time.

Eleazar stood just behind her, his face beaming in welcome. He looked like a rock star with his long, straight ebony hair held back at the nape of his neck in a low ponytail. He had a small gold hoop in one ear, and a spark in his eye spoke of mischief. He bowed slightly. "Enchanted," he said raising my hand to kiss it.

"So Bella," Kate said, "Carlisle was just telling us a little bit about your gift."

"Yes," said Eleazar. "I'm very interested to know if your gift works on us as well as it does with Edward."

And so it began again. All of the family gathered around as first Kate and then Eleazar tried their powers on me. I giggled at the idea of Kate trying to seduce me, and laughed harder when Rosalie and Edward both whacked Emmett over the head for his "girl on girl action" comments. She stared at me for a full five minutes before giving up. "Not even a little sleepy?" she pleaded.

"Sorry," I shrugged as Edward smirked.

Eleazar tried, and was also unsuccessful, shaking his head at the floor in frustration. "In all my years I have never…" he muttered.

Edward wrapped his arms around me. "It does make it better to know that I'm not the only one who can't find my way inside her head," he said.

xxxx

After that initial assessment, we relaxed into our "vacation" away from our home in Circle. The storm kept us in for the first couple of days. We didn't have a problem with the cold, but even vampires have problems trying to see through blowing snow in white out conditions.

We lazed in front of the fire, reading books and talking. Every once in a while they would test me against Edward, Kate, or Eleazar, always trying different combinations of who was attempting to use their gifts and the who I was attempting to shield. The flex in the middle of my brain was becoming quite easy to find, and I grew more confident with the practice.

Tanya was a very accommodating host, just as Edward said she would be, but I couldn't get rid of the twinges of jealousy that I felt every time she found a reason to touch or smile at Edward. Jasper assured me that her emotions were all straightforward and that I didn't need to worry. "Of course she gives off a general lusty vibe," he said, his lips curving into a smile. "But you can't fault her for that, Bella. Considering what she is, it's her nature."

Nevertheless, I still couldn't quell my resentfulness when she would tousle his hair or pat his shoulder – even when she performed the same such actions on every other male in the house. Though Edward gave me no reason to doubt him, it was hard to feel safe in our relationship when all three succubus sisters oozed sensuality with every word and motion.

"You are adorable when you're jealous, but I wish you wouldn't worry so," he said seriously one evening as I sat on his lap in front of the roaring fire.

I left my head on his shoulder as I answered him. "I've hung on to my human tendency to feel threatened by any woman who might take you from me."

"There isn't a woman in existence who could do that," he murmured, and I sighed in response. "You should know that by now."

"I need reminding now and again."

"Well then," he said standing me up and grasping my hands.

"It should start in about 45 minutes," Alice called down from her room.

"Thank you Alice," he said as he tugged me towards the front door, refusing to answer the questions I was asking with my eyes. "It's a surprise," he said. "I want to show you something, and now would be the perfect time."

By this time we were outside, the snow squeaking slightly under our feet. I paused again to admire the beauty of our surroundings, snapping out of it only when Edward pressed his lips to my neck. "Come," he said. "We want to be there before it begins." He pulled my hand again and we started to run.

"You won't tell me a thing about where we're going will you?"

"It's a place I came across on one of our many visits here. I think you will enjoy it."

"Is this an attempt to dazzle me?" I joked.

"Perhaps," he smiled. "But no more questions. You have a habit of trying to ruin my surprises for you," he rolled his eyes.

"OK then, show me."

We began to run through the tree line, the wind scuttling snow along the ground like small clouds at our feet. Edward took me on a wide circuit of the area, pointing out landmarks and things of interest along the way. I marveled at the ice crusted peak of Denali in the distance, and the thick sheet of ice that he said was a glacier. I lost track of where we were, but Edward knew the area well from all the time he'd spent exploring during his past visits.

Finally he slowed, pausing to look back at me and smile before he pushed through some low spruce trees. I stepped through after him, surprised to find a small oval pool of unfrozen water sending steam into the air. Edward kissed my hand, and knelt to untie our shoes. Standing again he pointed to the west. "There are larger hot springs in that direction. They are tourist attractions and are listed on the park survey map. This one, however, is very small, and I've never found any signs of humans near here. I believe it is undiscovered, or if it has been noted it's too small and difficult to get to for them to bother with putting it on a map." He pulled off his sweater and began to unbutton his shirt. "Which means that this one is ours," he grinned and tossed both shirt and sweater over a low branch. He quickly shucked off the rest of his clothing and stepped down into the water. "Come Bella, it's delightfully warm," he chuckled at me.

"Honestly Edward," I said as I began to remove my own clothing. "You take me on a tour of the area showing me incredible natural beauty, and bring me to this," I indicated the ring of evergreens around us with the snow capped peaks in the distance, "to someplace _warm_ in the middle of _winter_ in Alaska," he was grinning very widely at me now, "and then you _strip_ and expect me to believe that you're not trying to dazzle me?" I stepped into the water, reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck as he came forward to meet me. The water was very warm, and his body felt hot against mine.

"Oh I'm not quite finished dazzling you," he warned, and led me across the small pool. He sat and pulled me onto his lap, and I leaned back against his chest wondering what else he could possibly have up his sleeve. I gasped as the sky lit up in shimmering green. "Aurora," he murmured into my hair, his hands playing across my body. "It does help that Alice could see when this display would occur, so I could bring you here at the best possible time."

I'd seen the northern lights from our house near Circle many times over the past few months, but we had never ventured down to any of the hot springs to view them. There was too much of a chance a human would be in the area, and Edward had been unable to find any smaller pools. Here, feeling the heat of the water on my skin and the heat that Edwards's fingers caused inside my body contrasted with the cold of our surroundings made me feel as if I'd never properly appreciated the show in the night sky.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" he breathed into my ear.

I turned on his lap so I could face him. "It is," I agreed.

"And now do you remember?" his eyes burned into mine.

"Most assuredly, I do," I leaned into him.

xxxx

"A controlled environment, but I'm not allowed to touch him to make it work?" I asked nervously.

"Just to see if it's a possibility," Carlisle assured me.

"And it has to be Edward?" Even the thought of it made my stomach clench. I wasn't happy with that idea at all.

"We figure he'll get the strongest response out of you," Emmett replied.

I gritted my teeth at the floor. Yes, he would get the strongest response. I glanced over at him and he was already looking at me, his brow furrowed with worry. "I do not want to do this when it causes you anxiety, but this information could be vital. Especially considering the circumstances," his eyes were tight.

And there we were again. The circumstances: more specifically, Alice's vision of the Volturi coming to investigate me. The vision that had disappeared once I had gone through my transformation had returned. They were coming, and they would begin their search in Forks within the month. Forks – where Charlie and the pack of werewolves were completely unaware of the impending danger. Danger caused, no matter how my family tried to deny it, by me.

Edward's long white finger reached under my chin and he tipped my face up, bringing me out of the circle of my thoughts and back to the matter at hand.

"Bella, I trust you," he said before he kissed me gently. I trusted him as well. It was the succubus sisters that I didn't completely trust.

Kate had been uncomfortable with the thought of trying to seduce Edward again, even for the purposes of Carlisle's experiment. However, she had agreed to the strategy she and Tanya had used in the past. She would use her powers on behalf of her sister. Tanya felt no such reservations, wishing to explore my possible powers on behalf of science. She sounded genuine, and as neither Edward nor Jasper sensed any devious thoughts or emotions from her, I could only believe that my reaction was once again tainted by my jealousy. But, as Jasper had pointed out to me earlier in private and Emmett had just stated minutes ago, that same jealousy made it much more likely that my ability would surface without the assistance of skin to skin contact.

The stage was set, the players ready. Edward kissed me once more before he left my side to cross the room and sit in a chair. Kate and Tanya were sitting about ten feet from him, waiting for the okay from Carlisle to start. Edward shifted nervously in his seat, his eyes on mine as I stood with my back to the fire. Everyone else was scattered about the room, none of them willing to miss my trial by fire.

Carlisle nodded at the sisters, and Kate closed her eyes.

At first the change in Edward was imperceptible. I looked back at Kate and found her now staring intently at Edward, who was starting to relax under her gaze. As the minutes passed, he slid down slightly in his chair, leaning his head against the back as his legs sprawled out before him. His crooked smile grew slowly across his face as he blinked lazily at me, his eyes burning at me as his head lolled to the side.

He did look sleepy, or intoxicated. Your answer would depend on whom you asked. I longed to go to him, but this experiment was not about that.

I closed my eyes, trying to focus, but they snapped back open with my need to see him; to know what was going on.

Tanya was now kneeling at his feet, her hands on his calves. She moved slowly, tracing her palms up the outsides of his legs as she made her way up his body. I saw him swallow heavily, and it was some small comfort that he kept his gaze on me. I reached out frantically with my mind, looking for the center of that flex, searching for that sense of Edward that I needed to find. I watched in horror as her hands slid up the broad plane of his chest and she began to wind her fingers through his hair.

It was when her lips were about to touch his that I could take it no longer, and I reacted like a spoiled child being forced to share her favorite toy. Clenching my hands into fists, I stamped my foot, yelling, "_MINE!_" I felt shame at my outburst only briefly, blinking in surprise as Tanya's body flew off of his and she landed on her back fully five feet away from him. She winced and rubbed the back of her head where it had slammed into the floor, looking warily at me over her shoulder. Kate had her hands to her mouth, her eyes wide as she looked at me. Edward was once again sitting straight upright in his chair, his eyes shining as he watched me carefully.

I looked sheepishly into everyone's shocked faces. "Sorry for that little outburst," I mumbled.

"Outburst is putting it mildly I think," Tanya said from where she was still sitting on the floor.

"For throwing a tantrum," I told the floor.

"What do you mean, Bella?" Alice asked cautiously.

"Acting like a frustrated toddler," how many ways would they make me say it?

"Bella?" Jasper's voice said. "Bella, you didn't move an inch."

"I didn't stamp my foot?"

"No."

"I didn't yell?" I could have sworn I yelled louder than I ever had before.

"No Bella. Not a sound."

I looked at all of them again. They were staring at me with expressions that ranged from awe to delight. "So it worked then?"

Edward crossed the floor to wrap me in his arms. "I believe it did, better than we imagined it would."

xxxx

We retreated to our room after that and I lounged on the bed, trying to figure out just what I had done to cause such a large reaction. Edward lay next to me, a speculative look on his face as he tried to explain what it felt like from his end of the experiment.

We both looked up as Alice glided into the room. "Bella, what did you mean when you said you threw a tantrum like a frustrated toddler?"

I ducked my head, hiding my face in my hands. Now that we were away from everyone, my outburst felt even more foolish than it had when I thought that I had actually physically done it.

"Bella," Edward prised my fingers from my face. "It might be helpful to know."

"Fine," I huffed. "I _thought_ that I stamped my feet and screamed 'MINE!' at Tanya when she was about to kiss you," I muttered as Alice collapsed across the mattress giggling wildly and clapping her hands. "I'm glad you find that so amusing," I said acidly as I poked her.

Edward chuckled as he wrapped his arms around me. "I invite you to be a toddler about sharing me all you like," he grinned at me.

"When you've finished laughing," I poked Alice again. "How does this help?"

"Well," she popped up, suddenly serious again. "You thought you moved, even when you didn't. So maybe that's part of it."

"You'll need more practice," Edward said.

"Sure, more practice. But let's ask Eleazar this time."

"Agreed," they smiled.


	19. Chapter 19: Mental Maneuvers

_Y'all, this is short. I'm warning you now. I'm trying to transition and I'm having a hard time with it. Writer's block kills. Carpal tunnel doesn't help much either. And we're buying a house so there's all the real estate mumbo jumbo, plus packing and whatnot to do. And for some reason, these people I live with think it's my job to feed them and wash their clothes. They just don't understand._

_No worries. I will not abandon this story. It just might take a little longer to get it out than I originally planned. It's some small comfort to know that Ms. Meyer - who really owns all of everything - is moving slowly with writing the REAL Breaking Dawn. With that, I hope you enjoy. -A.L._

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"Concentrate Bella," Edward's voice was low as he rubbed soothing circles on my back. 

"I am," I muttered. I rubbed my temples, frustrated. We'd been at it for hours.

"Maybe you should stamp your feet." I whirled to find Emmett leaning in the doorway with a large grin on his face.

"Alice!" I hissed. "You told!"

"I had to," she replied without remorse. "We've been doing the same thing for days. We're not getting anywhere like this. Maybe he can help."

"Look Bella," Emmett said, entering the room with his hands up. "Everyone who's been trying to help you so far is too close to the situation. They're clouded by their own powers and how they get them to work. I don't have that problem. I offer you a fresh perspective."

"Okay," I said slowly, willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he was here to help instead of tease, it wouldn't hurt to give him a chance. "What do you suggest?"

"First, what are you trying to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly."

"Look Emmet," I growled as I heard Edward chuckle behind me. This was sounding more like teasing than helping. "I'm not in the mood for some Abbott and Costello routine."

"Piss or get off the pot?" he asked with a wicked grin.

"Exactly," I narrowed my eyes at him.

He grinned again, "It's too much fun with your temper. You drive a hard bargain Bella. But I really need to know. Remember, I'm coming at this as an outsider looking in. Tell me what you're doing when you're concentrating like that."

"Well, today I've been trying to keep Edward out of Alice's head."

Emmett crossed the room to sit on the edge of the bed. "Yes, but HOW are you doing that?"

"That's just the point. I'm not," I said, knotting my fists in frustration as Edward resumed rubbing circles on my back.

"Why not?"

"What do you mean why not?" Maybe it was a bad idea to let Emmett try to help. He was making me more frustrated with his questions.

"I mean why do you think it isn't working?" He was unfazed by my temper.

"I can't find her."

"But Bella, she's right there!" he said pointing to where Alice was curled on a cushion on the floor.

I just sat there looking at him for a minute. Did he really think this was helping? "Captain Obvious strikes again."

Emmett tried and failed to hide his smirk at my comment. "Look Bella, maybe I'm just oversimplifying things, but it seems pretty uncomplicated to me. I think you're making it harder than it actually is. You all are."

"Said the big beefcake sitting on my bed," I said acidly.

Emmett laughed even harder and reached over to ruffle my hair. "Just because it's mental doesn't mean that it has to be complicated, Bella. Just like brawn doesn't equal a lack of brains."

"So anyway," he continued. "You had success that first time when Kate and Tanya were testing you. I think it's not just because you had an overriding emotion, but because you also had a corresponding action."

"But I didn't move."

"Ah," he said holding up his finger. "But you thought you did. You weren't trying to find Edward. You already knew exactly where he was. Just because you're not touching someone doesn't mean that you don't know where they are."

"But when I'm touching them it's easy to find the flex. It's right there."

"So when you're not, you need to find the corresponding action," he held up his hand to stop me as I started to sputter. "Mentally, I mean."

"Then…" I was struggling to figure out a corresponding action to block Edward.

"You protect someone from Edward you'd…"

"Throw myself in front of them? Push Edward over," I grinned at Edward over my shoulder.

"Smack him upside the head?"

"None of that, please," Edward murmured.

"Or throw your arms around the person you want to protect," Emmett was serious again. "Something like that. You already know where Alice is. Try using that freaky brain of yours to give her a hug."

I looked at Emmett for a second waiting for something more, but he just sat there smiling at me, and then pointed to Alice. "She's over there."

Scowling, I turned my attention back to Alice, who was now looking at me expectantly. I wondered briefly if maybe she saw that this would work, but now probably wasn't the time to ask. They were waiting for action. "Hug Alice then," I whispered as I stared at her. I imagined throwing my arms around her, but obviously nothing was happening.

"You're trying too hard," Emmett's voice was right by my ear, making me jump a little. "Your reaction to Tanya was completely instinctive – protecting your turf. What if Alice has one of your secrets that you don't want Edward to know?"

I knew better than to tell anyone anything that I wanted to keep from Edward. Sooner or later it would flash through their minds and he would see it. But for just a moment I imagined that Alice _did_ know something, and I wanted to clap my hand to her mouth to keep her from saying anything.

"There!" Edward shouted. "Just for a second, but that was it." He looked at me with pride.

"Hmm," I mused, biting my lip. Emmett was beaming at me, pleased that he was able to help. "Emmett has something here, but I'm still not completely sure of what I'm doing."

"What did you think you did this time?" he asked.

I grinned sheepishly. "I put my hand over Alice's mouth to keep her from blabbing," I said as Emmett's deep laugh shook the bed.

Edward was smirking at me. "As much as we've all been dying to do that at one time or another," he laughed as Alice stuck out her tongue and lobbed a cushion at him, "I'm glad to see it worked."

"So then," Emmett got up and turned to me. "Stop thinking so hard and just do it."

The rest of the days between that afternoon and when we left for Forks was filled with practice; trying to develop my new skill so it would be a little more reliable. Carlisle had been in contact with his seniors at the clinics in Circle, telling them of a family emergency that would take an unknown amount of time to sort out. He'd then called Billy and Sam and informed them of the impending arrival of the Volturi guard. Billy would see to Charlie's welfare, which eased my mind considerably. However, I still worried about the pack. They had no qualms when it came to a group of unfriendly vampires coming in to their area. In fact, they seemed to be looking forward to it. We had decided to return to Forks, thinking that if the guard's only intent was to check on the status of my mortality we would make it easy for them to find me.

Emmett was right. I'd been over thinking things when I was trying to figure out how it all worked. I needed to learn to let go and trust my gut reaction. It should have been a simple endeavor, but I had always been the kind of person who had to think things through before coming to a decision and acting on it. Relying on instinct, letting go of my usual habits, was difficult to do.

As we practiced, I got better at figuring out what actions suited what person. Blocking Edward involved either covering his target's mouth, or I could cover his ears if I wanted to block him from everyone around him. Blocking Eleazar was more difficult to figure out, but I eventually found that putting my arm around his target and whispering for them to know the truth worked well. Kate's power led me to imagine myself standing between her and her target, holding my palm out toward her as if to stop her. All of these actions were simple in retrospect, but I had to accomplish all of this mental maneuvering while sitting in a chair across the room.

Denali wasn't quite the vacation I'd imagined it being when we left Circle, and now it was time to leave for Forks.

I hadn't let myself really dwell on Forks for quite some time. I'd sent post cards here and there to Charlie, but our contact had been limited to not much more than that. He wasn't a verbose person when we were in the same room, and I imagined that putting words on paper was especially difficult for him. He seemed to be content with knowing that I was alive and well somewhere, and that I was happy.

I wasn't sure how to feel about going back to Forks so soon. I was still working on my control, and wouldn't trust myself around humans for any amount of time yet, so I wouldn't even be able to stop in and say hello. Being so close and unable to see how he was doing was going to be difficult, even if Alice said that she would go by and check on him. It wouldn't be the same.

Then again, when would things ever be the same again?

I didn't have much choice in the matter. Demetri and who knew who else were coming to check on me. If I could keep Charlie and the rest of my family safe by being easy to find, then that's what I would do.


	20. Chapter 20: Back to Forks

Crapple tunnel (sic) means short chapters. I have a snazzy new brace. It's very splinty and adjustable. Wee. Not quite happy with this chapter, but I don't know what to do about it.

Your mood music: Pearl Jam - "Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town" - which is my most favorite song EVER.

Italics aren't saving for some reason. sorry for any confusion.

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Chapter 20

The drive back to Forks from Denali was over before I knew it. I stared unseeing out the window of the car, barely noticing as the scenery flying past changed from whites and grays to the greens of the pacific rainforest. I had a lot to think about. Our departure had not exactly been smooth.

At first, Tanya and her clan had planned on coming with us as a show of support. Irina balked at first, not wanting to come so near the werewolves who had been responsible for Laurent's demise. She still held a grudge against them for that, but she had been willing to come as long as there would be no need for her to interact with them. It was all settled for a quick and peaceful visit back to the old hometown, and I was starting to look forward to seeing the place that held the clearest spot in my human memories once again. But our plan fell apart the afternoon before we left, when once again Alice was struck with a vision.

I was with her when it happened. We were packing up the last of my things and she was teasing me for being a procrastinator. She was lilting her way across the floor with an armful of my clothing when she suddenly stopped mid sentence, her eyes wide as she watched something that I couldn't see.

"Earth to Alice," I'd smiled at her. I expected her to snap out of it with some sort of traffic or weather report for our car trip.

She didn't respond at first, and then she'd slowly crumpled to the ground, clutching at her cheeks and moaning, "oh no… Oh no, Bella." I stood there in shock for a minute, and then flung my belongings to the floor and ran for Carlisle.

We listened in horror as Alice related what she'd learned. Aro was sending the guard to check on me – that much we'd known already. He did have other motives, hoping to persuade me to join them in Volterra for at least a short while, but his desires were nothing when compared to those of Caius.

Caius did not trust our family, assigning other motives to our grouping out of jealousy. When Jane made her report about the Cullen family's apparent ability to dispose of a sizeable army of newborn vampires with not casualties, he became nervous. And when she added the detail of Carlisle's attempt to spare the live of the one called Bree, he became furious. In sort, Caius did not see us as a family. He saw us as a rival coven, and a threat.

Unbeknownst to Aro, he'd asked the guard to "look into" the matter. Jane, Demetri, and Felix readily accepted the job, and Alice saw them discovering the werewolves and our treaty with them. After that, the future disappeared.

"Bella?" I shook my head, snapping out of these grim thoughts to realize that we had arrived once again at the large white house that to me would always be the very heart of Forks. In spite of all the turmoil, I smiled to see it again. It felt like coming home.

xxxx

We unloaded from the cars, settling in quickly to our old rooms. Most of the furnishings that we hadn't taken with us had been donated. We had left only enough behind to provide some comfort if we had the need to stop for a couple of days on the way to somewhere else.

I sank down to the thick golden carpet on the floor of what I would always think of as Edward's room, wishing that I was allowed the escape of sleep. I hadn't really missed sleeping much up until that point, but it would have been nice to be able to fall into a dream for a while. But then again, knowing what was facing us, any dream would be a nightmare and offer no relief at all.

I sat staring out of the window wall, just watching the wind play in the newly emerging spring leaves, when I heard Edward enter the room. His hand swept the hair from the back of my neck, and I relaxed as he began to rub my shoulders and back. I leaned into him, closing my eyes and inhaling his scent with my head on his shoulder.

"You're worried." It was a statement instead of a question, and he knew me well enough that I didn't worry about answering him.

"Bella? Much as I want to, I still can't hear your thoughts." I turned to look at him and saw the worry in his eyes and his furrowed brow. "You haven't said a word since we left Denali," his voice was anguished.

I stroked his forehead. Had I really been silent that long? No wonder he looked the way he did.

"I am worried," I answered him. "I'm happy to be back here in a place that feels like home – even if it's only for a short while. But the circumstances that brought us here…" I trailed off, unable to continue.

"Alice hasn't seen any harm coming to us. It is still highly likely that Carlisle will be able to talk to them."

"Alice hasn't seen much of anything after they find the werewolves," I sighed. "Edward?" I hesitated, biting my lip. I'd thought of another plan in the car, but hadn't mentioned it to anyone yet.

"Yes love?"

"Why can't I just go to Volterra? Why can't I just meet them there instead?"

He immediately growled low in his throat. "Do you honestly want to go _there?_"

"No, not really." I didn't want to go back there at all. I still felt that panic when I thought of the dank passageways beneath the streets and that horrible round room with the drain in the middle of the floor. But if I could do something there, like present myself to the court, maybe all of this could be avoided. "But I would do it if it would help the situation."

"I cannot allow it."

"Edward, you're my husband not my jailor. You don't _allow_ anything." I snapped, glancing at him again. His jaw was tightly clenched, his eyes snapping with anger. He bit back a retort.

"Have you considered your travel arrangements?" he inquired smoothly. "Being stuck in a pressurized tube full of humans and their blood at 20,000 feet hardly seems like a wise course of action."

My shoulders slumped and I sighed. "Do you always have to be right?" I hadn't considered how I would get there. I only wanted to get there.

"No, not always. Just most of the time," he kissed my hair.

We sat in each other's arms, staring out the window, until I felt Edward squeeze my hand. "They want us to come downstairs."

Everyone gathered in the living room. Carlisle and Esme sat on the couch that had been left behind. Alice perched on the arm with Jasper standing next to her, his arms wrapped protectively around her. Emmett and Rosalie leaned against the wall where another couch used to sit. Edward sat on the rug, bracing himself with his arms so I could sit between his legs and lean back against him. We all looked expectantly at Carlisle, waiting for him to begin.

"I've spoken with Sam and updated him on our latest information, but he wants to send some of the pack over here so we can talk in person. It would be better if they come to us instead of us going to them so we don't risk being seen in the area. It wouldn't do for Charlie to hear of us being in the area." He looked around at us, stopping on me. "Bella," he paused. "I don't want to cause you unease, but we're not sure how you'll react to the werewolves if they are here in their human aspects."

"Are you afraid that I'll want to eat them?"

"Ugh! Even a newborn would have better taste than that," Emmett grimaced.

"Maybe I can be here, and then leave if I need to?" I didn't want to miss any discussion that would take place, and I was also more than a little anxious at the thought of seeing my old friends again. I couldn't love Jacob as he wanted, but he was still very special to me, and he'd never smelled bad when I was human. I just couldn't believe that the werewolves smelled that awful, and if they didn't – would I really want to snack on one?

"I believe that can be arranged," Carlisle answered.

xxxx

I sat on the deep front porch, swaying slightly in the swing. The werewolves would be arriving soon, and I hoped that if I needed to leave, that being already out in the open would make it easier to go. Edward sat next to me, quietly playing with my hair and watching my face anxiously. He was worrying again, but I didn't know how to make his fears go away when my own were so prominent. Emmett lounged on the porch steps, but he wasn't fooling me. I knew he was there to take me down if I looked dangerous.

I smelled them before I saw them, and my eyes widened in shock. Before my change, Jacob had had a pleasant, woodsy aroma. I was appalled to smell something not so agreeable: it wasn't exactly horrible, more like wet dog than anything, but it certainly wasn't wonderful. It definitely wasn't something that I wanted to taste.

I saw Edward start to smirk out of the corner of my eye as I wrinkled my nose.

"Only most of the time," he chuckled. I elbowed him in the ribs as four figures stepped from the trees.

Sam, Jacob, Quil, and Embry slowly walked across the clearing towards the house, and stopped moving as I stood to greet them. I felt a flash of melancholy, but mostly happiness to see him as I studied the face of my old friend.

Jacob's mouth fell open and his eyes grew wide. "Bella?" he asked. I looked to the others and saw similar expressions of shock on their faces. I remembered that none of them had seen me after my change, and the difference in my appearance must have been alarming.

"Hi," I said, and smiled brightly at them. I wanted… no I _needed_ them to know that even if I looked different, I was still the same old Bella they had known before. "I'm fine. They didn't kill me."

Emmett looked like he was holding back a laugh. "Not all the way," he muttered.

"Only mostly dead," I couldn't help finishing, paraphrasing one of our favorite movies.

Jacob stopped looking shocked and looked incredulous instead. None of them moved or said a word, still staring at me.

"Look," I said, skipping down the porch steps and spinning in a circle. "I'm still me, just not so clumsy."

"Aw Bella! Clumsy was a good half of your charm!" Quil moaned. Jacob reached over a whacked him across the back of the head, and then there was a half second of stunned silence before we all burst out laughing. Emmett was howling so loudly he nearly rolled down the steps. The atmosphere, though still tense, lightened considerably.

Sam was not comfortable entering the Cullen's house, so the meeting took place in the clearing. They were up to date on all we knew from Alice's visions – admittedly not much – and understood our reluctance to try to make any plans when we were unsure of what would happen after the guard discovered the existence of the pack.

"I just don't get it," Jacob was frustrated. "You told them that Bella was changed."

"They still want to see for themselves," Emmett said.

"But why Forks? They knew you weren't here didn't they? Why would they come here? Why wouldn't they go to Alaska?"

"Why indeed," Carlisle was thoughtful.

Jacob was right. Why come here? Even if Carlisle hadn't told them we were leaving and Demetri couldn't find me… he'd met everyone else, and Edward said that his ability to find people worked over great distances. I'd assumed that Forks would be their starting point in a search for me simply to get him close enough to our family to find us, but why couldn't they do that from Seattle? What if Forks was their intended final destination all along?"

"Charlie," I breathed.

"What was that?" Everyone's attention was suddenly on me.

"What if they meant to come here all along? Aro wanted Edward and Alice… and me. What if they weren't coming here to find me? What if they were coming here to use a person I care about to get to me?" I slowly sank to the ground as fear gripped me.

Edward quickly knelt and wrapped his arms around me. "We won't let that happen," he said quietly.

Jasper began to pace, "That's not how they work. They're very orderly with their rules."

"But they waited when Victoria…" I swallowed. "They didn't come until the end. Like they wanted something to happen to us." I looked around at the topaz eyes of my family and the dark brown eyes of the my friends. "What if it's true?"

Jacob scowled. "If it's true, they have a fight on their hands."

"Excellent," Emmett smacked his fist into his palm.

"No!" I shouted up at them. There had already been too much fighting on my behalf. More than anyone needed in the course of a lifetime.

"What do you suggest?" Edward's face was impassive. "If they are coming for you, if they would use Charlie in that manner, what alternative do we have?" He leaned his forehead against mine. "Bella, I can't lose you," he whispered.

"I don't know," I answered. "There has to be something."

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The phrase "mostly dead" comes from the movie The Princess Bride, screenplay by William Goldman. 


	21. Chapter 21: Conversations

_This feels filler-y to me, but it's stuff that has to be said. Chapters are short because that's how I roll. I have this and 2 other stories that are actively romping in my brain right now, plus packing up the house for the move – holy cow that's next week! Someone send Emmett over here for the heavy lifting. I could use his laughter too._

_I repeat, I will not abandon this story. No worries folks. _

_Your mood music: Death Cab for Cutie – pretty much the entire Plans CD. I just set it to play and left it going._

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I sat there quietly on the ground, lost in thought while their words flowed around me. It was all so pointless, really. We had no direction, no clues, and no decisions could be made. I felt helpless once again, and I hated it.

All of this was supposed to stop when I became a vampire. Everyone – Edward, Charlie, Jake – they all were supposed to be _safer_ once my apparently delicious blood was no longer an issue. And yet, everything was the same. Another threat loomed over me and mine, but at least this time I was as indestructible as the rest of them. More so, since I was still a newborn and had all the benefits of extra strength. This time I wouldn't be watching from the sidelines.

I wasn't foolish enough to mention this. Edward was still kneeling next to me, holding me in his vice like grip as they speculated on the possibilities. I knew what his reaction would be.

I took the opportunity to study the faces of the werewolves, and Jacob in particular. He'd kept his longer hair, just long enough to pull back at the nape of his neck. I wasn't surprised to find how much I'd missed him without even noticing it. Near the end, our relationship had gotten to be so complicated, but before all of that he'd been my best friend, my warm sunshine during my darkest days. It was good to see him again, but I couldn't know if he felt the same way about me. Since his initial shocked reaction, he hadn't even glanced my way.

The meeting broke up, interrupting my perusal of my old friend. I stood quickly as they turned to go. "Jacob," his name was out before I could stop myself.

He stopped walking with his back to me, waving to his companions to continue without him before he shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans and looked at the ground.

Edward squeezed my hand gently and I turned to meet his eyes. He nodded in silent support, and turned to go into the house. He couldn't stay with me for this. It was up to me to try to make this work, but I didn't know how to do it. I no longer felt stretched thin between the two most important men in my life, but it didn't make it any easier to try to talk to Jacob. As he'd said before, I loved him. Just not enough to choose him over Edward.

I watched him as his shoulders rose and fell with a huge sigh. The silence between us was nearly palpable.

"What do you want Bella?" his voice was harsh.

"How are you?" I stammered. "Are you okay Jake? Are you happy?"

"I'm making it," he said roughly, still refusing to even look my way.

"Jake, please," I reached out to touch his arm and he flinched away. I fought back a wave of hurt as he pulled farther away. I had no right to any kind of reconciliation, but I had to try. When I'd left him in his room that day, we still wanted to be friends, but maybe it just wouldn't be possible.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll stop being so selfish." I turned to go into the house. Obviously my presence was too much. The idea tore my heart, but I'd learned this lesson once already. As painful as it was to let go, it hurt both of us more in the long run when I tried to hang on.

"It's not that Bella," he finally turned to look at me, his eyes fierce with some unrecognizable emotion. "It's just… just…" he sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "Aw crap Bella! Look at you!" he exploded.

I bowed my head to his anger. I deserved it, deserved any tongue lashing that he gave me. At least I wouldn't cry this time.

"And what are you doing here?" he was exasperated.

My head snapped up at that. What had we just spent the last hour discussing? Didn't he have any kind of understanding of the danger that he was in? Or was he just looking forward to more opportunities to fight. "The guard!" I yelled back.

"Ya but did _you_ have to be here? I mean, come on Bella. Any of you could have told us everything."

If I were still human, I would have been red faced and crying by then. "I'm sorry!" I yelled. "I wanted to see you, all right?" I just wanted to see you!" I clenched my hands into fists and stalked past him across the clearing to sit on a low stump. "And just you wait a minute Jacob Black!" I sprang to my feet again as another thought struck me. "You knew I'd be here and you came anyway, so don't you go blaming me!" My plan to quietly accept his anger evaporated as rage washed over me. He could blame me for being here if he wanted, but he had to accept his part in this as well. As far as I knew, he'd come of his own free will.

Jake stopped in his tracks. He'd been following me across the field. "I wanted to see you too," he mumbled.

"Oh Jake," I sighed dejectedly, my anger extinguished as quickly as it had come over me. "Is it ever going to be easy again?"

He was biting his lip, a habit that he'd more than likely picked up from me. "Probably not."

"There's just too much there isn't there?"

"Yes," he said softly. He raised his head to look at me intently. "Are you happy?"

"Yes." He nodded when I didn't hesitate with my answer. "Aside from the whole bloodlust thing, I'm happy Jake." I reached out unconsciously to touch his arm again, and that time he let me. "I wish…" I let my hand fall.

"I'm mostly happy," he answered. "It's just seeing you again. You still look like Bella."

"I am still Bella."

"But different," he argued. "You're cold, and," he wrinkled his nose. "You kinda reek now."

"Hey!" I couldn't help laughing. "You're talking to me normally now. It can't be that bad."

"Not as bad as the rest of them," he cocked his head toward the house. "It's like you used to smell, only too sweet now. Like fruit candy."

"Fruit candy?" I asked. Why did they always compare me to food?

"Ya, they make it fruit flavored but it doesn't taste like any kind of real fruit. It's too sweet. Like that."

"Well you don't smell so hot yourself," I answered. This conversation wasn't going how I thought it would, but talking was better than yelling.

"Jake? Are we enemies now?"

"Not enemies," he shook his head. "You'll always be my friend Bells. Even if it's hard."

"Me too Jake." I wished I could give him a hug like I used to, but it would be too much. We were friends again, but it was still too raw, too brittle for that kind of thing.

xxxx

"Are you doing okay?" Edward's arms snaked around my waist and he rested his chin on my shoulder. I was once again standing and staring out of our window wall. I let my head fall back against him, and breathed in his scent. It was always calming for me.

"Mostly," I answered him honestly. "It's almost like trying to learn to be friends with an ex. Even if that's not exactly the right way to describe this situation." I sighed and turned to wrap my arms around him. "I never had to worry about that kind of thing before, and I don't really know how to do it. And I'm afraid of hurting all of us all over again. I really screwed it up the last time I tried to have both of you in my life."

"Do you want Jacob?" his voice was careful, and I looked at his face to find the mask that he wore when he was trying to hide something.

"Edward Cullen," my voice was sharper than I intended, but I had to continue. "I need you to be honest with me. Even if it makes you feel selfish. Even if you think it's something that I don't want to hear. I don't care what your reason is. You have to tell me. I can't do this if you're holding things back." I was forceful with him, but he needed to understand that there was no other option if we were going to avoid the mistakes from our past.

"Do you regret-"

"NO!" I interrupted him, nearly screaming. "Never," I whispered. "You could ask me every day from now until the end of time and I would give you the same answer. I need you to be sure of me Edward. You can't doubt me. You have to know."

"I do know," he murmured into my hair. "I just needed to hear it again."

"Do you want me to not be friends with Jacob?" I leaned back so I could look into his eyes.

"I want you to be his friend, because it makes you happy," he pulled me close again. "We have more in common than I gave him credit for before, and I know I would want the chance to know you if things had gone differently."

"You have to tell me if I'm hurting you," I mumbled into his shirt.

"I will tell you everything," he agreed, and kissed me deeply.

xxxx

We skulked in the trees at the edge of the forest. "Are you sure Alice?" I asked again.

"It's very definite. Just stay here and we'll see him. He won't see us, you won't attack, and everything will be all right."

I clung to the branch of my tree, and took a deep breath to calm myself. Charlie's scent washed over me. I'd never smelled it before, but I would have known it anywhere. It was the essence of Charlie – kind of warm sea smell, with leather thrown in. As horrible as it is to say, he smelled delicious, but this was Charlie. I wanted to go to him, desperately, but I would hate myself for the rest of eternity if I did. I felt Edward's soothing hand on my hair, and looked at him with a small smile. I was only just beginning to understand everything he had gone through just to be near me. I was excruciating, but at the same time I was proud of myself for being able to be so near him after only a little over 9 months as a vampire. I was no where near ready to be close to humans, but across the road and up a tree seemed to be working fine.

The sun was only just beginning to peek over the horizon when I saw him exit the house. He was wearing his typical off duty flannel shirt and jeans, and stood fumbling with the doorknob for a second before reaching to place the key in its usual spot in the eaves. He bent to pick up his fishing pole, and I smiled as I heard him whistling on his way to the car. He was happy.

I looked at Alice once again as he pulled away. "Alice, could I?" I began. Her eyes were closed, and she held up one finger asking me to wait.

"If you like, it would be fine," she answered after a moment.

"He's going fishing with Billy," Edward said. "He'll be gone all day."

"I don't want that long," I murmured. "I just want to see."

I swiftly crossed the road and unlocked the door, Edward and Alice at my heels. I entered the house and was suddenly hit by a flood of memories. How many movies had I watched with Edward on that couch? How many meals had I cooked in that kitchen? I spotted my latest post card from Denali tacked to the front of the fridge. One of our wedding photos was displayed prominently on the center of the mantle in the living room. Everything else was in order, practically unchanged from my time living with Charlie.

I climbed the steps to my old room, and stopped to stand in the doorway. It had been less than a year since I had slept in that bed, but it was a lifetime ago. I shook my head in wonder at all that had come to pass since then. Edward squeezed by me, going to sit in my old rocking chair. He held his arms out to me, and I grinned as I crossed to sit in his lap.

"Edward?" I asked, turning to press a kiss against his jaw. "Will we ever be able to come visit here when Charlie is home?"

"I'm sure we will, sometime in the next few years, when you can pass for a young looking twenty something," he replied. "You'll have been gone long enough that Charlie will assume your differences come from your age, and you'll be old enough then to control yourself around him. I think it would be possible."

"Good," I replied. "I'd like to spend time here with you legitimately. Keep you overnight in my bed with Charlie's consent," I grinned. "This is part of where it all began, and I'd like to have some solid memories of it."

"I'm sure that can be arranged," he murmured.

"Do you think the Volturi…" I trailed off as Alice appeared in the doorway. I couldn't bring myself to voice the question that lay heavy on my mind.

"I don't see anything like that in his future, Bella," Alice tried to reassure me. "I know things change, and I'm not infallible, but I truly think that Charlie is going to be fine through all of this."

I hoped she was right, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something that I was missing. Something important that I wouldn't remember until it was too late. They knew how Alice's power worked, and if Victoria had been smart enough to not make clear decisions until the end, the Volturi would have no problems following the same strategy. The only thing about that was that it was supposed to be against their rules for humans to know of their existence. Jasper said they wouldn't break their own rules, but I worried all the same. Sitting in his house, rocking in my old chair, made me feel just how fragile his life really was. I would do nearly anything to keep him safe.


	22. Chapter 22:  Ego

_This one is short, but it feels long to me. I could put in a break and keep going, but you've all been so patient with my move I wanted to get something up for you. I'm now in my new house, living amongst the boxes and smiling at how wonderful large windows are. I'm not feeling well today, so I decided to take a break from unpacking and spend my afternoon on the couch writing for you. I hope you enjoy it. I hope to finish unpacking in the next week. Then we'll have the birthday for my 2 year old to turn into a 3 year old, and then I can get back to more writing and finally wrap this one up. Thanks for your patience, and for your reviews!_

_Your mood music: Matt Nathanson –"All We Are"_

* * *

_Chapter 22 _

I had returned to sitting on the floor of our room, my chin resting on my knees as I stared out of the window wall. No matter what I tried to do, I kept finding myself drawn back to the spot. Time was being ruthless with me once again, seeming to move in fits and starts, and I'd lost track of it completely as I gave myself over to waiting. The future was merciless and inescapable, and barreling towards me at 60 minutes an hour.

Edward had come to sit next to me at some point, silently offering comfort by his very presence. I leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed.

"Bella," I was shocked to hear his usually velvet voice cracking in despair. I turned to face him fully only to see the anguish in his eyes. His eyebrows were knit together, his mouth drawn into a tight line. I gasped, immediately thinking that Alice's vision had finally cleared and we had a new glimpse into the future.

"Bella, we've been here for two days," he sighed tiredly, reaching to rub his forehead as if he had a headache. "You asked me for honestly but you are not returning the favor. You have closed me off – even more than usual you have shut yourself away from me." He shook his head in frustration. "I cannot bear to lose you, but this…" he paused to reach out and stroke my face. "This being with you even as your mind wanders far from me…" Words failed him and he looked imploringly at me.

"Edward, I…" I felt a thickness in my chest and didn't know how to answer him. His sadness wasn't because of something Alice had seen. I was because of the way I had been behaving.

"Aside from a few brief moments, you have been absent since we left Denali. I've half a mind to take you back there, to search out the piece of you that has gone missing," his eyes were dark with sorrow.

I had never seen him so desperate. Even before, all those times I'd been in danger, had been better than this. Then, there was something that we could do. Here, I realized, I was not the only one who felt helpless with the situation. I reached out and drew his head to my chest.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," I murmured into his hair. I'd been blind, not even aware that I'd been hurting him so much. I'd taken his presence as a source of comfort, not even thinking of offering him any in return.

"Where have you been, Bella?" His voice was muffled against my shirt. "What have you been thinking? I've never been so frustrated by that as I've been recently. I asked Alice if you'd made any plans, and she said no, but I am so anxious. More than that, I'm feeling more vulnerable than I've ever felt before." His arms tightened around me.

"I've been waiting, going over everything in my mind. I don't know what to do about anything, so all I've been doing is waiting and watching the trees."

"Waiting, and only that?" he pressed, pulling back to examine my face closely. "Are you sure you weren't trying to find a way to go and meet them on your own?"

"I wouldn't be able to do that," I answered him honestly.

"Because Alice is watching you, or do you have another reason?" His eyes were guarded.

I looked down at our hands. "That's part of the reason," I couldn't look up at his face as I answered him. "But not all of it," I sat in silence chewing my lip.

He cupped my chin in his hand, lifting my face so he could look into my eyes. "What is the rest of your reason, Bella? Please, tell me."

I gazed into his deep topaz pools, willing him to see the love I felt and not the selfishness that drove my actions. "I couldn't leave you," I whispered.

"Bella," his voice was like a soothing balm. "Why do I have the impression that you feel like there is something wrong with feeling that way?"

"Because I'm so selfish Edward," I pulled my chin out of his hand and turned my cheek. "I'm putting you… putting everyone at risk because I'm not brave to go out and meet this head on. It should be different now. I've been changed. I'm not helpless anymore, but I still can't do it. I've caused nothing but problems for your entire family from the beginning, and here I am still causing problems. I-" I was silenced when Edward put his finger over my lips.

"I believe I've spoken with you on the subject of my own selfishness concerning you on several occasions?" he crooked an eyebrow at me. "You cannot honestly believe that I would not follow you wherever you go. And the rest of them too," he said nodding towards the rest of the house.

"I'd hope you'd understand what I was trying to do and keep yourself safe." I muttered.

"Ah but Bella, I am not safe without you." He pulled me close and I could hear his voice rumbling in his chest. "You are my world, my very reason for being. These past few days…" I felt him shake his head above me. "I have been in fear that you were planning to leave me. To go to the Volturi, to go to Jacob, to go off on your own… any choice that would take you from me." He cupped my chin again to lift my face so he could kiss me gently. "I try to tell myself that I would let you go if that's what you desire, but I don't know if I could," he murmured, his lips moving against my own.

"I would never desire that," I answered fiercely.

"Then be here with me Bella. You haven't been with me since this started. You say that you need my honesty. I need you. I need you to be here with me, fully and completely, without shutting yourself away." His eyes were blazing and he looked at me as if he were seeing me again for the first time. I felt caught in them, pulled into them, and his lips crashed into mine with an intensity that I hadn't allowed myself to feel out of the fear of losing it all.

"I've been so foolish," I wound my fingers into his hair as his lips moved to my jaw and neck. "I need you with me too. We have to stay together, no matter what," my breathing was growing heavier and I was suddenly desperate for the feel of his skin against mine.

"Bella?" he asked as I roughly yanked his shirt open and climbed onto his lap so I could press my cheek against his chest. It was smooth and firm, and I felt relief from the pain that I had allowed to build up during my solitude.

"Please Edward," was the only answer I could give him. I buried my face in his chest, right above where his heart would be beating, and breathed in his scent. I threaded my arms under his shirt, wrapping them around him so I could hold him closely, but my shirt was in the way. Quickly, I pulled back and threw it off. I leaned back against him, this time feeling his skin sliding under my forearms as I wrapped myself around him again and sighed in contentment.

He was still for a moment, my abrupt movements must have startled him after I had been sitting motionless for so long. He bent his head over me and I felt his lips on my neck once again as he began to slowly rub circles on my back.

I had been searching for something, needing something to help me through this, and he had been there all along. "You were right here with me all along," I murmured.

"Of course," he answered gently. "There is no where I'd rather be."

I lost track of time again as he held me closely, whispering the words I needed to hear. His sweet breath washed over me when I tilted my head to allow him access to the other side of my neck, and I made no objections when he continued further.

His hands running over my body were gentle. It was as if he were wiping away my fears of losing him and his family. Slowly, methodically, he stroked my muscles, easing away the tension and stress.

The feel of his skin under my fingers was bliss. I ran my hands over him, removing clothing when it got in my way, wallowing in his fragrance, loving the body I had grown to know as intimately as I knew my own.

His lips were never still, traveling over me with reckless abandon while I clung to him. We were both trembling, drowning in the emotions that were driving us as we kissed and touched. It felt like too much; it was too big to belong to either of us. The only way we could survive it at all was together.

We had to let go of any doubts we had that we still carried. Any insecurities that I'd brought with me from my time as a human had to be banished. I'd been wasting my time sitting there staring out the window. I should have been being with Edward, with my family, as we faced what was coming our way.

It was another epiphany for me. I pulled back from Edward to look at him wonderingly.

"What is it, love?" he smiled.

"It's not just about me, or even about you. It's about all of us," I said, feeling it and knowing it as truth for the first time.

His hands cupped my face, and he stared searchingly into my eyes. Slowly, a smile broke over his face. "I believe you are right," he spoke with a new conviction. "We've been thinking about this from the wrong perspective. We're all guilty of it, too egocentric to see it differently." He pulled me closely, his lips fervent on mine.

"I will not lose you," his voice was relieved as he plunged into me, kissing me deeply.

"And I won't, you" I managed before I forgot everything else for a time. Wave after wave broke over me, and I could name them all - love, and hope, and trust…

There was no room for my worries. The peace I found in Edward shouldered its way in, moving everything else aside until it filled every inch of me.

I still didn't know what was coming, but none of us did, and we would face it all the same.

This man, this love… this was what I would be fighting for. This was everything.


	23. Chapter 23: Family

_I am aware that it's been nearly a month. Your floggings have been received. What can I say? I moved, had 2 holidays, 3 birthdays, and my anniversary is in a couple of days. I've been a bit busy. But I will not desert you. I promise. I will finish this story._

_More author's note at the end. Please read it. I need suggestions._

* * *

_Chapter 23_

It felt like we were revisiting our honeymoon. We could have been the only people in the world that night, it wouldn't have surprised me a bit. I reveled in our connection even as I contemplated how thin I had allowed it to get. I had been too wrapped up in myself, but now that my eyes were opened I would not allow it to happen again.

Dawn was beginning to break, the muted light spilling through the trees and through our window wall calling us to a new day. I shifted slightly, burrowing into Edward's muscled chest with a sigh. He shrugged, mirroring my movements so we fit comfortably together, like matched puzzle pieces. I felt whole again, after days of drifting on my own. I thought again of how I'd drawn away, hurting him without realizing it. I heaved another sigh and Edward's arms tightened around me.

"Is something troubling you?" his voice rumbled through his chest.

"I'm only thinking of how foolish I've been, how much I'd been pulling away from you… how much I would regret doing that." I lifted my head, folding my arms across his chest and propping my chin on my hands so I could stare down into his eyes. "And I'm thinking that I will be eternally grateful to you for bringing me out of that spiral, and for keeping me from making such a serious mistake."

His eyes had lightened considerably since the night before, and the agony on his face had melted away. I reached out so I could trace his features with my fingertip. "This much loved face," I trailed my fingers over his cheekbones, "and especially the man behind it – all of this is essential to me. I cannot be without it."

"Nor I you," his lips moved gently against my fingertips, his breath blew cool and sweet across my face.

"Then we are agreed," I smiled at him fondly.

"Agreed as to…" he crooked one eyebrow at me even as he grinned crookedly back.

"We will not be parted." He drew in a breath to answer me, but I held my finger across his lips to stall him. "You have assured me that if I tried something with the intention of keeping you safe, you would come after me."

He nodded in answer.

"Then you must see that any similar action by you would lead to the same result on my part." I paused to look at him meaningfully, but kept my finger across his lips so he would not be tempted to interrupt.

"Additionally, I believe that if we were separated, I would be more focused on my worries for you than I would be thinking of whatever it was that I was supposed to be doing. I would be too caught up in my thoughts of you, and I would be distracted. So, I need you to agree. That any plan, any course of action that we might take, we cannot be parted.

I removed my finger and pushed off of his chest, sitting up to give him room to think about what I'd said. His face had been impassive through my whole little speech, but knowing Edward his mind was working furiously, searching for some way that he could keep me safe while putting himself at risk.

I sat watching him as his crooked grin slowly grew again across his face. "If what you say is true, then I have no choice but to keep you with me at all times. You'll be a danger to yourself otherwise."

"Whatever gets you through it Edward," I said dryly.

His grin grew larger as he gently poked me. "I have missed you," he said, crushing me gently to his body. "I'm happy that you've come back to me."

I tipped my head back to kiss him. "Me too."

He kissed me softly for a moment before pulling back again. "Do you realize that you aren't the only one who has been missing?" His playful demeanor had fallen away and he was serious once again. "I mentioned it earlier. We're all at fault. I neglected to notice it myself because I was so concerned with you."

I pulled back further so I could study his face. "What do you mean?" I asked. "You're right that I haven't been paying attention to anything lately."

"No one has but Esme," he said with a frown. "Each one of us has been so wrapped up in our own experiences, hindered by our own worries. Instead of drawing together as we have in the past, we've splintered. I'm only aware of this much because of Esme's thoughts." He looked ashamed of himself as he admitted this.

"Has she said anything?" I asked.

"She has made attempts, but hasn't found a receptive audience yet. She has been waiting for it to be the right time."

"Well," I said standing up. "No time like the present." I reached for his hand and pulled him to a stand as well. "Let's go get our family back."

xxxx

We descended the staircase slowly, hand in hand, and walked into what had once been the dining room. The table and chairs were no longer there, had been donated to some worthy cause when we left town, but this room was still the place to call for council because it was more formal instead of the relaxed living room.

I folded my legs beneath me and spoke out into the rest of the house, knowing that they would hear me. "Can everyone come down for a meeting?"

Carlisle and Esme arrived first, followed shortly by everyone else. They seated themselves in a ring around the room as if the table were still there, and looked at me with expectation in their eyes.

I licked my dry lips and leaned forward slightly out of nerves. My hands were on my knees, and I felt Edward begin to rub soothing circles on my back. I swallowed heavily and began my apology.

"I'm sure you have all been aware of my…" I paused, unsure of what to call the mental pond in which I'd been swimming. "My disconnect over the past few days."

"Longer," Edward murmured. The family nodded in agreement.

"I would like to apologize for that." I looked at each one of them in turn, searching their faces for understanding. "And I'd like to apologize for the disconnect that I seem to have caused in the rest of you." Their faces suddenly stilled at my words and they shifted nervously in their seats. Like me, they weren't able to see it until someone else pointed it out.

"Please explain Bella." Carlisle's eyes were piercing.

"I can't give myself credit for seeing it." I stared down at my hand that was clasped in Edward's. "I haven't been here properly to see anything. I wouldn't even know it now if Edward hadn't told me, if he hadn't put himself out to bring me back." I looked over at him to find him gazing softly at me. He smiled gently.

"Esme?" Edward turned his smile to her. "I too was at fault. Please, now is a good time."

Esme looked at all of us, her family, her husband, her adopted children. I could only imagine how she'd felt watching all of us pull away, unable to say anything that would bring us to attention and draw us back.

"Esme?" Carlisle's voice was low and loving, so intimately gentle that I nearly felt like I was intruding, but I couldn't tear my eyes away as he reached to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear and took one of her hands in his.

"Carlisle," she replied. Her voice was also low, but sweetly sure as she gathered her thoughts. She turned to all of us. "Our family has been drifting apart."

Her proclamation was greeted with silence as we all looked guiltily at each other.

Esme paused again, favoring each of us with a loving look before she turned to her husband. "Carlisle," my eyes widened a bit as I heard a trace of anger her usually gentle voice and demeanor. "You have been in your study examining every decision you've ever made regarding this family, yet you have neglected to come out and see our faces. You've been focusing on your past association with the Volturi, trying to figure out how that could come into play. You've been forgetting the present because you're so wrapped up in the past."

Her voice was gaining strength as she spoke, and she turned to Alice. "And you Alice, you've been just as bad." Alice's eyes flew open and her small hand went to her throat. "You're so concerned with being unable to see what is to come, that you're forgetting the here and now. You're doubting yourself, and you're drawing away in response. Alice," her voice was gentle now. "You are more valuable to this family than that. We need you, with or without your gift." Alice put her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Jasper put a comforting hand on her neck and bent to whisper in her ear.

"Jasper," Esme continued. "You've been soothing Alice, naturally. And I expect that you'd need to draw away from all of these feelings of doom and gloom to save your own sanity." Jasper nodded slowly in response. "But you've not come to use in any of your available moments. You've been spending that time strategizing and planning, playing war games in your head." Jasper's eyes dropped in embarrassment.

"Emmett," he looked up with a start. "You've been spoiling for a fight, and your enthusiasm isn't going over so well this time." He looked guiltily at his hands.

"Rosalie, you've been agonizing over another threat to your family, but instead of drawing us closer you've been withdrawing out of guilt. You're blaming Bella again, and feel ashamed because now she's part of our family as well."

"And Bella," Esme turned to me and I felt my stomach drop to my feet under her loving gaze. "You've admitted to your disconnect, but you neglected to mention how you've also been blaming yourself as the cause of danger. You simply can't shoulder that kind of blame."

She looked at Rosalie and me, "Girls, you have been coming together since Bella's change. Don't let this put that wall back up." Rosalie met my eyes briefly and we both looked away, ashamed.

"Edward," Esme wasn't done yet. "You've been so focused on Bella, on finding a way to save her from herself, that you've neglected everything else – including yourself as well as your family."

Her voice had remained sweetly firm, but her eyes were bright and snapping as she looked around at us. "Would you say that that's a fair assessment?" She pierced each of us with her eyes, finally coming to rest on Carlisle.

"I would say that you are accurate," he agreed with her. "We have all been so consumed by our won experiences that we've forgotten that this isn't really about Bella. Nor is it about fighting, or strategies, or decisions, or any one thing. It's about all of us together." He paused and looked at each of us meaningfully. "It's about us as a family."

I sat up straight again, realizing that I'd been leaning forward in the intensity of the moment. The room was quiet, the only sounds the soft breathing of our family as we thought over all that Esme had said.

"I needed you to see," she spoke softly again. "Everything was changing, falling apart, like we weren't really a family anymore."

Carlisle slapped his thigh. "And there's the crux of the matter," he lifted his head. "They will be coming to investigate us as a rival coven, but coven we are not. We are a _family_. We must act as such."

"Not all split up and running in different directions," Emmett suddenly grinned. "We've been like herding cats. We need to be together like we've always been."

"Bella may be just an excuse for them to come here," Jasper cut in. "I know this sounds like strategy," he pursed his lips for a moment, and I noticed Alice absently tracing the shape of one of the scars on his forearm. "But they have always been intrigued by our existence. This is a golden opportunity for them to examine just that. To see that we really are a family as we claim to be."

"And Aro's interest in her?" Edward growled.

"Is simply that. Interest and no more. He will not force any of us into service. They love their rules and order." Jasper was firm in his beliefs.

"And now?" I couldn't help asking. "What do we do now?"

"We talk, we tell stories, we come together," Esme answered me. "Like families do."

xxxx

It was hard to believe that we'd only been in Forks again for a few days. It felt like much longer. We expected the guard by the end of the week, but still had no idea and no plan for what would come to pass. Alice was no longer trying to force her visions, but she hadn't seen anything new of consequence either.

Jasper insisted that we all practice fighting games, just in case, and we all agreed. We could use them as bonding experiences as much as anything else. Emmett was in his element, laughing merrily as he rolled with me across the clearing, accepting the teasing when I was able to pin him with my newborn strength.

The worry and anxiety left Esme's eyes as she watched her sons wrestling in the yard. I could almost feel the relief coming off of her as our family knit itself back together.

For the first time since Alice had the vision that the guard would be coming, I began to allow myself to hope that everything would be alright.

It's funny how when you're working so hard at remembering something it eludes you completely. Almost like a small child playing hide and seek, it squirrels itself away in the farthest reaches of your mind and cannot be retrieved. And then, when you finally get frustrated and give up trying, the memory is triggered – as if the child got bored and tired of hiding and came out to be noticed again.

I'd given up trying to figure out what that niggling thing in the back of my mind was. I assumed that it was lost to wherever memories go when a person is changed into a vampire. And then Alice had a vision.

A simple decision made by a vampire thousands of miles away changed everything. A few too many slips of the hand, an attitude just a shade colder than normal, and Aro began to notice. And once he noticed the little clues, he made it a goal of his to touch Caius' skin.

That touch would reveal Caius' musings and his fears. Aro would see that he'd asked the guard to begin their search in Forks instead of having Demetri find the tenor of the Cullens in his mind and find them that way. That he suspected that there was something more to the area that we'd been trying to hide.

And that was just the thing. Aro already knew.

He knew of the older generation of werewolves, those of Ephriam Black's time, because he'd sifted through Edward's memories when we'd been in Volterra. But Edward was unaware of the present generation at that time.

Alice, however, knew about them. She'd touched Aro briefly, trying to assure him of our plan to change me, and had kept that particular conversation and vision at the forefront of her mind. But there was no way to know how much Aro had taken away from that exchange; no way to know how much he'd seen.

In any case, he wasn't a stupid man. He'd been around for thousands of years, and it wouldn't be a great leap for him to connect Caius' suspicions of some outside help that allowed us to deal with the newborn army with the fact that our family had had a treaty with werewolves in the same area a century before.

Carlisle maintained that it would not be an issue that he'd made a treaty with the werewolves, saying that it was between us and their pack. He was not trying to speak for all of our kind, but only trying to ensure peace for his family. Aro could not find fault with that.

But if Alice's vision was correct…

Aro was bored with his existence in Volterra. He depended on territorial disputes, the hunters bringing in groups of prey, and rogue newborns for his entertainment. And even that lost its appeal after so many years. Edward's visit and our subsequent escape had been the most excitement he'd seen in decades.

He was already interested in my change, and whatever ability I might posses. Add in a pack of "tame" werewolves and it would be too much for him to resist.

Aro would want to see for himself, and since the werewolves would never show up at his castle, he would be on a private plane bound for Seattle before the day was through.

* * *

_I hope it's not too much to yank Aro out of Italy and stick him on a plane. I ran it by a couple of people and they liked it, so I went with it. And now I need your help!_

_I'm usually listening to music while I write, and I need something to listen to for the big confrontational scene. Something with lots of drums and that "am I going to get out of this alive" kind of feel to it. Please make suggestions! I need them desperately. I will send you pie. Lots and lots of pie._


	24. Chapter 24: Allies

_You didn't have to wait a month! I hope this one doesn't bore you. I tried to make it longer, but you know how it is. I still struggle with that._

_I wanted to take a minute to thank all of you for reading, suggesting songs, and reviewing. I know you can see the number of reviews for the story, but at the time that I'm uploading this chapter this story has 100,862 hits, 406 favorites, and 442 alerts. To say that I'm picking my jaw up off the floor would be an understatement. So thank you!_

_Mood music, might not fit so well but it's what I was listening to: White Stripes – Seven Nation Army_

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Chapter 24 

I sat with Edward, waiting. We were in one of the hammock chairs that we'd left hanging on the wrap around porch of the house. I was curled up on his lap, my head resting on his shoulder as I watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He rested his cheek on the top of my head and held me with one arm around my waist, the fingers of his free hand tugging gently through my hair. The werewolves were due at any time.

Esme's words had stirred something within us all, and now we would rarely find another member of the family alone. Even what would usually be solitary activity was now done with someone else close by. We touched each other more, gathering strength and intensifying our bonds to each other. We didn't do one thing in particular; we just were. But it was the multitude of small actions, these pristine moments of everyday living, that seemed to cement our relationships as it solidified our resolve to stick together through everything.

Each married couple appeared to be clinging to one another, anchoring each other to the earth. Edward and I were no exception. I'd never enjoyed being parted from him, feeling that dull ache when he wasn't around. Now it was nearly a sharp physical pain if my skin lost contact with his. I didn't fight it, didn't stop to consider whether it might be some sort of weakness in myself. The need was far too great, and I could look around to see that we all felt the same way. It was the opposite of drawing away from each other, and I hoped that it would make us stronger in the end.

We had two days.

The idea had the air of a death sentence when Alice spoke those words. Two days. If my heart were still beating it would be pounding those words out in its rhythm. Two days. Two days. Each tick of the clock marked one more moment that could not be reclaimed; one moment closer to whatever may come.

Aro was arriving in Seattle, but Alice saw him taking his time on his journey to Forks. He was excited, but it had been quite some time since he'd left the confines of Volterra. The overcast climate would give him an unaccustomed freedom to his movements, and he would be using it to stop and take in the sights – _and the flavors –_ of the large city before he left it. I shuddered to imagine the idea.

How would it be to have those red eyes as your last sight on Earth? To feel his teeth on your neck and feel that hard but oddly brittle skin beneath your fingertips as you struggled your last? I couldn't consider it too closely for fear that my own destiny would mirror it in some horrifying way.

Our most pressing issue after Alice's most recent vision was to notify the pack of the new development. We were no longer dealing with only a part of the guard, and the danger to everyone would increase tenfold. There would be no investigation and discovery of the pack, since Aro was already aware of their existence. There was no point in trying to pretend that we knew nothing about them. Our best option was to meet him as a united group. Having them here when Aro arrived might circumvent any troubles that would arise if he were left to seek them out on his own. And his curiosity about them would definitely lead him to do just that.

Alice wasn't overjoyed with the idea, since their presence made her visions of the meeting with him vanish into nothingness. But even before we'd decided to ask them to be included nothing was set in stone. Her visions had been continuously changing with Aro's whims and moods. At this point, going blind seemed less dangerous than some of the outcomes she'd seen.

I sighed, burrowing farther into Edward's shoulder. This meeting with the werewolves was sure to be tense. My relationship with Jacob aside, I didn't know if they would blame me for bringing Aro to the area. They were so impulsive and ready to fight, especially Jacob and Quil, that I worried that they would overlook the danger and rush headlong into a battle that they weren't ready for and might be able to avoid.

I could smell them coming, but they still seemed to materialize out of thin air as they stepped out of the tree line at the edge of the clearing. Their faces were drawn and serious. Even Quil's usually joking demeanor was subdued.

Carlisle appeared in the doorway and walked down the steps to greet them, shaking Sam's hand briefly and speaking with him quietly. The rest of the family began to trickle out of the house, and I stood up from my seat on Edward's lap to join everyone in front of the house while Carlisle began to explain.

---

"If he's coming, why can we just take him down?" Jacob's question was eager – just the sort of thing I was afraid he'd want to do.

"Aro won't be traveling on his own," Jasper had gone back to his former role as combat instructor. "Think of him as you would a foreign head of state. He'll have the guard that was already coming, plus his own elite guards, plus anyone who is trying to curry favor with him these days."

"But we beat an army before." I could almost hear Jacob rolling his eyes.

"That was an army of inexperienced newborns with little to no training. Aro himself is thousands of years old. The guard coming with him may not be as large as the army we fought before, but they are the best of the best. Their experience outweighs them by centuries."

"And some of them have gifts," I added.

"Gifts like what?" Sam was quick to ask. The idea of extra abilities had always been a hard pill for the pack to swallow.

"Aro can know your entire past with just a touch. Jane can cause unbearable pain to take over your body just by looking at you. Demetri can find you no matter where you run or how far you go…" I began, my voice getting higher and more hysterical as I went on.

Their eyes darkened as they looked at each other, the gravity of the situation sinking farther in as I spoke.

"So we won't be able to do anything at all," Jacob growled. "Why are you telling us if you want us to sit around doing nothing?"

"Because Aro knows about you and he wants to see you. If you are not here when he comes to see us, he will seek you out." Carlisle answered before I could, his voice low and grave.

Embry spoke, "If he came to find us, he would come onto our land."

"And we would hunt him," Sam finished his thought.

"And that," Jasper held up his finger for emphasis, "would bring the wrath of the entire coven against you. It would be war against the most experienced fighters in the world. They would outnumber you by tenfold and your entire tribe would be wiped out."

"Has she seen this?" Sam pointed at Alice.

"I can't see your futures," Alice said quietly. "But I can see what their response to Aro's death would be. It would be massive. You would be fighting forces that have exterminated thousands of vampire armies. I can't imagine anyone surviving an attack like that."

"What about their precious secrecy?" Jacob sneered. "They made you change Bella because she was one human who knew about vampires. I'm sure people would notice if our whole tribe died."

"Do you honestly think that the bubonic plague was responsible for wiping out that much of the population in Europe?" Edward spoke for the first time. They looked at him, the challenge in their eyes gradually giving way to belief in what we were saying.

"What is our course of action?" Sam's voice had lost it's sharp edge, going quiet once again.

"We stand together, as a united front," Carlisle answered. "We set aside our differences and our prejudices and come together. We trust each other as friends instead of treating each other like enemies. We stand as true allies."

"This will be difficult for most of the pack to take," Sam said evenly. The others nodded in agreement.

I stood, chewing my lip as I watched their faces shade from disbelief to tentative acceptance. A true alliance made sense strategically, but past prejudices and instinctive responses would be difficult to overcome.

"What if I came to La Push?" I asked.

Edward's hand squeezed mine convulsively as everyone turned to look at me. Their expressions ranged from shocked to incredulous to shrewdly calculating.

"It makes the most sense," I pressed. "We came to Billy's before the wedding. Carlisle was out there loads of times to treat Jacob. You've been coming here this time. And," I turned to look at the members of the pack, my friends, more closely.

"You knew me… before." I said staring each of them in the face in turn. "Is it harder or easier to accept me compared to the rest of them?"

"_It's easier,_" Jacob's lips moved as Sam answered aloud.

"Because you knew me before and you can see me know and know that the essence of who I am hasn't changed with all of this." I waved my free hand at myself and then directed it at the rest of my family. "Just like them. The essence of who they were is still there. There's something to our diet, the sacrifice of fighting our natural inclinations that keeps us closer to human. It keeps us, _us._ If you would understand this, it might not be so hard."

"You have to understand too," Jacob shifted slightly forward as all eyes moved their focus from me to them. He didn't look at me, but moved his eyes from Carlisle to Edward. "None of us chose this life. None of us wanted to be _dogs_. But we take pride in it. We are the guardians of our people and not just some stupid animals with pack mentality." His brothers were nodding alongside him.

"Hell no, you aren't stupid," Emmett's voice surprised me in its loudness. "We could see that when we worked with you before."

It fell quiet again, but it was less tense after Emmett's little outburst. I wondered if he'd done it purposefully to clear the air a bit. A chilly breeze was beginning to blow and rain began to fall.

"So…" I hesitated, knowing that this meeting was about to break up without a final decision being made. "La Push?"

"The rain should stop a little after midnight," Alice said.

"Come to First Beach at one," Sam spoke quickly. He looked at the others and they nodded.

"I need to bring Edward with me," I said, squeezing his hand. We had agreed to not be parted, and at this point I couldn't take being away from him anyway. Even to fulfill the job as ambassador.

"Of course," Sam was suddenly firm. He rubbed his hand across his chin. "If we're going to do this, we might as well do it right." He looked at each of us before drawing in a deep breath. "All of you should come."

xxxx

As Alice had predicted, by ten minutes after midnight the rain had slackened and drizzled away. I stopped and inhaled the cool, damp air, drinking in the feel of the night before leaving with Edward and Jasper for a quick hunt before going to La Push.

We didn't dally, each taking a deer before heading back to the house to clean up and change clothing. We were in cars and pulling up in front of the Black's house at ten minutes to one.

I gazed down at the short stretch of beach that I thought I'd never be allowed to see again. I'd found some comfort there during what had been the darkest days of my human life. I could see the shapes of the bent driftwood trees, and the curve of the large piece that I would always think of as my and Jacob's tree. The ceaseless crashing of the waves on the shore was like a balm to my brain.

We started towards the water together, only stopping to peel off our shoes and roll up our pant legs as we headed over the sand and small pebbles to the surf. Even Rosalie let her guard down, laughing as the waves washed over her feet and Emmett pretended that he was going to throw her into the ocean.

This was something that we had never enjoyed before, and this first foray onto what had been forbidden land lightened our moods. We played and strolled hand in hand at the water's edge, waiting for the pack to assemble.

I looked up at Edward. His eyes were sparkling as he raised our interlaced fingers to his lips to kiss them. "Even if nothing comes of this," he said. "Even if we are never allowed here again, I will remember you here tonight forever." He bent his head and kissed me sweetly, cupping my cheek in his hand. I smiled into his kiss and felt his lips curve in response. This small moment of stolen peace was something we'd desperately needed.

The members of the pack were arriving, all in their human aspects, which surprised me. I mentioned as much to Edward.

"Sam asked them to come as humans," he replied.

"Why?" I asked him. I didn't want them to resent us for putting them into a position where they were uncomfortable.

"We are showing them a great deal of trust by coming into the heart of their territory where we know that we're outnumbered. They must trust us as well and not depend on their wolf forms for safety."

I hadn't thought of it like that. I still thought of La Push as a second kind of home and the pack as my friends. But hearing Edward's explanation made sense. We were here, outnumbered, with the ocean at our backs. It didn't matter that we could swim away; our position let the wolves have the advantage and yet we had come willingly. It might help convince the more reluctant members of the pack that our intentions were pure. And then, suddenly, I knew what I had to do.

The Quileutes were all milling about, standing in a roughly semicircular shape around us. I kept my one hand in Edward's and stepped forward, reaching with my other for Jacob. He stiffened slightly when my flesh came into contact with his, and I had a flash of memory of how cold Edward had always felt to me. I must have felt even more so to Jacob since his body temperature was so much higher than mine had been. But the took my hand and moved to stand so that I was between him and Edward, facing the rest of the pack with my family behind us.

A breeze was blowing the salty air over us, making it easier for the two groups to stand near each other as the scents were overpowered by the smell of the ocean. The clouds were moving quickly across the sky, so that it almost felt like we were flying, standing there at the edge of the world with the moon drifting in and out behind us.

I began to speak.

I reminded them of how they knew me before and had shared their stories with me. Of how I had chosen the life I was now living. I told them of the agreement we had made before I was bitten, and how love had driven all of our actions in that regard.

I told the story of Edward's previous trip to Volterra, and the flight I had made with Alice after him to bring him back. These were things that they would already know through the pack mind, but I hoped that hearing it now – from my lips to their human ears – would make it more real and lend it all a weight that it might not have had before.

I explained about Aro, his powers, and his impending visit. About the need for us all to be seen as a family living peacefully with our surroundings, for him to know that our groups were friends and allies that neither gave nor took orders from the other, but supported each other in times of need.

It was disconcerting to have so many dark eyes trained on me, so many unreadable stoic faces focused on me, but I pressed on. Standing there between Edward and Jacob, drawing strength from both of them I tried to draw the lines that would hold us all together.

Silence fell over our group once I was finished talking. The faces of the pack were impassive, and difficult for me to read. I didn't know if I had reached any of them. There were the same friends that I had made on my many trips to La Push, but I didn't know if they would see me the same way anymore.

I tensed as Jacob dropped my hand and stepped forward. Edward drew me to his chest and kissed my hair, murmuring that I had spoken well to the group. He didn't elaborate on their thoughts, and I figured that was because they would hear him talking.

Jacob glanced back over his shoulder at Edward, who nodded his head in response to some unasked question. "Well," he said looking at Sam. "All we need to decide is who is going to go over there for the meeting, and who will stay here."


	25. Chapter 25: Communion

_Short chapter, but we're leaving for a conference and I wanted to put something up before I'm stranded without a computer for a few days. I'll be taking my notebook with me and hope to get some writing in. I don't know where this chapter came from, but apparently it was necessary since the images it gave me wouldn't leave me alone. I edited this one very quickly, so my apologies for any typos or glaring errors. I'll have to fix them later.  
_

_I have to maintain my current level of crazy somehow._

_Your mood music: Muse. Lots and lots of Muse. Just listen to the whole Absolution CD._

* * *

Chapter 25 

Jacob's question was met by stunned silence that lasted a few seconds before the night exploded in a cacophony of yells and complaints. Edward pulled me closer to him, his eyes were tight as he surveyed the members of the pack. I assumed he was watching for signs that their outbursts would not result in some of them phasing into their wolf forms. We stepped back together into line with the rest of the family.

Jacob had stepped forward to confer with Sam, the two of them speaking seriously and largely ignoring the uproar around them. We huddled together on the beach, awaiting some sort of decision. I had no idea of I'd accomplished what I set out to do, but I hoped that I had reached some of the pack at least.

Their conference over for the moment, Sam cleared his throat and called for order. "This is going to take us some time to figure out," he spoke to Carlisle. "We have one more day?"

"If he doesn't change his plans, Aro will be here around midday tomorrow, so we have the rest of today and then over night," Alice said. I glanced at Edward's watch. It was nearing 4am – a little over 24 hours left.

I could almost feel my stomach plummet to my knees. It had been quite a while since I'd experienced the sensation of nausea, but I was pretty sure that I was managing a fair rendition of it at the moment. My body may not have been able to produce all of the physiological responses to stress, but my brain was no doubt working overtime to fill in the gaps where it could. Fear is a powerful thing.

I listened closely and heard Carlisle and Sam agree to suspend all boundary lines between our group and theirs for the time being.

"But I can make no promises if one of these others comes onto our land," Sam added gravely. "We are bound to protect our people by something much older than any agreement between us today."

"I understand," Carlisle answered. "We will do our best to warn them of the boundary lines."

Sam nodded and turned back to the rest of the pack. I stared at his back for a minute, wondering if he was really as calm as he seemed. I remembered hating it when Jacob modeled his mask of calm, hiding behind it instead of letting me see what was going on inside his head.

I turned my gaze to Jacob. He was listening to what Sam had to say, but his eyes kept darting in our direction as my family began to take their leave.

"He wants us to stay here for a minute," Edward murmured into my hair. I nodded back at him to let him know that I would, and then turned to watch the surf breaking on the shore.

The sound was hypnotic, and I found myself slowly swaying back and forth with the beat of the waves. Edward looked at me curiously, and I quickly sat before I could do something as ungraceful as let myself tip right over.

"I seem to be reverting back to my human habits," I said in answer to Edward's unspoken question. He crooked an eyebrow at me, so I continued. "You know… bringing some strange vampire calamity upon us, being less graceful than any normal being in my position, making you get along with your sworn enemies…" He chucked at the last bit and lifted my hand to his lips.

"How did I ever manage without you?" he was teasing.

"I'm quite sure I don't know," I answered, laughing. It seemed that we'd moved on to a new phase of stress – denial? Or maybe a mild hysteria.

Jacob cleared his throat behind us, and I turned to see him awkwardly standing, shifting from one foot to the other. I patted the sandy ground beside me and said, "Come on Jacob. Have a seat."

His lips twitched slightly before he moved forward, seating himself at a slight distance away on my other side. We sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before my curiosity got the best of me.

"Why did you want us to stay?"

He turned to me with a smirk on his face. "I thought I'd go ahead and give you the chance to start arguing right now," he said.

"About what?"

"I'm coming to the meeting," he said smugly, leaning back on his hands like he didn't have a care in the world.

"I figured as much," I muttered under my breath. And they always teased me about putting myself in dangerous situations. Jacob wanted to be there so bad he could taste it. "Care to explain why?" I said acidly.

"Sam can't come," he answered, all playfulness thrown aside. Both Edward's and my heads snapped so we could look at him as he said that.

"Why can't he?" I wondered. I expected him to be there.

"Well, he _could_," Jacob rolled his eyes. "That's the big discussion right now. There are plenty of us who could go. Most of us think that anyone who has imprinted needs to stay behind. There's really no reason for him to come since there won't be any fighting." He rolled his eyes again. "And since I'm second I should go."

"Would imprinting make a difference in how he would handle the situation?" Edward asked.

"No, not really," Jacob began, but I interrupted him.

"Why put Emily through that?"

"Exactly," said Jacob. "And there are plenty of us who haven't imprinted on anyone so there's really no need for him to come." His breath huffed out in a sigh. "He's mad about it but once Emily hears about it he really won't be able to argue with her." Edward and I nodded silently.

Jacob looked at me and raised his eyebrows. "What? You aren't going to yell at me? Stamp your feet and tell me to stay home?" He grinned.

I was upset that he would be there, but guiltily not as upset as I should have been. I didn't want him to be in any danger, but at the same time I felt better at the idea of having him where we could watch over him and see what was going on. It made me feel stronger in a way, much stronger than I would feel with another member of the pack that I didn't know quite so well.

"Like you'd listen to a word I said anyway."

We all burst out laughing. Mild hysteria it was.

xxxx

Edward and I left La Push just as the sun was starting to rise. It looked as if we would be having one of those sunny days so rarely seen on the Olympic Peninsula.

We stuck to the wooded areas, passing close by Charlie's house on our way home. The cruiser wasn't there. He's already left to start his work day. I hoped it was a peaceful one.

We continued home and Edward sought out Carlisle and Jasper so he could fill them in on what Jacob had told us and what he had heard in the pack's thoughts. I wandered into the living room and found Alice and Rosalie sprawled across the floor playing Scrabble.

"Scrabble?" I asked with a smile.

"In Italian, no less," Rosalie answered, wrinkling her nose. "It's one of the few games where Alice can't cheat so much, as long as we put our old letters back and draw new ones for every turn."

"You can't plan out a word ahead of time, so I can't see it," she said sliding some tiles into place on the board. "Guerra, triple word score. I win this one on pure talent."

Guerra: it was a shadow over everything, including our attempts at escape.

I rattled around the house, unable to settle on an activity for any substantial length of time. I gave up trying and went to find Edward again. I found him in our room, changing into the clothing we usually wore when we went hunting.

"Going again so soon?" I said, wrapping my arms around him from behind and pressing my cheek to his back.

"I was just coming to find you to ask you if you wanted to come," he answered. I slid around him so I could look up into his face.

"You want to be at your strongest," I studied his eyes.

"If it comes to that, yes I do," he answered truthfully. "We will all be hunting some time tonight. It's the most prudent action."

I sighed, burrowing my nose into his chest so I could inhale his sweet scent. "I'll come with you."

I quickly changed my clothes and hurried down to meet him on the porch of the house. He took my hand without speaking, and together we were off into the forest. Aside from the time of day, it reminded me of that first hunt I had taken so long ago with Edward and Emmett at my side. There was that same feeling of release, of escape, that flew out of my heart as we hit the tree line and disappeared into the green. I looked over at Edward and saw my own smile mirrored on his face.

There was something in running together, hand in hand. It was like the world had been swirling in on me and I was drowning, but we had managed to break free. I wished we could run forever, far away from anything and anyone who would threaten to tear us apart. But no matter how it felt, I knew that feeling of wild freedom was deceptive. No matter how much I wanted to, we could never outrun things forever, and it was best to stop and meet them head on together.

Edward suddenly veered to the left, pulling me along as he caught the scent of some prey in the wilderness head of us. I reluctantly let go of his hand so we could focus on the hunt.

My behavior for the actual hunt had changed in the past few weeks. I remembered what Rosalie had said to me on the porch of our home in Circle so long ago, about consciously releasing yourself to the power of the hunt instead of just letting it take hold. I had been practicing this since she'd brought it to my attention, and could now see what it was that I'd been missing before.

I'd never had the presence of mind to pay much attention to Edward on a hunt before, and this time I was determined to see him in action. He had given himself over completely, and the savage intent on his face was breathtaking as much as it was fearsome to behold. I watched him as he ran forward, crouching low, and touched his fingertips to the forest floor before his muscles unlocked and he sprang at the elk that had become his target. There was something so animalistic, so primitive in the sight and the sound of his low growl as he buried his teeth in the unfortunate beast's neck. It was a different kind of beauty, and something deep inside me was responding to it even as I gave myself over to the hunt.

"You were watching me," he said after we had finished and disposed of the evidence.

"I asked you if I could do that a long time ago," I answered him. "I finally found the opportunity where I could." I bit my lip, picturing the awesome glory if Edward on the hunt.

"There's something about that, isn't there?" he caught my lips with his own before taking my hand and beginning to run again.

I followed him blindly, trying to still the emotions that seeing him like that had unleashed inside of me. I had been married to him for nearly a year, and yet my feelings for him, my _need_ of him only grew stronger as I learned more about him. I bit the fleshy part of my hand under my thumb as I ran, trying to focus on anything that wasn't the man in front of me.

He stopped abruptly and turned, crashing his lips against mine with a brutal intensity that he'd never used before. I clung to him just as fiercely, only dimly realizing that he'd brought us to the meadow. All of the emotions that I'd been trying to force down grew too large and came flying out of my chest as I broke our kiss, sobbing into the night. He crushed me to him, holding me tightly as he sank to the earth.

I must have sounded like a wild animal. There weren't words to express what I was trying to say, but guttural wailing and half choked cries escaped my throat as I tried to tell him what I needed him to hear. He caught my face in his hands and leaned his forehead against mine, whispering, "I know Bella. I know," over and over.

My outburst stilled, we sat wrapped around each other, breathing in as if we'd been running a marathon. I stared into his eyes, and saw that he did know what I'd been trying to say. We were both tumbling over and over in the slipstream of fate, grappling to hang on to each other.

His lips crushed mine again, and I opened myself to him as we poured out our fears and desires in wordless communion. His hands gripped me roughly, his lips and tongue desperate against my own. My hands scrabbled against his flesh, as if I were trying to pull off pieces and bring them into myself. I couldn't bring him close enough, couldn't hold him tight enough to my heart.

Our desperation began to merge into passion, and I was swept up again in my need for Edward. It began to rain, the drops streaking our faces like tears would have been in any other circumstances. I wound my fingers into his hair, melding myself to him while he tugged at our clothing, tearing it easily from our bodies. Anything between us was too much.

His mouth moved along my neck, and I whimpered as he nipped at me with his teeth. I felt an urge to possess and be possessed by him that I had never felt before. If I could have climbed inside his skin, I would have. My hands moved feverishly against his chest. I stroked muscles that I'd already memorized, following with my teeth and tongue as I made my way along his body, tasting and touching him. The rain enhanced his natural scent, and I buried myself in him, practically wallowing in his arms. And it still wasn't enough.

We were talking to each other in low voices, wordless sounds that spoke in a language as old as time. I couldn't understand a word of what either of us said, but I knew exactly what we were saying, and I felt the strings that tethered me to the world begin to loosen. Gravity ceased to exist, and Edward was the only thing that was keeping me from flying away into nothing.

I was consumed by fire. No need for blood had ever been or could ever be as strong as my need for Edward at that moment. As he entered me I felt as if my soul opened up; I was the in the nucleus of the world; the universe was rushing through me and I in turn poured all of it back into him. I found hope there, in the center of everything where I couldn't tell where I ended and he began. Our bodies shuddered, meeting again and again as we found the rest of ourselves in each other.

Tomorrow was hours away, but we had everything we needed right there in the night.


	26. Chapter 26: Impasse

_Author's note at the end._

_Your mood music: Primus – Here Come the Bastards_

* * *

_Chapter 26_

It was a role reversal of sorts. So many times in my past it had been me trying to convince Edward that I was ready for some new situation, some new step that I was willing to take that he didn't think I was quite ready for. And this time it was the complete opposite. I feared that I wasn't ready, but I had no choice. And Edward, my rock, was holding my hands and insisting that I was stronger than I ever dreamed of and that I was capable of handling this latest trial in my life.

And ready or not, I had no choice. Alice saw Aro bringing a human with him, and I had little doubt that she was wrong about this. He knew that his gesture would be unwelcome, his little welcome to vampirism "gift" would not be well received in our vegetarian family, but that was exactly his point. Aro's visit was about more than me. I just happened to be the weakest link in his argument.

Edward stroked my face with the palms of his hands and leaned his forehead against mine, willing me to believe his words. "Bella, you can do this. You have phenomenal control compared to other newborns, and your first year is nearly over so your instincts are less than they were."

"But Edward," I clutched at his wrists. "I wanted to go after Charlie, _my own father._ What kind of chance does some random stranger have when I wanted to go after my own flesh and blood?" My voice broke on the word _blood_, and I wished vainly that my abhorrence of the substance had carried over into this lifetime. It could have been so easy. But when had any of this been easy?

It has been easy to fall in love. I couldn't have stopped myself even if I had wanted to. It took hold of me, changing and shaping me even before Edward's bite. And even now, even with everything that was happening, I wouldn't dream of any other life. It was unfathomable.

I leaned into Edward, grazing his lips with my own as I said, "Even now I wouldn't change a thing."

He returned my kiss gently before he pulled back to reassure me once again. "You can do this Bella. Just hold tight to us, stop your breathing, and hang on to your sense of who you are. I know you can."

I gazed into his eyes: the golden pools full of love and trust seemed to buoy my sagging spirit. I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. It wasn't like I'd never seen Aro before, and it wasn't like I had never faced temptation before. Sure, this was an entirely different sphere of fear and desire, but if I could just keep hold of my focus I might make it though in one piece.

In all reality, I had no choice anyway.

Alice bounded down the stairs, a faintly sour expression on her face. "The wolves will be here in a few minutes," she said, biting the inside of her cheek. "After that everything disappears, but we know that much anyway."

She came over to me and wrapped her small arms around my middle, squeezing me tightly. "I wish I could see, Bella. I wish I could tell you…" she broke off, unable to say anymore.

It was my turn to comfort instead of being comforted. "It's OK Alice. I know you'd look if you could. And I know that you'll do whatever you can to help me get through this." I kissed the spiky black top of her head. "We're all in this together. We'll come through." I hugged her back just as hard as she was hugging me.

Edward wrapped his arms around both of us, and there we stood until Jasper came in search of Alice.

"It's almost time."

xxxx

We came out of the house to find Jacob packing back and forth on the porch, his hands clenched into fists behind his back. His head shot up at the sound of the opening door and his eyes quickly found mine. They seemed darker than they had been, nearly black with worry. His mask of composure was gone for the time being; his forehead creased, and he gnawed at his lip as I had myself so many times in the past.

The sight of him, so large and yet so small at the same time, made me feel as if everything was draining out of my head and into the pit of my stomach. I tried hard to let go of that what-have-I-brought-upon-us feeling that I had been carrying around for so long, and felt Jasper's calming influence along with his hand on my shoulder.

My friends, my family, my love… they all surrounded me even though none of us knew what the consequences would be. No one ran, no one stepped away. If I learned nothing else from this encounter, I was now sure of my place in all of their lives.

Edward reached out and shook Jacob's hand briefly before I took it in mine so that I was between them as I'd been down on First Beach. None of us said anything, words would be inadequate, but I squeezed their hands and felt it in return as we descended the steps into the clearing.

We gathered together in front of the house. Embry came to take Alice's hand, Leah took Rosalie's, and Seth came to stand with Esme. And there we stood, hand in hand, waiting.

We didn't wait long.

I saw movement in the trees at the edge of the clearing and convulsively clamped down on Edward's hand. I closed my eyes, preparing to take one last breath of the sweet spring air before I stopped my breathing.

Edward's voice was low as he murmured words of encouragement. I pulled on both his and Jacob's hands to bring them close to me and whispered, "If I lose it, if I go after him, take me down. Don't let me hurt him. Hurt me first. Take me down." I heard Jacob hiss in disapproval as he jerked back upright.

"You will be fine, Bella." Edward was soothing. "We'll keep you safe and whole." He lifted my hand to brush a kiss on the back of it before he straightened up.

The trees were parting and I stopped breathing. The black and gray cloaks appeared and I began chanting to myself. Hang on to Bella. Be strong. Be strong.

I closed my eyes for one last second of peace before I heard Aro's laughter ring out over the clearing.

He was walking toward us, so graceful he appeared to be floating over the uneven ground. He was surrounded by his guard, clasping his hands in front of his chest in delight. I was once again struck by his appearance. Not vampire beautiful, but with oddly perfect features that were unattainable by nature alone. I wondered if he'd always looked that way or if I was seeing the effects of aging on the ageless. His chalky face was wreathed in a hideous smile as though he were some grand uncle come to pay a visit to his favorite relatives.

"Well met! Well met my dear Carlisle. And you have the wolves with you! Holding hands with them, how marvelous! Marcus will be so upset to have missed this."

I remembered Marcus, a similarly dead faced companion of Aro's in Volterra. I couldn't imagine him registering any emotion aside from boredom.

I ripped my eyes from Aro to study the vampires that had come with him for the journey. I recognized only a few. His darling little Jane was at his side, along with Felix and Dimetri who had come to Forks immediately after the fight with Victoria. The rest of the twenty some odd vampires who accompanied with him were unfamiliar to me.

Jane had a hold of the human who was with them. He was young and tough looking, bearing the look of someone who had been living on the streets for a long time. In some unknown way, he reminded me of the girl Bree. He kept staring at Jane, giving her admiring glances which she used to her advantage. It was sickening to watch.

"Aro," Carlisle stepped forward to take Aro's clasped hands in his own. "Alice saw you coming to se us so we came out to meet you."

"Ah yes, little Alice," Aro's eyes skipped to her. "She does have a most interesting and useful talent." He smiled but it did not reach his eyes.

"And your little family has increased, has it not?" He looked over at me, his milky red eyes giving me an appraising once over. I felt Edward tense beside me, likely at whatever was running through his mind. "The lovely Bella, so appropriately named." His eyes turned to Jacob, traveling up and down his frame. I saw the tip of his tongue poke out and run across his upper lip. "Who seems to have a rather…" he paused as his eyes raked Jacob again, "tall young friend." I felt Jacob shudder slightly in revulsion next to me, and Aro's high pitched titter floated over us again.

"Caius was so sure that you had some peculiar arrangement here, and now I can see just how you were able to take down that army so easily. With such brawn at your disposal, it would hardly be a challenge."

Jacob had been extremely still next to me, but at these words he began to tremble slightly. I gripped his hand harder in mine and shot him a glance. His shoulders were still tense, but he quieted, muttering a soft "Thanks," under his breath.

"Aro may I present to you some of our friends from the Quileute pack," Carlisle spoke as if he was oblivious to the tension in the air around us. "While they are hardly at our disposal, they are friends of our family and I feel honored to have worked with them in that particular campaign."

"Yes, of course," Aro murmured, seemingly to himself as his eyes rested briefly on each of his. His guard stood around him, some of them pointedly wrinkling their noses at our relationship.

It was quiet for a moment, and then Aro regained his former exuberance, clapping his hands together once again. "Oh but where are my manners? We have a gift for our dear Bella," he smiled again and Jane stepped forward with the boy. Edward clenched his jaw and growled low in his throat.

"Aro, I believe you are aware of my family's philosophy?" Carlisle's voice was less accommodating but he still maintained his air of polite deference.

"Of course Carlisle," Aro's expression was malicious as his eyes fell on me once again. "I did consider that Bella might also have turned away from her true nature and would be attempting your idealistic practices. But I also maintain that one cannot make a true choice until she has explored all of the options available to her." He paused, and gave a calculating look at Edward. "Even your remarkable Edward didn't fully aspire to your idea of restraint until he went through his own period of experimentation and embracing his true nature."

"My true nature, as you call it, was one of the darkest periods of my existence," Edward spoke while barely moving his jaw. "And Bella made her choice philosophically, without needing to stoop to base physical reactions to understand the difference between good and easy." He had angled his body so that he stood slightly between me and Aro, and I closed my eyes and held on to him, tugging at his hand to bring him back into line with the rest of us.

I felt Jacob once again trembling next to me and then the wave of calm as Jasper attempted to diffuse the situation somewhat.

"You have indoctrinated him well, haven't you?" Aro was once again musing to himself, seemingly oblivious to the fact that all of us could hear his words. Jane was glaring at Edward, and I wrapped my arm around him just in case she might try to attack him. She hissed in frustration.

"What's that Jane, dear?" Aro said absently, turning to look at her face. Her angelic features were twisted in fury as she glared at us. He then swung back to examine me with a gleam in his eye.

"Bella's gift has become apparent then?" He licked his lips in anticipation, and over his shoulder I saw Felix quirk an eyebrow in my direction.

"Bella's mind was always private to her before her change," Carlisle answered him carefully. "And now we have found that she is able to share this privacy in some ways. We are still exploring how this works for her." He didn't elaborate farther.

"Surely you must know that with a gift of this magnitude I must offer her a place in my little… _family_," he crooned. "We can help her explore this gift and develop it, along with other appetites."

Jacob began to quiver next to me again, and I tugged on his arm to try to still him. He clenched his jaw in response.

"Bella," he drifted over to stand opposite me. "I have yet to hear your melodious voice, and I wish you to answer for yourself in this matter. I am offering you a place in my court, and will treat you as my own child." His eyes bored into mine, and I could hardly believe my ears. After all that he knew he was still under the delusion that I might say yes to him?

"Aro, I hardly think that's necessary at this time," Carlisle began, but stilled as Aro held up his hand.

"From Miss Bella if you will," his voice was steely and menacing.

Unthinking, I drew in a breath to tell him, _scream at him_, that I would never come to Volterra. I would never see him as a father, and I would never leave Edward's side. I had forgotten the human boy still standing slightly dazzled next to Jane until his incredible scent permeated my senses.

I felt as if my brain was separated from the rest of me as I tried to hold on to myself even as my body reacted instinctively to him, leaping from my space in the line. I felt Edward tackle me to the ground and heard Rosalie's voice in my ear, telling me that I didn't have to do it, that I was stronger than they believed, and that I could get up and walk away from temptation.

I struggled against them and against myself at the same time, sheared in half by desire and torment, mewling and hissing while I tried to claw my way across the ground.

"Listen to yourself, Bella," Alice's voice cut through the haze and I was shocked to realize the words pouring out of my mouth even as I struggled.

"Don't let me. I can't. I don't want to," over and over my brain was trying to tell my body what to do. Even when I didn't fully comprehend it, the monster inside of me was being beaten down but the goodness to which we all aspired. A bright beam of hope shot through me, and I grasped hold of it and ceased my struggles.

"Don't let me up," I said quickly as they began to relax above me. "Hold on to me." Wave after wave of his intoxicating scent washed over me with every breath, and I clenched my jaw against it, willing to see him as a person. He would not survive his encounter with the Volturi, their rules would prevent that. But I would not be the cause of his demise.

Aro rocked forward, crossing his arms over his chest in glee as he began to laugh once again. "Oh this is extraordinary. The amount of denial that extends from your diet to cross species friendships…"

Suddenly, the world seemed to explode into a whirl of dust and debris. I heard Edward shout "Jacob no!" as I was picked up and tossed to the side like so much baggage. No one was holding me from the human boy anymore, but it hardly mattered as I searched through the chaos for Edward. Vampire sight was barely an asset when all of the movement around me was so fast. I was unaccustomed to watching vampires fighting in anything but play, and could hardly follow their movements enough to see who had the upper hand.

I found Esme and clung to her, reaching out with my mind to wrap my arms around each of my family and friends. If I could only bring them to my meadow, maybe I could keep them safe.

"Enough!" Aro's voice roared over us, and everyone reflexively froze at the inherent command it contained. The dust settled and his insane laughter once again hovered over the clearing.

My mouth fell open and I bit my hand to still my scream as I found him, lying on the ground with his feet planted in Jacob's stomach. Jacob had phased, his sharp wolf's teeth poised right over Aro's throat. Aro's hands were buried in the fur at Jacob's throat. A simple movement by either one of them could end the life of the other.

Aro's demented smile seemed to stretch his face out of normal proportions as he watched all of us become aware of his situation, and he paused in his laughter to say, "My, my. This is a delicious impasse isn't it?"

* * *

_Please don't kill me! _

_It's my birthday and I wanted to post something. Not to fear, the next chapter is already in the works. It shouldn't be too long._


	27. Chapter 27: Choices

_I have learned my lesson the hard way! Leave a big cliffhanger like that and you and everyone in your house will be struck down with the flu. And there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth, and the laundry will grow until you swear it will need to be rezoned for its own zip code._

_I'm still not in top form, but am less medicated enough that this is coming out somewhat better than it was before. I'm still not entirely satisfied with it, but I'm afraid if I wait any longer the thread will be gone. You don't even want to see what the Nyquil version of this looked like._

_More at the end. For now, your mood music: Muse – Newborn._

* * *

Chapter 27 

Shock rooted everyone to the ground, and we all stood as frozen statues, listening to Aro's insane laughter as it drifted over us. He seemed to have come unhinged, and looked as if he were reveling in his circumstances. His fingers poised right around Jacob's jugular, he didn't even notice the twitching pieces of the vampire scattered around him. Jacob must have torn through one of the guard to get to him.

The fighting that had been so thick only moments before was completely stilled. The combatants broken apart, standing with their arms limp at their sides and their faces frozen in various aspects of horror. I could feel wave after wave of calm sweep over us, and knew that Jasper was trying desperately to bring us back to peace. It didn't seem to do anything. Aro's apparent break with reality had thrown everyone off balance, and no one seemed inclined to make any decisive movement.

I swept my eyes over the clearing, looking for signs of obvious injury. Aside from the still wriggling pieces of vampire surrounding Jake and Aro, no one appeared to be harmed at all. Leah, Seth, and Embry were all in their werewolf aspects, and must have phased right after Jacob did. My still heart leapt in my chest as I saw Edward standing whole and unharmed near Felix. His shirt was torn, but I couldn't see any other damage.

Neither Jacob nor Aro moved, and neither seemed willing to give up his position.

Carlisle's voice was quiet, nearly tender as he spoke. "Gentlemen, what can we do to resolve this situation?"

Aro giggled once more, and replied, "It is rather dramatic isn't it? His teeth at my throat, my hands in his – I can feel the blood rushing under his fur. It's a pity it isn't palatable, and it would be such a waste to destroy this kind of power."

His words broke the spell that bound us a little, and the groups began to slowly drift to each other again, theirs on one side and ours on the other. I sighed as Edward's arms slipped around my waist, and the smell of the human washed over me once again. I clenched my teeth against it and willed myself to look at him.

He was sitting off to the side, unharmed, and didn't seem to register anything that was going on around him. His eyes were twirling slowly, unfocused on anything. One slender line of drool dripped from the corner of his mouth, which was stretched in a wide clown smile that looked more like a grimace. This, I realized, was a normal person's reaction to vampires and people bursting into werewolves in front of their eyes. I felt a rush of pity for him and grabbed hold of it, anything that would help me see him as a person instead of a meal. I had managed, barely, to suppress my urges once already, and that success bolstered my hope. It was another small measure comfort to note that my own tendencies to behave outside of established norms might help me resist him again.

I tore my eyes back to Jacob. I couldn't read his facial expression as a wolf, but his eyes were a flat black and his ears were lowered close to his head. His upper lip was twitching, and I imagined that being so close to something tasted as bad as Aro surely did that to him was not pleasant. He made a low sound at the back of his throat, but did not move.

"Jacob is willing to let go and back away," Edward said, translating.

"Ah but it's not up to Jacob, now is it?" Aro's voice was suddenly venomous. "Of course, he's gotten himself into this little mess here, but it's only because he was being true to his nature."

"You refuse to let him go?" Carlisle spoke carefully. I closed my eyes at his words and buried my face in Edward's chest as his arms tightened around me. I couldn't bear to see Jacob hurt.

"That will not work, my hair-bound friend," Aro was speaking directly to Jacob. I felt Edward tense as he pulled me closer to him.

"We have forgotten that Aro can hear Jacob while his hands are on him," he murmured, more to remind the rest of us than anything else.

"Yes, it is convenient at times. And the pack mind is simply fascinating," Aro seemed to have forgotten all about the teeth at his throat. I heard Leah growling low behind me in response.

"You said that it's not up to Jacob," Carlisle attempted to bring us back to the matter at hand. "What are your requirements?"

"Why Carlisle, I have no other motives. I simply need Bella to answer my question. I require an answer, from her, as to whether she would like to become a member of my little family and explore her true nature and all it has to offer a woman of her extraordinary talents. I can't even fault this Jacob here," his fingers twitched on Jacob's throat, and I felt pain lance through me at the idea of his being harmed. "He is only being true to his nature. _This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man,_" he giggled again.

"She just has to answer you?" Edward asked.

"Yes, answer," he paused and licked his lips. "And accept or reject my gift to her."

A simple yes or no answer would not be enough for Aro. He would require action of some sort to go along with my answer. I could almost feel my heart beating hummingbird fast at his words. It didn't matter that it had stopped nearly a year ago. This moment had been preordained since we stood in that circular room in Volterra so long ago. Our lives were balanced on the edge of a knife, or a razor sharp tooth, and no extra ability or fighting skill would influence the outcome. Like so many things had been in my life, it came down to a simple, or not so simple, matter of will.

"I have to return his gift," I murmured, more to myself than to anyone else. I would have to face one of my worst fears since becoming a vampire. I could not, would not, let myself harm a human being.

I felt Edward's head bow over mine. "His name is George," he whispered. I pressed my face into Edward's shirt and breathed deeply, inhaling his sweet scent before stopping my breathing again.

I raised my head, and turned to face him. He was only a half a dozen steps away, much closer than I had been to any human since my change.

I had to concentrate on my feet to move slowly as I approached him. _George. His name is George. _His unfocused eyes swirled in my direction as I moved closer to him, his matted hair falling back from his face as he attempted to look up at me. "Ah heh!" he barked a single hoarse laugh and I seized hold of the pity I felt for him as it shot through me again. George, this boy: who had a family somewhere that he would never see again; who had been subjected to more horrors over the last half hour than most humans would experience in their entire lifetime; who would never go home.

I clenched my jaw, struggling to hang on to this sense of _George_, a boy, an entity with life and meaning… a soul.

I had come to a stop, staring at him as if I could will him to walk away from me. I watched, fascinated, as another small pool of salvia began to collect at the corner of his mouth and drip downward, suspended on a silvery thread that began to stretch toward the ground.

I could snap like that thread. I could take him and taste him, feed on him and hand myself over to the whims of Aro in the process. He was going to die anyway. Aro would never let him live after all he'd seen. Edward would forgive me. He always forgave me, even if I could never forgive myself.

Edward. He always said that he could never have forgiven himself if he had taken me that day in our Biology classroom. My eyes must look like his did, black as pitch and filled with hatred. But it wasn't the boy I hated. It was the choice.

And it was a choice. I could choose differently. I could find something inside myself that was stronger than my new physical nature. I could turn away from the fire that raged in my throat and dwell instead on the peace that would fill my days.

What is right, and what is easy? Is it easier to give in to physical needs that only last for a short time, and then have to be satisfied again and again? Or is it easier to deny some of those needs, so that the mind can be relaxed and satisfied with the self as a whole?

If I looked at it that way, what was easy was also what was right.

I could beat down my instincts and refuse to act on them. I had done it as a human, and I could do it now.

All of these thoughts crossed my brain in the time it took for that single pearl of saliva to stretch to the end of its tether and break, falling to the ever growing wet patch on the leg of George's jeans. George: who was a boy who would not be permitted to live; who I could not save, no matter how much I wanted to; who I could not kill.

Grinding my teeth together hard enough to break my jaw, I reached out to him and took his hand to pull him to his feet. It was warm with his life, and I let go of it quickly before it could be my undoing, pushing him gently on the small of his back so he would walk toward Jane. I used the last of the air I had stored in my lungs to say clearly to Aro, "No thank you," before I collapsed upon myself, trembling with the war that raged between my body and my mind. I wrapped my arms around my legs, clenching them to me. My only hope was to freeze. If I moved he would surely die at my hands.

I felt Edward drop to the ground next to me. He took me in his arms, shushing my cries and rubbing my back in soothing circles. My hands were stones locked together. I couldn't let go of myself for fear of coming apart at the seams.

"They'll kill him anyway, Edward. They won't let him live and it's all for nothing anyway." I felt like I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but the sound that came out was only the barest whisper. "It's too much like her. Like Bree was before. They'll just kill him and it will all be worth nothing! They wouldn't even have brought him here if it wasn't for me."

"No they wouldn't have," Edward's voice was low and soothing. "His number was up the moment they saw him. They would have fed on him there and tossed him aside. _You cannot take the blame for this._"

"I would not believe this if I had not seen it with my own eyes." Aro's voice cut through our discussion and I remembered the rest of the world outside of my own struggle.

Aro's hands were still buried in Jacob's throat, and Jacob's teeth were still at Aro's neck. Neither one had moved with my release of the boy. I had made my choice, but we were still balanced on that point, waiting for something to fall.

"Aro?" Carlisle's voice was questioning as we waited for some sort of movement, some sign that he accepted my refusal.

"It makes no sense, don't you see?" his voice was pleading. "It goes against all of nature and the true order of things. It's denial of the highest order…" he trailed off, bewildered.

"Aro, we have had this discussion many times before, and I would be happy to continue it inside if you wish, under more comfortable circumstances." Carlisle attempted to reason with him.

Seconds ticked by with no movement and no sound.

Suddenly, Jacob pulled away from Aro's neck and sat down on his haunches with a huff. Aro had not let go of his grip and was pulled upright by the movement, but Jacob gave no indication of being aware that he had just placed his life completely in the hands of a madman.

"Jacob?" my voice cracked. How could he do this now, after everything that had just happened?

"He says that he has nothing to lose," Edward said quietly. Jacob growled in response. "Ok," Edward amended. "He says that he already lost the most important thing a long time ago, and that if this is what it takes to keep you safe then he has nothing more to lose."

"Jacob…" my voice caught in my throat. He didn't move, but sat there, resolute, waiting for Aro to let go, or to end it all.

"You would go against your nature as well?" Aro questioned him.

The world was swirling around me, threatening to crush me under its weight. It felt like too much to stand aside and watch. "Some things are stronger than nature," I finally found my voice. "Some things mean more."

Aro stood there for another immeasurable moment. It could have been 30 seconds or it could have been 30 years. Time seemed to stand still as we watched the expressions flit across his face. He opened his mouth several times to begin to speak, only to close it with a snap. Until finally, he dropped his hands and stepped away.

* * *

_Thanks so much for your reviews! I've been trying to respond to them more consistently, but with the flu I fell far behind and it was either write this or respond. So please, if you didn't get a reply I apologise. I did read your review and appreciate it very much!_

_I was laughing at the amount of emails I got either begging me to kill or save either Aro or Jacob. Here's my position on them – and perhaps that will explain the direction this went. -- They belong to Stephenie, and are not mine to kill. Sorry if that disappoints you. I did kill off an unnamed Vampire of my own invention, so Jacob did get to rip one up. I'm sure he enjoyed that. Consider it like Star Trek - you only kill off the ensign.  
_


	28. Chapter 28: Stregoni Benefici

_I've had the worst writer's block, and I didn't know why. But then it hit me – in the real books (which I don't own and am doing my best to emulate) there's the big scene and then one more chapter before the epilogue. That would be this one. Last chapter. So that's why it's been a hard time coming. _

_And so now, to the last chapter of the story that brought me to fanfiction in the first place…_

* * *

_Aro stood there for another immeasurable moment. It could have been 30 seconds or it could have been 30 years. Time seemed to stand still as we watched the expressions flit across his face. He opened his mouth several times to begin to speak, only to close it with a snap. Until finally, he dropped his hands and stepped away._

Chapter 28

His action was met with an explosion of silence. That's the only way to describe the sudden hush that fell over everything. Nothing moved. It was as if we'd all simultaneously exhaled and none of us had the reserves to draw in another breath. More than that, it was as if all the sound had been sucked out of the world.

We remained frozen for a beat or two, and then a breeze blew across the clearing, rustling the branches of the evergreens and releasing the tensions that bound us in place. Edward might not believe it if I said it aloud, but it felt like the breath of God washing over us. It was a sigh of approval.

Contrary to me and my family, Aro stiffened in the breeze, seeming to come back to himself from wherever his mind had been dallying. He stared balefully across the gap in our direction, not stopping his eyes to focus on any one person. He drew his lips tight across his teeth, the corners turned down in the hint of a frown, and tipped his head back slightly so that he was looking down his nose at us. "Insanity!" he snapped, and turned on his heel to glide across the clearing.

Carlisle called after him, but Aro ignored his entreaty with a wave of dismissal at his back, not even stopping to turn his head. The other vampires who had come with us looked uncertainly at his retreating form for the barest instant, before drawing themselves up to their full height and sweeping off. The only direct response came from Jane, who turned to glare at us for a split second before whirling around and following on the heels of her master.

"It seems we've been excommunicated," Edward said dryly.

And just like that, they were gone.

It didn't make any sense. How could he just leave like that? After all the fear and worry his visit brought to us, how could he just turn and walk away?

I shook my head to try to clear it. The colors of the already too bright day took on an unearthly glow and seemed to grow even more solid.

I saw Edward's mouth moving at me soundlessly and squinted at him as if by doing so I would be able to make his voice appear and match the movement of his lips. I stared blankly at their movement, trying to puzzle out what he might be trying to say to me. In some distant part of myself I understood that I must be experiencing the vampiric version of a faint. My mind had reached maximum capacity for the time being and was simply shutting down parts of itself as a means of self preservation.

I tried to turn my head to examine some motion off to the side, but couldn't get my muscles to work accordingly. In a breath, one of Edward's hands was on my face while his other arm wrapped around my body, holding me still and secure. His hand cupped my chin gently, his fingers lightly caressing my cheek. I focused on the sensation, the tingling warmth that always sped through me at his touch, and came back into myself.

"Bella," Edward's voice was beginning to come into focus, faint and beautiful, and I smiled in response.

"She's coming around," Alice's voice lilted over me and I turned to smile in her direction. I was still a bit bleary and confused, and searched out each of my family members. We were all standing close to each other once again, drawing together as the last of the strain eked away.

"How could they just leave?" I asked the question that had sent me over the edge. "After everything, how could they just leave?"

Edward laughed harshly, shaking his head in disbelief even as he said, "Aro has excommunicated us."

"But what's that supposed to mean? How…" I couldn't begin to straighten my thoughts into any form of coherency.

"Aro has always had difficulties in understanding any point of view but his own," Carlisle answered. "You would imagine that his gift, his ability to see the thought processes of others, would afford him some kind of empathy, but this has always been the case with him. Our lifestyle, our family bonds – to him they are simply unfathomable." He drew Esme closer to him, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the top of her head.

"He has decided that we are no longer his concern," Edward dropped his hand from my cheek and wrapped his other arm around me. "As he left he was formulating stories of what had happened here, and how things would be handled."

"Does that mean they're coming after us?" Emmett sounded shocked. "Why would they do that when they were already right here and they outnumbered us already?" He too tugged Rosalie closer to his body, as if protecting her from harm.

"His thoughts were not going in that direction," Edward answered him, holding up a hand briefly to still his questions before wrapping it around my waist again.

"He's planned to tell them that we're no longer vampires," Alice leaned her head back against Jasper's chest, her eyes closed. "He has decided to recommend that a vampire be defined as a being who feeds on humankind, and as such we are not included in that definition. Therefore, we would no longer have protection under their laws, and would be treated as any other nonhuman." She furrowed her brow, smiling with half of her mouth as she continued, "I can't decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing."

"What do you mean you're not vampires? That doesn't make any kind of sense." Jake spoke suddenly. I turned to see that he had phased back to his human form, and had found a pair of gray sweatpants to wear. Leah, Seth, and Embry were all still in their wolf aspects, and I imagined they had no other clothing hidden close by to change in to.

"What about the wolves?" I turned back to Edward. "Jake attacked Aro, is he going to just let that go?" It didn't seem like his usual strategy to be so forgiving.

"That was part of what took him so long to let go of Jacob's throat," Edward answered me but was looking at Jake. "He plans to tell them of how he was attacked but reached a standoff, your submission to his will, and his gracious pardoning of you."

Jake sucked air through his teeth, wrinkling his nose at the thought of this. "Do you think I could still catch up to him?" he muttered, scratching his chest in irritation. Anger welled through me as I remembered what he had done; his blatant disregard for his own life. I left Edward's side, and stomped over to smack him on the arm.

"OW! What was that for?" He looked honestly confused.

"What do you mean what was that for?" I yelled, still letting my anger carry my actions. "Are you insane? How could you do that?"

"I wouldn't really go after him, Bells," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Not that," I hissed. I wanted to smack him again, just for that. "What did you mean, backing off and letting him hang on your throat like that?"

"Relax," he grinned waving his hand. "I was all strategy. One of us had to move or we'd probably still be there. He," Jake pointed at Jasper, "kept going on and on about their honor and all. It was a pretty safe bet that he would have to let go of me if I let go first. Especially after what you did with the boy they brought." He chuckled to himself. "That totally blew the old guy's mind."

"It did, didn't it," Emmett laughed and bumped fists with Jake. I just glared at him.

"What about what you said?" I asked him, trying to keep the anger out of my voice as I gritted my teeth. "Having nothing to lose… was that all strategy too?" I wanted it to be strategy. I didn't know if I could handle it if he would really be willing to die just to keep me safe.

Jake ceased his laughing and looked at me, carefully, as if he were trying to decide how best to answer my question. He bowed his head, scratching absently on the back of his neck as he began, "Well you see… Bells…"

"No you see Jacob Black!" I burst out, my anger getting the best of me once again. "I don't see how you got the idea that I was worth so much. You have yourself and your whole tribe to look out for. You have to run into someone and imprint on them, and do all the things you were supposed to do before any of this happened." My voice lost its fire as I spoke and Jake looked up at me. His dark eyes were serious as he stared at me.

"Sure sure." His lips curved in the ghost of a smile. "I can do that."

"And we can be friends?" I asked him. "We won't be here in Forks, not for a long time anyway, but we can be friends."

His smile became real. "Always," he said firmly.

"Hey!" Emmett suddenly shouted, causing all of us to whirl in place to lok at him. He looked a little embarrassed at his outburst, and rubbed his hand sheepishly though his hair before he continued. "We aren't vampires anymore. You know what that means, don't you?"

"What?" I asked him, mystified.

"It means that you," he pointed to Jake, Leah, Embry, and Seth. "Can't go around calling us your mortal enemies anymore. You _have_ to be our friends." He laughed. "I bet we don't even smell bad anymore, huh?" He walked over to Seth, elbowing him on the shoulder. "Go on, smell me. Flowers and perfume, huh?"

Seth took one grudging sniff at Emmett before his breath whooshed out in that strange chortling sound that seemed to be laughter.

"He says you might give yourself another name, but you still smell like ick with a layer of nasty," Edward supplied, chuckling.

"I can handle not being a vampire anymore," Rosalie said after all the laughter had died down. "But what are we going to call ourselves? I don't know how to describe it, but changing our name… it means something more."

"Like we're redefining ourselves," Esme supplied. "It feels like it, but I'm afraid of getting too caught up in it. Changing what we call ourselves won't make it any easier to be around humans. It won't make our struggles any less, and it won't impact our lifestyle, really."

"I know," Rosalie said quietly, biting on her full lower lip. "It won't change anything really, but it will change how I feel about it. Even if it doesn't change it much, it's still good."

"So what are we now?" Emmett asked. We all looked at Carlisle. As the father of our group, it was only fitting that he should be the one to name us.

He looked at each of us, and then closed his eyes, deep in thought. "Welllll…" he drew the word out, giving himself more time. "I was given another name once. It might be fitting of us all to use it."

Edward began nodding his head in agreement. "It fits well," he agreed. I looked up at him questioning and he smiled gently down at me. "You found it once, when you were trying to research us, before you knew for sure."

"If it's what I think it is, then it is perfect," Esme smiled.

"_Stregoni Benefici," _Carlisle said with a smile. We all smiled in response. It did fit well. It was a new outlook on our new lives together.

Esme was right; it would not make our struggles any less difficult, or our lifestyle any easier. We would still face the same temptations, and have the same rules when it came to letting humans know about our existence.

But Rosalie was right too. It was hard to live life going against our most base natures, but together as a family we had faced them and would continue to face them. A positive state of mind can make all the difference. And every little bit helps.

* * *

_It's short, but that's it._

_Fear not, there will be an epilogue, and then a couple of random outtakes that never fit in with the rest of it. It's been a wild, wild ride my friends. I never imagined this kind of response. Never, even in my best dreams._

_Extra thanks to Niamh929, and vjgm for kicking my butt and making me write; and providing endless entertainment with stories of sexy vampires and bartenders both real and imagined. Ladies, I appreciate it more than you know._


	29. Epilogue

**_Super long author's note that's probably longer than the actual chapter (ok, not really):_**

_Finally. I don't know. I thought an epilogue would be good, but it felt so done after that last chapter, and then I got pregnant and spent the next 5 weeks getting to know my plumbing intimately. So yes... This is what I'm good for now._

_It amazes me that even though I've been gone for so long, I continue to get favorites and reviews, not to mention PMs from the many people wishing me well. Y'all are much too kind. How do you even find me? I know these stories haven't been on the front page in FOREVER. Crazy. But thank you, everyone. I've escaped hyperemesis after having it twice before, so this pregnancy is indeed a miracle and I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things and picking up my writing brain once again._

_Fear not Spectrum people - I'm talking to you._

_So anyway, let's call this one complete. This epilogue wrote itself, but didn't have much steam because I'm out of the habit of writing fluff. Need to find that kernal in my brain again and get it to sprout. Short short, but enjoy. It's purpose is to let you know that everyone is happily ever after, so I hope you take that away with you._

_Thanks so much to my friends who have put up with my moaning so far. I repay you in ultrasound pictures, and possibly bacon. All of you who are in the thick of exams - good luck! _

* * *

Epilogue

The leather creaked as I shifted slightly in my seat. The rain, usually an ever present mist, was pounding on the roof of the car, providing a dull thudding backbeat to the music playing over the stereo. I sat still once again, watching the reflection of the brake lights of the car head of us on the blacktop road.

"The ferry is late," Edward murmured as he absently drummed his long pale fingers on the steering wheel.

"That might be why Alice told you to take your time on the drive." I turned to him and winked sarcastically, trying not to laugh outright at his frustration.

"She would prefer to be cryptic instead of telling me outright, wouldn't she?" he sighed in mock resignation and tipped his head back to rest on the seat of his car, his lips quivering at the corners as he fought a smile at my teasing.

I reached over to run my fingers through his hair, and he sighed again, this time in contentment. I couldn't find any irritation in myself for my sister and best friend. She was the one who had originally suggested this visit, and had assured us that we were on the second day of a 60 day stretch of solid cloudy conditions. There wouldn't even be a hint of sunshine to hinder our brief reunion with Charlie in any way. "She loves to mess with you because you react so well," I reminded him for what felt like the millionth time.

He responded by closing his eyes and wiggling his head closer to make it easier for me to reach his scalp. "I only react so well because you soothe me."

I tousled his hair roughly for a moment, before going back to absently running my fingers through it.

"Sam knows that we're coming?" Edward opened one eye and quirked his eyebrow at me.

"Yes, they all do. I sent a letter to Jake at the same time I wrote to Charlie. I believe they're planning some sort of barbeque at La Push at some point, assuming it stops raining for long enough."

He turned his head to look at me, "and you'll be ok with that?" His eyes were filled with concern.

I moved to kiss him gently. "Of course I will. Everything is changed now, and for the better. I actually can't wait."

"Even with…" he began but I silenced him with another kiss.

"If that was the kind of thing I wanted, maybe it would bother me. But that's something I never saw for myself, so I'm looking forward in delighting in their joy while being quietly and personally relieved that I've escaped that particular right of passage." I smiled against his lips and reached up to brush the hair out of his eyes.

"You are amazing," he grinned in response, and then pulled back slightly. "Someone is going to ask though. You do realize that?"

"It might be a problem if I was emotionally invested in the issue, but since I'm nothing but completely happy with our situation, I can answer them truthfully and they'll know it." I leaned my forehead against his. "Believe me Edward, there is nothing I want that I don't already have."

"Simply amazing," he murmured again, and threaded his fingers through my hair to pull me into a kiss. We didn't break away until the car behind us gave a short irritated beep as the cars ahead of us moved onto the ferry.

xxxx

I pulled down the sun visor to check my brown contact lenses in the mirror one more time. I had only worn them sporadically since my eyes had finally turned to the warm topaz color that I'd fallen in love with in Edward's eyes. The rest of my body changes could be brushed away as the passage of time, but it had been over 6 years since I'd seen Charlie and even he wouldn't believe that your eyes could pale from lack of sun.

Edward reached over and took my hand, slowing his speed as we reached the outskirts of Forks. "You look beautiful, perfect. Are you ready?" His thumb absently traced soothing circles on my hand.

I beamed at him. "Yes. I've been waiting for this for a long time." Our visit would be bittersweet, but I needed to see Charlie one last time; to have some clear memories of the house where I'd lived when Edward came into my life. I wanted to lie in my bed down the hall, with Edward there legitimately this time, and soak up some last little bits of the humanity that I'd left behind.

We pulled up in front of the small house with the brick driveway a few moments later. The front light was on, and Charlie's cruiser was in its usual spot in the driveway. Edward shut off the motor and I saw the curtains in the front window twitch before the front door was thrown wide open. Charlie's warm smell of the sea and leather drifted out over the yard as he called out, "Bella!"

"Hi Dad!" I called, jumping out of the car and moving at a human pace across his lawn. "Don't come past the roof, it's freezing out here!"

He chuckled. "How can you think anything is freezing after staying for so long in Alaska?" He pulled me close for a hug and I kissed his cheek. "Wow you are cold!"

"That's what I said," I laughed. Moving inside as Charlie grasped Edward's hand. "Where's the hot chocolate?" I asked, moving to the kitchen.

"Right where you left it," he said, grinning as he followed along behind me.

I opened the cabinet and moved some ramen noodles aside to find the faded can of hot chocolate. "Charlie Swan, do you mean to tell me that this is the same hot chocolate that I bought before I left?" I laughed turning to catch him mid-shrug as he grinned at me.

"They have coffee at the station. Why would I mess with that?" he shook his head slowly at my scolding, enjoying every minute of it.

The microwave beeped and I quickly fixed my mug, holding it to warm my hands and lips without really taking any in. Charlie poked his head into the living room to check the score on the muted TV, and I took the opportunity to dump and rinse my mug quickly before crossing the room to squeeze his hand with my now warmed ones. "Go on and watch the game with Edward, Dad," I laughed. "I need a shower anyway to wash the road grime off."

"Thanks Bells," he gave me an awkward one armed hug. "Billy and Jacob will be here in a little bit. I told them to pick up pizza. No sense in putting you to work right away."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Thanks for your concern," I shot over my shoulder as I made my way up the stairs, the sound of his laughter following me.

xxxx

I heard Jacob's booming laughter as I stepped from the shower, rubbing a towel through my hair. I'd found a half bottle of my old strawberry shampoo covered in a layer of dust in the cabinet under the sink. The smell triggered some half dreamt memories in the back of my mind, but I couldn't fully grasp any of them or look at them to closely before they'd dance out of my reach. I was once again glad of the chance to come visit one more time: to build memories that I couldn't forget.

I dressed quickly and flung the hairbrush through my hair so I could rejoin the small party downstairs. I skipped lightly down the stairs, feeling my hand reach for the newel post in a kind of muscle memory. I couldn't remember any one time of tripping down the stairs, but knew that it had happened more often than not. I followed the voices into the kitchen.

"So then, since the can of Fix a Flat was empty I took off the flat and put on the spare, only when I jacked it back down the spare just kind of…" he paused laughing to catch is breath. "It almost groaned it was so bad. The thing was flatter than the flat tire." Jacob paused in his story to look lovingly at the dark haired girl sitting at the table next to him. She was laughing into her hands so hard it was impossible to tell if her cheeks were pink from amusement or embarrassment, and her eyes sparkled over the tips of her fingers.

"Bella!" Jacob saw me lingering in the doorway and swooped to envelope me in a hug, lifting my feet off the floor. "I was just telling the story of how I met Kristine."

I crossed the kitchen to squeeze her shoulders lightly as she moved to get up from the table. "Don't get up," I said. "I'm so glad to meet you."

"It is a bit of a load these days," she smiled rubbing her rounded front.

"How much longer do you have?" I could hear the rapid, strong heartbeat of the baby she carried.

"Another couple of months," she said ruefully. "I can't imagine how I can get any bigger but I know it's going to happen."

"I'm so happy for you and Jacob," I squeezed her again before sitting down. "Although I can honestly say I'm not looking to follow you any time soon," I joked, heading off any comments or questions before they could be asked.

Edward smiled at me from his place on the countertop, a half eaten piece of pizza in his lap. I glanced quickly at it and he answered with a small shrug. I figured Jacob had put him up to it and laughed to myself.

"So anyway," Jacob continued, "I didn't have a spare because I was on my bike, and I _really_ didn't want to let her out of my sight," he shot a grin at her, "so I put my helmet on her and she climbed on the back for the ride into town. He crossed the room and put his hands on her shoulders, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

"And after hanging on to him for that ride, I pretty much didn't let go after that," Kristine said fondly, staring up at Jacob.

"So we got married, and now we're having a baby," Jacob said softly before snapping back to his old cocky self. "It's a good thing too. Her car was my first and is still my best customer." The kitchen erupted in laughter.

xxxx

I was glad for the visit, and grateful for the chance to see that the people I had left behind had gone on to be happy. I would revel in the 2 weeks that we would spend with Charlie at his house, and would soak up the memories. Edward worried that this second goodbye would be harder than the first one was, but I knew that seeing Charlie doing well, seeing Jacob happy with his soul mate and expected child… All of these things would give my heart the lightness that I needed to be able to say goodbye. I could step forward with no regrets and no fears, into the rest of forever.


	30. Outtake: No Live Animals

**And so it went. Alice planning, me whittling her down, and Edward snickering as we butted heads. Finally, she shut her binder with a snap and closed her eyes.**

_That is what was in the original story. I had something like this running around in my brain about it, but it didn't come out at the time and I couldn't really go back and add it in later. So it just hung out there, making me laugh at Alice and Bella arguing over animals and their poop. So I thought I'd let you in on part of what was so funny, and why Edward got such a kick out of their negotiations. So here it is, outtake number one: No Live Animals._

* * *

"Ok," Alice paused and looked hard at me for a moment, as if she were willing me to do something. I tensed slightly, wondering what she had planned. Edward squeezed my shoulders gently, and chuckled to himself at whatever she was thinking.

"I think we should just have two doves instead of a flock of them," Alice stated firmly, as if there were no question in the matter. I choked on my drink and coughed violently for a few seconds, Edward slapping my back while glaring at Alice.

"D-doves?" I finally managed to choke out. "Alice, are you insane?"

She drew her petite body as up as tall as she could make it and pressed her lips together. "Doves are very traditional. They are a symbol of love and commitment. They mate for life and always return to each other."

"Doves are live animals. They are unpredictable. They poop," I countered. "Think about it Alice. Do you really want that around me? With my luck they'll fly straight up and poop on my head." I went for the kill. "It would ruin my hair. It would probably get all over my dress."

Edward was sitting stoically next to me, the corners of his mouth twitching violently as he struggled not to laugh. Alice's shoulders slumped in defeat, but only for a moment.

"White horses!" she exclaimed excitedly. "We can do your hair and makeup here and you can ride over to our place in a horse drawn carriage." She closed her eyes in rapture. "It will be so elegant."

"Alice!" I struggled not to laugh outright at the thought of all the disasters that could happen in such a scenario and stuck to my main argument. "Horse poop is even larger than dove poop. And smellier. You _know_ I'll find a way to step in it." I shook my head muttering, "and getting down from a carriage with Charlie… that's a leap of faith."

Alice froze for a second and then snapped out of it. "You're right. That would be a bad idea." She began to pace again, totting up some sort of figures on her fingers as she tried to wear a path on the living room floor.

"Butterflies!" she finally stopped and beamed at me hopefully. "We can release some butterflies. It would be beautiful."

"Live animals, Alice. They poop."

"Teeny insignificant butterfly poops are not a problem"

"It's after twilight. It's past their bedtime."

"We'll have a light on them so they'll still fly away."

"It will be after dark Alice. BATS will probably be around waiting to eat them. Bats flying all over the place snatching poor little butterflies out of midflight. Bats raining guano from the air over the entire wedding party. Not to mention the irony of bats at a vampire wedding."

"That won't happen."

"You can't predict that. You never know what bats are going to do. And I've seen them flying around that clearing at night."

Edward had buried his face in his hands at my mention of bat guano. He wasn't making a sound, but suspicious convulsions of his stomach made me think he was laughing at us, and enjoying this argument far more than I was. I got up from the couch and began to pace.

"The fact of the matter is that any live animal you bring into this scenario is going to add some sort of dimension that you can't predict. And with my track record for luck, I think that you're just asking for it if you insist on including them," I stated, ticking my own fingers as I spoke.

"Asking for what?" she said acidly.

"Calamity." I sat back down next to Edward. "Some sort of calamity that we won't know about until we're in the middle of it, and there's nothing we can do about it."

Alice heaved a sigh, and was silent for a minute. "What about some flowering shrubs?" she asked brightly, as if I hadn't completely shot down one of her ideas just moments before.

* * *

_So, who here thinks that I had to read the book Everybody Poops to my 3 year old one too many times? :)_


	31. nominated? WOWIE!

_Hello all!_

This is just a note to say that someone has so kindly nominated me for a Twilight Award in "The Romancetastic Round"

Category:

Best Chemistry (completed story)

WAY TO ROCK MY SOCKS Y'ALL! Thanks!

If you'd like to vote, go see twilightawards dot this-paradise dot com

And thanks so much again. This is the first time I've been nominated for anything. I think I need to bake something.


	32. nominated again!

_Holy cow! Again?! Y'all rock!  
_

This is just a note to say that someone has so kindly nominated me for a Twilight Award in the Breaking Dawn round.

Best Alternate Breaking Dawn!

Y'all are seriously the best. Thanks!


	33. Join me in the Fandom Gives Back!

Not quite an update, but a chance at one!!!

I'm joining in on The Fandom Gives Back! Up for auction is a oneshot outtake from Waiting For Dawn.

Ever wanted to know what was going on in Edward's head during the wedding night? Here's your chance. Link on my profile, or visit thefandomgivesback dot blogspot dot com for more information. Help us help kids with cancer! I'm doing this in honor of a dear little friend who has leukemia. So support little E and show your love!

You can also find links on my twitter. I am alicelaughed there as well.

Thanks so much!


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